I feel a bit irritated by my friend's communication style, would anyone else feel the same?

[Winterysun]

We belong to a book club, so see each other weekly and sometimes in between. She openly admits she has anxiety, so I may be being unreasonable!

The other evening, while getting ready for Book Club she texted me, for advice on an issue she's having with her 9 year old dd. I was rushing a bit, but took.the time to reply. An hour later I was next to her at Book Club and she looked at her phone. 'Oh bless you, you replied, you're SO lovely'! She immediately 'lovehearted' my reply, (there's no way she read it in that time), and said 'Ooh Rachel and Ellie replied too, I'll read them all later', and put her phone away. I know she didn't read any of them!

She also has a habit of asking me, 2 or 3 times if I want to go to something. If I say I've already got tickets with someone or can't make that day, she'll text me the same thing the following week, and often again!! The same goes for her general 'How are you' messages, I'll reply, can see she's seen it but doesn't answer! She then starts again a few days later with 'Hi, how are you?'🤷‍♀️ I ignored the last one, rather than repeat what I said a few days earlier!

I suppose I put time and thought in replying to messages, and she seems to forget what she even texted me which I find weird. Unless she's regularly texting several people the same thing, and just wants lots of contact for the sake of it?!

She's also shown interest in where I work, and asked me to let her know if there's ever a vacancy. I did, recently and sent her all the details but she thanked me and said the hours didn't suit her. A few weeks later she asked me again, and to let her know if I see anything! She doesn't have memory issues re meet-ups, her work & hobbies so I don't understand it!

Goodness op

you’re a sucker for punishment

stop putting in the effort

I thought your name rang a bell

op you have started SO many threads about friend issues. It must be exhausting

Oh, I don't know.

If you watch any period drama/read any period fiction there are people with foibles. People are flawed, always have been. These days people communicate so much, but the fundamental questions are the same - good person overall or not?

Is she nice? If so, just reply briefly to her messages and don't worry about it.

Asking the same question repeatedly is annoying. If you're sure your friend has no memory issues, then you could take a few approaches:-

• Reply once and ignore the repeat questions

• The second time she asks you, reply as follows, "Hey, I replied already (on Tuesday). Did you not see my reply?"

• Ask her if you can have a serious chat and express faux concern that she might be having memory issues because she doesn't seem to remember when you reply to her.

• Play bingo (in your head) and try to guess how many times she'll ask you the same question.

How are you so sure she won't take your advice about her DD? Is that based on prior experience? If so, don't go to so much effort to compose a lengthy reply. If you think she's just looking for attention then keep your replies brief, "Sounds tough"/"Hope things improve for you both" etc. And reply when it suits you.

If she's otherwise a good friend and you enjoy her company, then just chalk it up as an annoying habit.

You could, of course, end the friendship but that would probably mean you'd have to drop the book club. Otherwise, it would make for a very awkward book club encounter every week.

She sounds like a bit of an attention-seeker who likes to (repeatedly) remind other people of her existence.

Thank you all, yes, she IS a nice person and I won't end our friendship over this.

I didn't say she won't take my advice over her dd, I don't know whether she will or not! What got me was when she didn't even read what I wrote before she put her phone away! She didn't read what the others wrote either, just seemed chuffed she'd had 3 replies! 🤷‍♀️

Yes, I think it's time to start reminding her, ie, I replied about this the other day, etc! It could be attention seeking, I think the AMOUNT of contact matters to her more than what's actually said.

Wowsers!

You're not wrong!

Attention seeker!

It doesn't necessarily sound like anything to do with anxiety.

It sounds almost like she is texting impulsively without much thought about whether she actually needs to?

Ahw was at book club, why would she be reading all her text messages right then? As she said, she'd read them later.
Can't see your issue here at all.

Well how could she read her messages when book club was just about to start? 😳

That's the beauty of messaging, most of them don't require an immediate answer.

You do seem to have a fair few friendship issues OP, perhaps you should change your circle?

Yes, I remembered the OP's username immediately.

OP, respectfully, you start endless threads about your friends' behaviour irritating you. I think there was a colleague one too. I think you may need to conclude that if this many separate people's behaviour, or communication patterns, or days out, or offering lifts, is irritating you, the common denominator is you.

What sort of book club meets weekly?! How do you get time to read anything in between?!