Summary and Tidy Version:
My daughter met a girl at primary school, and they became friends in Foundation and Year 1. The girl lives nearby, so we used to walk to and from school with her mum, and the girls would hold hands. Her mum is very quiet, but one incident really unsettled me. She once asked me to pick her daughter up, but when I got to the school, her mum and husband were already there. She later called me, crying and shouting that I was supposed to get her daughter, saying they were trying to take her away. I had no idea they had fallen out, and it turns out she was having a mental health crisis with a social worker involved. She even came to my door, demanding to know where her daughter was. Eventually, they made up, and she apologised for shouting.
Years passed, and as the girls got older (now in Year 5), they had more playdates and sleepovers. But their friendship is a constant cycle of falling out and making up, leaving both my daughter and me confused. At school, her friend often ignores her, saying she’s playing with others, but then wants playdates and sleepovers at weekends.
The most recent incident involved them going to the park, where a boy (around 11) allegedly wanted to fight. The boy’s mum later found me on Facebook, claiming my daughter had caused trouble, but it turned out her friend had lied and blamed my daughter. When my daughter told the truth, her friend turned on her again, saying she made her look like a liar. The next day at school, her friend ignored her.
I’ve started to realise that her grandma, who watches her while her mum works, uses my daughter to keep her granddaughter entertained. She invites my daughter on trips to soft play or the zoo, saying I’m doing her a favour by letting her come along. I’ve tried offering to pay but can’t keep affording it. When I said no once over the summer, her grandma got snappy with me. I want to spend time with my daughter during school breaks, but I’m running out of polite excuses.
I’m struggling with how to tell them that this friendship seems one-sided — her friend ignores my daughter at school but expects playdates at weekends, and now there’s been trouble too. I don’t want to be nasty, but I’m unsure how to set boundaries, especially with Easter half-term coming up when I expect her grandma will ask again. I need advice on what to say without causing confrontation.