How do you relax? I can’t seem to do it!

[Hightideattheseaside]

It’s been a stressful time the last few months (maybe even years looking back?!). Issues with my kids, busy at work perimenopause starting. I’m feeling exhausted and burnt out. So I’ve called in sick to work today to try and chill out. But how?

I feel incredibly guilty for calling in sick. even though things in work have calmed down and one day won’t make a difference.

The house is a mess and I feel I should spend the day cleaning and sorting all the crap. But that defeats the point.

I’ve taken the dog out and purposefully come on a longer route as it’s a glorious day and I love walking. But I can’t shake the guilt and feeling I should be doing something.

how do I let myself relax? I just always seem on edge and feel I’m heading for a deep depression.

Try listening to a yoga nidra video on YouTube. I love this one.

Y

afterwards you'll be able to do whatever needs to be done

once the kids are in bed I do some paint by numbers and listen to a podcast. It’s very relaxing and resets me after the day. I generally feel like you and can’t relax easily. It’s a constant feeling of fight or flight. I hope as life gets easier it will just go.

I think sometimes relaxing needs to be active to. Especially when you’re used to being busy. Reading a book, doing a sport you enjoy, going for a walk with a podcast. For me it’s changing my situation and taking my mind off things

I listen to classical music with my headphones on if I need to relax completely. Swimming also helps, but slowly and mindfully, being in the present, not worrying over what has happened or what might happen if I’m at freaking out level anxiety. 😩

I think relaxing being an active choice resonates. But I seem to be in a constants battle in my head that I shouldn’t be doing this relaxing activity. I should be working or cleaning or sorting or running errands or admin and in to infinity. And so I can’t relax. I feel like I need to get through it as quickly as possible to get back to the list. How do you learn to switch that nagging voice off/ignore it?

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Think of it this way - you need to perform at work, be present for your family and friends, keep on top of everything else, but you can only do this if you are fully fuelled and operational. Relaxing feels wrong because it doesnt feel productive- you can't point at something that you have achieved with the time. However, that does not mean it is NOT productive - it simply means that the benefits are not as tangible. resetting your brain and body stress responses has a huge knock-on effect on health, resilience and happiness - the very things you need to cope with life and thrive. Please try and let go of the idea that time spent on relaxation is wasted time - it is akin to refuelling a tank. No-one would expect to undertake a long journey in a car with no petrol, and the human is far more complicated than an engine. This will not be helped by hormones being out of whack etc, so maybe look into some support with that too, but overall you need this. Be kind to yourself

Maybe build time up slowly? Commit to giving yourself a ridiculously short time (5 mins?) to read a chapter of a book. And see how that makes you feel
lf it makes you more positive about the rest of the day - then realising its value will help you continue
Recognise that tasks expand to fit the time available. Chances are no one will notice the difference if you take a little bit of time off every task and hand it back to yourself.

I find a good long walk in nature does it for me, just by myself. It is active relaxation. Even in the rain. A podcast or audiobook if racing brain is the issue.

The other thing to consider is: if the house being in order is what matters to you, and the burden is falling to you, can you get someone in to do a one-off deep clean? For therapeutic reasons.

@rivercobbler I came here to say the same. Yoga nidra is amazing. There are so many different videos/podcasts available.