Have you ever changed your life completely?

[Notmycupoftea123]

It’s knowing where to start isn’t it. I feel like I need to revamp my life and get my ducks in a row but I struggle. I last about 2 days then go back to old habits

I am in my early 30’s with young DC. I am unhappy in my body, overweight and binge eat. I spend more than I should so never save, I don’t get out as much was I want too.

Every time I try and change I fall back to the old me.

So, if you changed your life - tell me your stories please! I need some inspiration

Following as I also need inspiration

But I will say that I've cut tied with those who hated me, and it's really helped xx

I need to cut ties or stand up for myself more, I’m a known people pleaser

I broke up with my ex about 10 years ago. Got a degree, good job and started being around important people who he'd kept me from. Got support for my PDA Asc son. Got a nice home.

I now have an amazing life! Travel, have a really close knit support system. Having an MRI this afternoon and about 10 different people tried to insist on coming! When I was with my ex, it was just him. And he'd have stayed home with the kids.

I was 27 when we split. 9-10 years later happier than I've ever been.

It's doable, and by god it's worth it. But mine did start with ending a relationship.

Yes, at age 38 ( 3 young DCs)

Joined ( on a whim) a small group PT gym on a 6 week trial, cried in my car on the way there, was literally in panic mode for the first 3 sessions, I look back and dont quite know how i got myself through the door.

Fast forward a year im down 27lbs, I strength train and condition 4/5 times a week, I have made lots of new friends and feel mentally and physically in the best shape of my life.

If you told me 2 years ago i would have laughed right in your face.

I am in the process of doing this. At the end of last year I had two diagnosis for cancer and Type 2 diabetes so things had to change. I am through the cancer treatment now, and prognosis is good, but I had to implement some self care (hate that phrase). So far:

Sorted my diabetes medication - this is still a work in progress as having some on-going issues

Doing 18:6 intermittent fasting to help with insulin levels and losing weight

Lost 2 stone. Still got another 3 to go. I have cut out as much refined sugar as possible, and am making better savoury carb choices

Joined a rock choir to have a hobby of my own, rather than just facilitating all the DC’s clubs

Done a swimming challenge (10k in Mar) but I’m not a big swimming fan. I’ve also been doing some online weights workouts and prefer them

I will say that I am not working at the moment which has given me far more time and space to do this. I am not rushing back to work either (had a critical illness payout) as this is my one chance to put permanent changes in place.

I have always put myself last (as you do when you have children) but I was in quite a bad way (even before the cancer conversation) and so I am putting myself first while I make these changes.

Sorry, that waffled on a bit! Hope you can make changes that work for you.

Also i always use the mantra "not my circus not my monkeys"

I dont get involved in drama, Im quite an opinionated person but decided to only use it if it affects me directly so overall im far calmer and happier.

Gosh I keep wondering this, same stuff different day. Ur not alone OP I would love to change my eating habits and do more things for myself. I wake up feeling positive then go to bed disappointe I'm so stuck in a rut!

It's scary but so worth it ❤️

Watching with interest as considering going it alone at 50 now that kids have grown. Trouble is we work together too and I’d have to get a new job and references but it’s 50/50 to stay or leave. I just want to be on my own in peace xx

Rather than looking at a big lifestyle change, look for small things that can make a big difference. Do one small thing at a time and make it part of your routine. Then add something else. And repeat. Don't try to do or change too much in one go as that's a sure fire way to fail.

Here's what I've done over the past 3 years:

1. Joined Slimming World (I know it's not liked on MN). Lost 2 stone. Still a member and I've kept the weight off.
2. Joined my local library and got back in to reading. I'm now never not reading a book, usually average about 2/3 books a month - which is low for many, but loads for me.
3. Started doing yoga. Started with Yoga With Adriene on YouTube, but have recently started going to a yoga group, and love it.
4. Got to grips with my finances. This is probably a bit much, but I put a set amount of money aside every payday for specific things like, hair, nails, car insurance, fuel, holidays, Christmas, etc. And I track it all on a spreadsheet, so I know exactly how much is in each "pot" eventhough it's all in the same account. And I know exactly how much I have to piss up the wall each month.
5. Do more family stuff. We had a revelation that it was a bit mad spending money sending our 6 year old and 3 year old to "clubs". So instead of taking them to football, we go and play football in the park together. Same with swimming, tennis, dancing, etc.
6. Have a massive clear out. Sell, recycle, donate anything you or the kids aren't using. And then keep on top of it.

DH and I are currently trying to carve more time out together to spend as a couple. We've started to cook dinner and eat together every Friday night after the kids have gone to bed. And we need to get better at asking family members for help with childcare, so we can go on dates again. We've realised it's never going to be offered.
Next on my list is to have a style analysis and colours done and I'll rebuild my wardrobe from there. I want an easy to wear capsule wardrobe.

