What’s it like being a sibling of twins?

[berryjam1]

Currently pregnant with twin boys and already have a DS who will be 6 when the twins arrive.

Generally he is excited but has shown some anxiety about things changing which I have tried to reassure him about the best I can but it’s got me thinking what is it actually like to be a sibling of twins? Is he likely to always feel left out, with the twins likely having a closer bond and especially with it being quite a big age gap? I am only child so have no experience at all of having siblings!

I’d love to hear experiences from siblings of twins, how was it growing up? How is it as an adult? Also interested to hear from twin mums with a singleton ☺️

I’m 6 years older than my twin sisters. Be prepared, particularly in the early years, for your son to be routinely ignored by other people, who are (I suppose naturally) fascinated by twins. Then there was a spell when my sisters were incredibly cute toddlers and it felt like the whole world wanted to tell my parents so every time we left the house. I was old enough to be annoyed by that.

Overall, though, the age gap had pros and cons. I was at school, already making my own friends, and as time went on, my own interests and activities. They started at the same school only just before I left, of course, and we went to different secondary schools, so I didn’t have to
put up with many comparisons, and they were too young to tag along with my friends and I.

I don’t recall ever feeling excluded from their relationship as they were never my peers, or all that interesting. I might have found it harder with a smaller age gap. That isn’t to say I didn’t love them dearly; I got into the worst trouble ever for beating up a boy who was bullying them!

On the down side, from about 14, I was expected to do a fair bit of childcare (my parents both worked and had an active social life) which was irritating and did nothing to make me want to spend more time with them.

And there was a lengthy spell from when I left home at 18 until they were 17 or 18, when we barely saw each other and had absolutely nothing in common at all.

As adults (we’re all in our sixties now), the relationships have fluctuated, inevitably - closer at some points than others. These days, we are friendly but I suppose I’d say not friends. We chat on the phone, WhatsApp, see each other four or five times a year, but don’t socialise together - part of that is geography, we don’t live near each other, partly that we still have few shared interests.

But emotionally we are close, and, sibling rivalry being real even for twins, I am closer to both of them than they are to each other.

And, having said all that, I don’t think any two families or any two relationships are the same, and so my experience likely won’t be much use to you!

My dh is the older brother to twins and then there is a younger one as well.

the gap was much much smaller - only 18 months. There is only 5 years between all 4 siblings.

He was close to his brothers as kids. They sort of came as a group of 3. But he was farmed out to grandparents an awful lot as understandably mil had an awful lot on her hands (baby number 4 was unplanned). He has always been a bit distant from his parents as a result, especially his dad. So there is a loving, benign relationship there but it’s arms length on both sides (he is closer to my mum and dad these days).

I think it will be easier that they're all boys.

I knew someone who had identical twins younger brothers. They were very cute with fair curly hair and big blue eyes. There were three issues:

1. Wherever they went people gushed over the twins
2. She was into acting and there were several times she went for a casting, Mum had to take the boys too, and the director walked past her, stopped at the boys and offered them a part which they didn't want. On one occasion they offered her the part on the basis the boys came too. When the boys refused to cooperate she was dropped too.
3. They used to vote on things as a family. Eventually she pointed out that the boys had the same interests, and almost always voted the same way, so she was outvoted (she felt) all the time. (I'm not sure it was all the time, but it was certainly rare her choice ever came up).

What happened:

1. It did get better as they got older, both in that people stopped gushing and she realised it wasn't her, so much as them.
2. Mum found someone who would take the boys, but she didn't get many castings anyway (always loads of girls) but she remembered how many offers they would get and found that difficult. She decided to stop doing it.
3. They changed the system so each child got to choose in turn. That means the boys got 2 of their choice and she got one of hers, but she was happy that was fair. As the boys got older they were less similar in choice too, which also helped.

She does have a good relationship with them as adults, but it was the junior school age she found really difficult.

Thanks for sharing your experiences ☺️

I'm an elder sibling of twin boys (identical).

I'd echo the above. Because identical twins are unusual. They were dressed the same and cute and blonde they got a lot of attention that I didn't.

I'm close in age (13 month age difference) parents lived away from family and I think I was expected to grow up quicker and do things for myself as my mother couldn't cope with 3.

I had very little one on one time with my mum especially. As a girl this was major.

We did a lot of boy things as a family as I was outnumbered.

But we did in the main get on as siblings though as adults I get on with one better than the other.

My son was just 2 when his twin brothers was born. We have always treated them as individuals (twins are non-identical) or a group of 3 and others have followed the lead on this so we’ve had very few mentions of “the twins “. They are older teens now and generally get on really well as a group and individually too. We have not really experienced any jealousy at all.
The best advice I have is always calling the twins by their individual names, treat them as 3 siblings and encourage them to do things as pairs with twin and older sibling whilst the other twin is with other parent and swap. That might be harder with a 6 year age gap but your eldest could introduce their siblings to their interests, favourite places etc.