I’m 36. I have a 2 year old daughter. We’ve just moved into a new house less than a month ago. I have a job I enjoy.
Then last week I had a mini stroke. I have a genetic neurological condition which increases my risk of stroke, but it still came out of the blue for me. I knew my risk was increased but I never actually expected it to happen to me. Not in my thirties. Not now.
I had to go to A&E in an ambulance. My in laws had to collect my daughter from nursery and have her overnight. I couldn’t see properly, I couldn’t balance, I couldn’t speak properly. My face and arm went numb. Apparently I said I couldn’t breathe and asked for my mum. I don’t remember that. I just remember being absolutely terrified. The staff at A&E were so kind, they brought me tea and a sandwich, and I just felt so awful the whole time, like I must be wasting everyone’s time.
I’ve had to rest all week. I don’t know when I can go back to work. I’m so so tired. I can’t focus on anything, I can’t concentrate. My husband has taken on everything and done so much extra to make things easier for me, and I just feel like a huge burden. I feel stupid and slow, and like I’m letting everyone down. I’m so tired my bones ache and I have a constant dull headache which won’t lift.
Today I’ve missed taking my daughter out on a planned trip because I wouldn’t have been able to cope. I’ve just laid on the sofa all afternoon crying and composing this.
I don’t even know what I want from this post apart from writing it down anonymously, because, ridiculously, I feel so ashamed about it.