I definitely feel more organised and in control, but also happier and more content. However, I did these one thing at a time. Never took on too many things at once and I think that's how I've managed to keep it up.

Good luck OP!

@Nottsandcrosses
Also I always use the mantra "not my circus not my monkeys."

Wonderful. My favourite has been "Never wrestle with a pig. You only get muddy, and the pig likes it."

Mine also started with the end of a relationship ten years ago. Crisis can really spark change, because basically you don’t have a choice. Everything falls apart and while it feels awful, there is also massive opportunity in that. I ended up undoing some psychological knots that had been limiting my life, which meant becoming a much more liberated, happy person, with more emotional self awareness and empathy. That led to a great new partner who is like that too, so reinforces and encourages my new self…. And this has led to new, exciting opportunities and even a possible career change pending.

I still haven’t cracked healthy eating and exercise and ‘self care’. But I am making inroads and I think this year might be the year - again sparked by crisis- perimenopause last year brought on depression, anxiety and spiralling weight… and a near breakdown. I simply couldn’t keep going the way I was. I’m climbing back to better health and accept that behaviours which were simply better options in my twenties, are now essential simply to be ok and have a life worth living….

it feels like it should be easy to change from a place of relative strength, but I think it’s actually harder than when there is no choice!

Book recommendations which have been game changers for me and helped me change my life are overcoming low self esteem and intuitive eating.

I left my narcissist H, after 21 years and 6 children. Dropped 3 stone and came out, something I'd struggled with for a very long time.

TW mentions CSA

I did change my life completely, I found out about a very significant predator in my family whose behaviour I had minimised even though I had been one of his victims.

When the family failed to hold him to account for his behaviour in order to protect other relationships after it became known how bad he was, I completely cut contact. It nearly broke me the way they treated me, trying to shift the blame, manipulate and gaslight me but I recovered eventually from their betrayal and once I realised just how dysfunctional they all were I learned about things I should have grown up knowing, that the family culture of bullying women and girls was wrong, that there was a pretty strong narcissistic streak running through the family, that they were very disappointing as people, that I had value and deserved better than these people had the capacity to give.

They chose to live on in and perpetuate the dysfunction onwards while I healed that was one hell of a major flex.

i am hoping I can. I’ve made some huge changes to my life already. Started counselling for my behaviour / distorted view of the world. I had hurt a couple of people unintentionally but I KNEW I had to figure out why it happened. I knew I was “different”. Counselling peeled back layers and layers of childhood trauma and I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD.

My self awareness is amazing now and I am nothing like my past self. I can clearly see & understand how and why things went wrong for me.

I am also in the process of moving to a new city with my family. I just feel like we need to start “living” rather than merely existing in a medium shite town.

I’ve lost loads of weight through anxiety - which isn’t ideal but my new goal is to really look after my body. Exercise and diet wise.

I am also looking for a new job! Got a new phone number. Uninstalled loads of apps. Started meditating and yoga. Dabbled in hypnotherapy for fun and it actually helped!!

I just need to work on self love rather than self hate. I currently feel like I don’t even deserve nice hair or clothes.

Id also love to become an avid reader. Currently can’t even finish a chapter due to all the rumination in my head

Happy family (DC and DH) and travel = Is my ultimate goal. With generational trauma in the bin once and for all 💐 💪

Things I’ve done in the last 10 years:

Left a 25 year relationship
Declared bankruptcy, thus restarting my financial existence
Retrained in a new much more fulfilling career
Lost all my excess weight (thanks MJ)

I do feel like I’ve changed everything for the better. It was definitely one thing at a time though!

Yes. Was made redundant and now have a job I love. I think @financialcareerstuffis correct that sometimes a crisis/forced change propels us forward. It’s difficult to find the courage to make huge changes ourselves but when they are forced upon us we rise to the challenge.

Yes, it followed a decent payrise and brand new company car at work. It gave me the confidence (and money) to step up my health, I'm mid way through a glow up. I've lost 51lbs so far, strength training at the gym, gone from size 20 to 14. I've gone from a fat couch potato to someone who loves the gym.

We have specific financial goals which mean we are cutting back on holidays abroad but are travelling loads throughout the UK on the cheap this year which has been great as a family to do more together.

Yes this time last year I was an unemployed depressed drunk, almost a year on employed full time, not so depressed and definitely not as drunk. I am very proud of myself.

Sure. I’ve moved countries three times. I’ve lost ten stone twice. I’ve changed careers a few times. I joined an introduction agency at 38 and met my DH.