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Birthday trip cancelled means no present?

10 replies

Makebettermen · 20/03/2025 08:57

Young adult DS who still lives at home.

I was going overseas to compete in a sports event the weekend before his birthday. Partly because I fancied some support and partly because he really doesn't need any more "stuff" I said if they wanted to, I'd treat him and his GF to a few days in the beautiful European city as his birthday present, and I paid for flights and accomodation. A lot more than I'd usually spend on his birthday, but as I said, I also had a vested interest. The flights were organised so they'd arrive after me, the day before the event and then have a few days on their own after I left.

They split up a few days before the trip. GF (of 2 years) contacted me to apologise she wouldn't be going and I think would have offered some cash but I told her not to worry and to look after herself.

DS decided he didn't want to come alone, and by this point I had some other support coming too so I didn't need him in the same way. I.e. he wasn't leaving me in the lurch.

We were able to refund the accommodation but not the flights.

I got him only a very token gift to open on the day, as I'd already paid for his unused flights. And if I'm honest, my head was in the event and I had no other gift ideas.

We went out for lunch when I got back.

Do "owe" him a gift? FWIW he's accepted everything and doesn't expect anything.

OP posts:
Norugratsatall · 20/03/2025 09:00

Of course you don’t. He’s an adult, a token gift is fine.

Coffeeishot · 20/03/2025 09:04

No of course you don't owe him a gift hes a grown man I know he was upset but he could have taken a friend and still gone, token gift is fine.

Mydadsbirthday · 20/03/2025 09:06

I don't think you owe him a gift but you probably do owe him some support after a break up with a GF of 2 years, you seem to be focused on the lack of gift, what about his emotional well being?

Makebettermen · 20/03/2025 09:09

Mydadsbirthday · 20/03/2025 09:06

I don't think you owe him a gift but you probably do owe him some support after a break up with a GF of 2 years, you seem to be focused on the lack of gift, what about his emotional well being?

Oh what rot. This post is about the gift. I've done a million other things this week too, haven't mentioned them either.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 20/03/2025 09:09

No he doesn't need another gift.

kindlyensure · 20/03/2025 09:19

I mean, it's your call.

I would probably have given some/all of the refunded hotel money as it was his gift originally. So a token gift to open and £200 or whatever in his account. But I am a soft touch and also, it would make me feel better. I always err on the side of generous if I am able. No one has yet said 'no thank you,' and it means I can just move on without worrying about the shoud'ves/could'ves/ought'ves.

That said, he sounds entirely fine with it.

If it's bothering you, just say, btw I've popped a bit of the hotel money in your account.

Maddy70 · 20/03/2025 09:20

Actually I would do something with him .... A day at the races, or axe throwing, or an escape room. He needs company right now after s break up and say this is your birthday outing

waitingquietly · 20/03/2025 09:23

I agree with doing something with him. - even if it’s going out to eat or getting pizza in and a movie/ board games evening - imagine he’s suddenly got free time he didn’t have before

FiveShelties · 20/03/2025 09:24

You do not 'owe' him a gift, but it would be good to get him something or do something special.

Makebettermen · 20/03/2025 09:33

We did go out for lunch

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