Preteen bad behaviour

[Mumnaop]

Hi daughter is 11 and Lately she is just making terrible decisions. She’s been allowed more freedom and she’s just spiralled with it. For example, she stole from a shop despite having the money. She was supposed to be home at 4pm, called at 4.10 and she was totally unbothered ‘just hanging out by the shops’, no care in the world that she was late. She has been very impulsive at school, shouting out and getting in arguments with her friends.
I’ve noticed on class WhatsApp groups she will just join in the crowd even if they are being mean with no thought.
She is adequately punished for these (had to go back to the shop and apologise for stealing, grounded for 2 weeks and lost her pocket money. For being late home she wasn’t allowed out for the rest of the week. Bad on her phone she loses it for a certain period. We also talk through it and why it’s wrong, we could talk for 2 hours and the next day she would do the same thing if she could. She’s just unbothered about her punishments and shows no remorse at all. I don’t know what to do. Any tips? Dreading secondary school when this is the behaviour now!

Very difficult for you. I personally would not let her hang out , she is still at primary school. I did not give my kids spending money so I could control what was bought. So I bought the snacks etc. If they were going to the cinema I would get the ticket and treats, especially at high school, they took a packed lunch and had bus pass. They could not vape for example as they didn't have money. I was strict but as a single parent I needed to know they would do as they were told. Luckily we live rurally and unless they wanted a very long walk, they needed a lift so another thing I had control over. I feel for you but don't back down. If my kids said I hate you I said good because that means I am making you do as you are told!!

Hi OP. Please don’t take this as a criticism but she is too young to be hanging out and have a phone. I would pick her up from school and get her home and not be giving her any phone. She is clearly not mature enough to be handling that sort of responsibility atm and that’s ok but it does mean that if I were in your position I would rethink the freedoms you gave her.

edited to say: I also didn’t give my eldest any pocket money until secondary school - for snacks.

You're giving her the freedom of an older child and she can't control her own behaviour. These bad choices come from too much freedom.

Thank you for the replies. All of the children in her class have a phone and she walks to school so it is useful as I can track her. Is she really too young? It’s so hard because I didn’t actually want her to go out but all her friends do, and she had struggled with bullying previously so I think I was just so pleased she was being invited that I let her go, and so was she!
She does chores and gets money, only £2.50 a week if she does all chores required of her. She used to save this up and buy a new top or something after 2 months or so, but now she spends it on mars bars at the shop with her friends so it isn’t great. I do worry if I stop all her freedom, what happens at secondary school. Or how you know when they are ready? Thank you all for the comments.