Effective self help options for problematic thinking patterns?

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I have just had a kind of epiphany at the age of 46 that I might have been somewhat mentally unwell my whole adult life. I have struggled a lot in life to do the things I really want to, to make the most of my abilities, with friendships and with my appearance but I've always dismissed the possibility that I had some kind of mental health issue because I have mostly felt ok. By that I mean I haven't been living with crushing despair, overwhelming anxiety, anger issues or serious self harm but I am now seeing that my thinking has been consistently pretty awful.

I have always dealt with a lot of rumination, intrusive and obsessional thinking, about the past, sometimes the distant past, where I am always looking for answers, regretting even tiny mistakes and more recent events where I worry about what I said to people, did I hurt their feelings, worrying that they don't like me, think I'm boring or ugly. I also tend to deal with some anxiety about things like if my husband is a bit later getting home I will start to worry something has happened to him. I'm quite bad when I leave the house especially if I'll be gone for a few hours that I haven't locked the door or switched things off, or at night that I haven't closed the downstairs windows so I'll have to get up and check although even to this day I've never actually left anything on or open.

I'm aware my self esteem is quite low but I don't think this is uncommon, I think lots of people struggle with that kind of thing, perhaps all of the above. I haven't actually worked for about 10 years now due to chronic migraine and fibromyalgia although I don't get benefits as my husband earns over the threshold for support, I am on record as being too ill to work. I don't know if my issues with physically pain are due to my thinking but I don't think they will be helping.

I a also aware that I use a lot of maladaptive strategies to help me deal with my difficult thoughts and pain such as over eating, escapism of one kind or another, all fairly tame, no drugs or booze, I don't even drink but these behaviours are still what I'd consider maladaptive and mostly likely doing more harm than good. I always assumed my ability to be in a good or at least ok mood was positive but it might just be a form of escaping and not effectively dealing with the issue.

I am looking for self help strategies, books or online content that might help with this kind of thing? It feels like a bad time to be asking for help for this kind of thing from the NHS and I can't afford private care therapy so I am looking for self help options?

I have the same problem, but there is so much information on the internet for free.

I recommend therapy if you can afford it, (it’s the validation that’s most helpful), but in the meantime I make do with google searches like Anxiety, Low Self esteem, Ruminating thoughts etc etc. Just start off by reading anything and everything - something will resonate and you can go down that rabbit hole as far as you want.

I like to keep to people who are medically/scientifically trained rather than celebrities (though they have a place for inspiration). Often a website will lead you to a book etc. You will find certain people whose viewpoint matches yours better than others.

Things that have helped me - a mantra’I want to be the Main Character in my Own Life’, meta cognition (I take this to mean realising when you are stuck in a ruminating thought) so you can stop yourself, or distract or counter with other thoughts and just yesterday, I read that when trying positive self talk you should refer to yourself in the second/third person so instead of “I can do this”, it’s either “you can do this sweetheart” or “the woman I know you really are, can do this”

They call this hard work because this kind of self talk has to be constant. You can’t let up on allowing the negative thoughts to take precedence. It’s really training your brain to rewire. Don’t look for a fast fix, but at least get yourself pointing in the right direction and take the first step.

Best of luck.

@Imgoingtobefree Thank you, that is some really helpful advice and I love that mantra and the self talk. I am in the last few days trying to just notice when the troubling thoughts come up and to acknowledge them as just thoughts rather than try to distract myself from them, resist them or get lost in them. It is difficult though as its so easy to just go on auto pilot and the next thing you know its been hours of being stuck in an unhelpful thought loop. I hear medication is useful for this kind of metal awareness so I really need to commit to doing that.

I love the mantra and that really resonates with me, I do want to be the main character in my own life! I know its going to take time and effort but hopefully I can start to make some progress with myself!