This is bonkers and because of my overthinking but...

[Makebettermen]

DP and I met when we were part of a social circle that very much enjoyed a drink. We're still friends with those people, but it's definitely different to be out with them and not drinking/drinking moderately. Sometimes I miss it or miss the friendships, but mostly I'm glad not to feel so ropey in the morning.

We both cut back on the drinking because DP had no stop button. He could go weeks without a drink, but he couldn't go for "one" and popping out for a drink started impacting on things that were important to him next day.

I had less of a problem, but also knew I was drinking too much and was happy to cut back, feel better, save money and support him.

Neither of us has drunk much at all in months. We were away with friends last weekend and only drank one evening, which was fine, we had a great hangover free weekend. He does seem to have developed an ability to have just a couple.

He is away for a couple of days on business in a beautiful city where the liquid lunch is still a thing. He's sent me a lovely photo of a nice cafe and his beer. I don't think he'll drink to excess and I'm glad he's making the most of things, but I'm a bit offended that he doesn't want to relax with a drink with me, if he's going to have one...

He's in a beautiful place on a beautiful day, having a beer, which is something I'd enjoy doing with him. It's no more than that.

Do you live in some special area with multiple Thursdays in a row? You said he was gone for a couple of days.

Also, plenty of people go out on Thursdays?

Well yes because me and DH can have interesting conversations sober.
We can also be silly when we are both sober.

Yes and so do we. But a drink occasionally does add something, otherwise why does anyone ever do it?

Oh come, on he's away for the working week. No one I know "goes drinking" on a school night. We never did that.

Alcohol adds/takes away nothing from our relationship.
Other peoples drinking is none of my business but I do think that people who can't enjoy themselves or enjoy themselves less if they can't drink alcohol have an issue.

You do I’m afraid sound really high maintenance. Being annoyed he’s having a drink now and then won’t with you just comes across as really self involved. He is his own person and I think it’s absolutely fine for him to drink as and when he wants to with no regard for when you might want him to drink with you. As others have said it makes it sound like you have an odd relationship with alcohol to think about it this much.

It's hard to understand why you're so bothered about that, yes. It's very controlling behaviour ,you wanted him to cut down so he has, but you want him to drink when you drink and not when he wants to, because you want a specific type of conversation....

It's weird.

I think youre probably over estimating how "bothered" I am. I'm home feeling sorry for myself with a cold thinking if he's going to have a beer it would be nice if he had it with me.

I'm not feeling devastated by it.

So it's just simple jealousy?

I mean this kindly, the worry here is all the focus on alcohol in your post about how things were before and now the focus on him having a drink now. I don’t think that’s what most people would be thinking about if their partner was away which is what makes me think you need to think about your own relationship with alcohol. Take care x

I didn't want him to cut down, he wanted to, and I was happy to cut down with him as it would do us both good. It definitely came from him though.

Yes, but are you saying you did this primarily for your husband's sake, or for your own? And, either way, are you really regretting friendships that need everyone to be regularly pissed in order to function?

I don't think it's unusual to lose/change friendships when you stop drinking and I don't think it's unreasonable to miss them?

Maybe if you say so, butni don't feel jelousnof him enjoying himself, more a (tiny) bit sad that I'm not sharing it with him.

Why can't he have a drink without you if you go out with friends without him?

You sound very controlling. If you were a man making these comments you'd get very harsh replies.

Sure, but it was, presumably, your decision, and made because you thought you had, or were at risk of having, a problem?

It does sound as if you have a very odd relationship with your partner's drinking habits now, though. Like he 'owes' you, somehow?

You're going to have a hard time here OP but I do get where you're coming from. Personally I love the tipsy feeling and I really enjoying having fun with DH and friends when we are all having a drink. So shoot me PPs.

I think what you are saying is that your DP drinks very little, and so you're a bit pissed off that he's spent his self imposed quota elsewhere rather than having a drink with you, when it's an activity you enjoy. The wider context is that you've actually changed your own habits to accommodate him, so it feels doubly annoying.

Personally I think you are perhaps making too big of a deal over a single beer. But if this is a repeated pattern then I do understand why you are annoyed.

He's not my husband, we don't live together.

We were both nursing hangovers, he said that's it no more drinking, I want to concentrate on xyz and this is getting in the way.

I said I agree, I enjoy a boozy night, but they've become too frequent, we'll both stop until (date of event that has passed now).

Which we did, and since we started again, we haven't ever got back to how it was, which is good.

You're right the friendships are maybe not that great without alcohol and it's time to move on, but surely it's still normal to miss the people you've share pretty much everything with for 20+ years?

Yes that's how I'm feeling. But I'm not making a big deal of it, I won't say anything to him other than it was lovely that he shared some of his trip with me and kept in touch while he was away. I certainly won't hold it against him. I'm proud of him (us both) for the way we've changed things.

So hes away for a few days, beautiful weather today (if its been anything like here) so hes had a nice afternoon with some food and a beer. You werent there so you are jealous- I get that bit.
Why not just be happy for him and know that perhaps next weekend (10 days time) you can go somewhere and have a beer and lunch together?

But you were "bothered" enough to post in MN.

Ergo, you sound "bothered" by it