Toddler dislikes certain groups.

[Glasscabinet]

Most days during the week I’ll take DD (18 months) to some sort of activity/toddler group. Honestly I find it just makes my day a lot easier as a SAHM as it burns energy out of DD/stimulation/gives us a bit of structure/It breaks my day up too.

We’ve had a lot of comments on how DD essentially disapproves of two groups. One is a really nice Mum & Tots ran from a church hall and another is a messy play. I’ve been scratching my head wondering how she can dislike these but love the other groups. I feel it’s because in these groups the adults sit by the side drinking tea whilst the toddlers are expected to just get stuck in.

She loves kids slighter older 2.5+, some toddlers she’s sussed out, but she disapproves of other unknown toddlers messing with her play/getting in ‘her’ space. She doesn’t cry, and she’s quite physically hardy but doesn’t enjoy it. If she’s playing with the toy kitchen and a kid comes in and starts banging the door she’ll try to stop them. If they don’t leave her alone she’ll walk off. She’s ok if the other kid does the same ‘play’ as her or doesn’t intrude. She won’t go near other toddler her age unless there’s an adult present. If there’s toddlers her age at every station she’ll head for the door, or just walk around holding my hand waiting for a space. As soon as there’s indication of the story/song time starting she’ll turn into a different kid. But that’s because the parents sit on the carpet too.

It wouldn’t be so bad but I feel everyone is commenting on how DD is either leading me to the door or just frowning at everyone (she’s not a crier unless she’s either really hurt/overtired). It’s apparent to everyone she’s not a fan.

DH says we should carry on taking her as she needs to learn socialisation with her own age/just a phase.

I don’t know if we should find some other groups that aren’t a free-for-all? We go to another church ran toddler group but the parents are expected to supervise/interact with their toddlers. She loves it, completely different kid, lots of comments on her confidence etc…

Not sure why DH thinks you should carry on with groups that neither of you seem to be enjoying, it have I missed the bit where he has qualifications in child development?

I’d just try other groups on those days for a bit. We had similar with one group we went to, ended up trying a different playgroup on the same day a bit further away and absolutely loved it.

I don't get your DH's point at all. Why take her to a group she's not enjoying rather than one she loves? She's only 18 months - there's loads of time for socialisation before she starts school.

I would honestly stop taking her to the one she doesnt like.

i was a SAHM during the pre school years and absolutely agree that these playgroups saved my sanity. We went to 4 a week! Mostly my kids loved them, but there was one which my son started to hate. Unfortunately it was the one I liked the most. There was a boy there that ran wild and both parents (both parents attended!) did no supervision as they were gentle parenting, which in this boys case, didn’t work. My son was too young to articulate it. Almost his first sentence was ‘me no like (boys name).’ We stopped going after that but I felt terrible that I hadn’t understood his reluctance before and that it almost damaged his confidence to attend.

Give it a few weeks though and she’ll probably behave totally differently. She’s young, she’s learning, it’s not a biggie. Your DH is right that it’s a phase, but no point forcing something for now. Take her back in a couple of months and see, but I’ll bet she’ll behave in a totally different way.

I was a SAHM and the same as you, went to a lot of groups to create some structure to the week. There was a beautiful singing group at one church, they did some really cool songs, there was a year long waiting list. All of mine tried it and hated it. The only reason could have been the sound in the room because it had a massive ceiling. We went to birthday parties at the same hall and it was the same vibe.

I also never went back tk a couple that were predominantly made up of child minders as I found that is where you get the most comments.

How many times has she been? If it’s not a settling in issue, find another group if she really hates it. You can always try again unless there’s a list?

Why take her to something neither of you are enjoying? I’d leave it for a while and you could always taker her back to try again when she’s a bit older. My daughter never seemed to enjoy or participate in one particular group. I persevered for a little while but she didn’t change so we just stopped going!

at 18months children don’t play with each other, they play alongside each other. There’s so much difference between a 18month old and a 2 year old. If neither of you are enjoying it, quit! Go swimming or to the park instead.

