Best Response To DH Saying “ I Don’t Want An Argument”?

[RabbitsRock]

I find this very frustrating, as I’d say the majority of people don’t want an argument! Sometimes we’re not disagreeing exactly but having words & when he declares he doesn’t want an argument, it kind of makes it more difficult for me to state my case if you like. I remember my late DMIL saying that her DH was impossible to argue with. Wondering how best to deal with it. We had a bit of a fallout at bedtime but he did end up apologising for having a bit of a dig.

“Fab neither do i so we will proceed as i want to”

“I don’t want an argument either but a relationship is built on communication. Sometimes we will need to work out a disagreement and this is one of those times.”

”Please don’t try to silence me, this is something we need to discuss.”

He sounds controlling in this regard, shutting you down.

“Well don’t argue about it then, talk like an adult”

or

“Tough shit”

depending on what mood you’re in.

'Dont be oppositional and argumentative to everything I say then'

'I'm not trying to have an argument, I'm trying to resolve the issue which involves us talking it through, and might involve us disagreeing, im not trying to argue for the sake of it - if you have a better way of resolving issues other than talking them through, then I'm all ears...'

Neither do I and I also don't want to be shut down or feeling like the conversation has been abruptly dismissed. I want to communicate to find a resolution.

I think you would really benefit from couples counselling or a marriage course. It sounds like the areas you need to work on are communication and conflict resolution, which is bread and butter stuff for a good counsellor.

We are not having an argument. We are two adults discussing an issue so that we can come to an agreement. If you don't want to do that, thats fine. I'll assume you agree with us doing X

X being your preference for whatever it is you're arguing about.

Some much better responses than my suggestion
“tough titties sunshine”

Or
don't argue then but I need you to listen to my feelings

frozendaisy love that! 🤣

Possible answers.

"Good, neither do I, so let's discuss this in a sensible manner."

Or

"I don't want to argue either, so I'm just letting you know this is what I'm planning on doing .....*insert what it is you intend to do that he won't discuss - then end the conversation ".

I'm not arguing I'm telling you your wrong it's up to you if you want to do anything to make it right you can just continue to be wrong

That's good, just agree with me then there is no possibility of an argument.

Neither do I .... but I do want a discussion.

Not necessarily. I say “I don’t want an argument” to DH, but with the opposite intention of shutting him down. It’s my way of saying “We need to discuss this and resolve the issue. I don’t want it to descend into raised voices. We need to try to stay calm and hear each other and not get defensive”.

I've had versions of this with DH in the past. He usually wakes up and realises he's being a tit when I say some version of, "So, I should just do what you want, every time, so that we never have to argue?"

Neither do I so let’s have a discussion about this instead.

This puts it neatly and concisely.

Thanks @MissyB1.
We had to have a conversation very early on as to what an argument was, and what a discussion was. He came from a very conflict averse environment (what dad decided went, no room to even question what he said was going to happen) and my family do love a good energetic discussion with raised voices.
We both had to change styles, but the pretending we were work colleagues really helped us to have proper discussions
still together after many years, so it worked.

Love your name! From one of my favourite films. They had a few arguments!