Think I might have been disingenuous. Maybe your DH has studied child development and is very knowledgeable.

Mine on the other hand likes to offer opinions on things he knows fuck all about…

She's just not ready for that yet.

Have a break for a few months. Revisit in the Autumn when the weather is terrible and you need to be inside again.

Meanwhile, at the group's she's comfortable with encourage her to have a little more independence, a little more interaction with new people. You can also practise this at softplay/the playground where you'll likely meet new kids.

Op I went to loads of toddler groups of course they are a brilliant idea and most have little schedules like play then craft then drink and biscuit then music or rhyme time etc.

You don't need to justify why you are going and yes it gives you a little break and structure to your day.
However we had sooo many to choose from so can you look for more and the ones she doesn't like hold back and she may enjoy them when a little older

@BunnyRuddington to a small degree I have studied it and breaking the child in repeatedly until they submit is absolutely not the thing to do.
Trying a few times of course.

Why would you take her to something she doesn't like? What's the point? The weathers getting better now so just take her to the park or for a walk. Or go to the library or leisure centre if the weathers bad. I don't see the point in making her go somewhere she doesn't like.

It’s not that I dislike these groups. People are friendly enough, they’re cheap, drop in, and local. Actually I quite liked the church toddler group to begin with as you get cups of tea and the volunteers are lovely. DD also enjoys the biscuits.

We used to do more structured classes but they work out expensive, and as you’re paying for the term, I felt we had to go. Just looked what’s available on the Monday which we’re looking to replace and there’s two different music classes that work out £15 a session. For the messy class there’s a couple of other toddler groups we can try out that run at the same time.

We already spend a far amount of time in the park/library/feeding the ducks/soft play/kids cafes etc. I liked the idea of messy play as it meant I didn’t feel guilty for not doing so much of it at home. Now the weather is getting better it is easier to tick that box at home.

I think I will give them a break and maybe try them again in the autumn.

At that age I would absolutely not do anything that required upfront payment and a weekly commitment. I won’t even do it now at age 3, too many times they’ve not felt like it or not wanted to join in for wherever reason or they’re unwell and then bam, money wasted. We just pay membership to the local soft play and trampoline park instead and then just go whenever we want.

Has your toddler ever enjoyed messy play? Mine always hated it, she didn't like getting messy. Even as an older child she's not one to jump in puddles or make mud pies, she seems to find it distasteful 😂It can just be that they don't like it much.

We do swimming which is upfront but DD loves it/you can do make up sessions if you cancel.

I think I might start going to the trampoline park too. They do do drop in toddler sessions and at least I know it will tire her out! I might get a subscription to the local farm as that works out less than one of these classes a week!

the trampoline park is great- if it’s an Oxygen one the toddler membership subscription is only £15 a month which is about the same as a one off session! Absolutely brilliant for wearing them out and great for developing physical skills.

Oh my goodness, you’ve brought back memories.
I had one of these, she was a 35 year old woman in a child’s body and knew exactly what she would accept and what she wouldn’t.
She’s now a very sensible, autistic 25 year old.

Ha I was going to say similar. Not suggesting your child is autistic OP it's very normal at 18 months to play alongside others on their own agenda rather than with others (it's more normal than not!).

My eldest hated these sorts of groups. She was happy pottering around doing her own thing from very tiny and she used to get very annoyed when other kids interfered with her play. But she is now a very sensible (autistic) ten year old who still has little tolerance of others wanting to play in a way that deviates from her plan! She's more flexible than she was as she's very cognitively able, and understands there needs to be give and take in order to play nicely and build friendships, but she still likes to do her own thing and if it's too much will take herself off to do what she prefers.

Honestly, I never got on great with church hall type playgroups. DD is too clingy to play independently and my DS too violent. DS liked messy play but DD doesn’t, just too hesitant.

It’s good to get out of the house but they don’t have to be playgroups necessarily.