Tell me about your clever child

[Mumtomyson]

Name change for this, and difficult to talk about with real friends. How clever are your clever children? Is there a benefit in doing intelligence testing?

DS is 6 and from a very early age people have remarked on how clever he is. It’s hard to put your finger on why; he is advanced academically, but there’s also something about the way he thinks and talks that makes a lot of people say, “have you had his IQ tested? He’s really quite clever!” But perhaps people always say this? He js our first so no comparisons, although school have also said he’s switched on and thinking in a way that’s unusual for his age.

DH and I are reasonably intelligent people (terminal degrees from good unis, working in careers where people say “oh you must be very clever”). But I don’t know if his intelligence is particularly different from that of other children.

We are wary of labelling him or putting him through unnecessary testing so I don’t know what benefit an IQ score would provide, except that it may open doors in secondary school for him (we are currently abroad and may return to the UK in a few years).

An IQ score won't open anything at school. They'll soon spot him for themselves and if they have funding for extra challenge then he'll get it. And it's a very big if.

You don't need a number. You can tell he's clever. Deal with that. Puzzles. Languages. Coding. Music. Art. Physical challenges (karate, dance). And the correct way to respond to people who grasp things more slowly.

Just encourage his curiosity.

Just enjoy! He’s 6. So much to look forward to. School will hopefully stretch him appropriately. And I’m sure you will too.

What examples have you of his cleverness?

Are you in the USA? IQ tests really not a thing in the U.K. in the same way they sometimes are in some parts of the usa (where I have family, plus in laws and partner was a “gifted” child in the USA). They certainly would have no impact on secondary schools.

One of my children is very noticeably clever, in a way that sounds similar to your son. ie people have often commented over the years, from strangers to friends, family, neighbours. (She isn’t unusual imo but she is confident and outgoing and so her cleverness is apparent, iyswim.)

Not a single person has ever mentioned an IQ test. I don’t set much store by IQ tests personally; I agree you find ways to engage and encourage your kids (whatever their ability) and an iq test is irrelevant.

That said, my other child has some other stuff going on and may have cognitive tests as part of those assessments which could turn out to be useful insofar as they can explain where she does/doesn’t struggle and whether she is reaching potential or not.

I wouldn't think about it too much at 6 tbh. My DS was told all his life by family members, teachers, that he was exceptionally bright. DH & I were guilty of this too at primary age. He was v bright if natural curiosity as a child, good general knowledge & passion for reading is an indication. He's now 20, only just above average GCSE results, v average A levels results. Now at a decent uni & doing fine, but all quite "average". The constant praise as a child has made him feel like he hasn't met his potential unfortunately. So, in short, I would advise caution before telling your DS he is very bright!!

He’s only 6! Why the talk about IQ tests? Children all develop at different rates so he may be ahead for now but others also may catch up. Just carry on doing what you would do for any other child.

DD is and always has been very academic and generally pretty smart.
Never had her tested but she was always ahead of most of her peers at Primary, got the highest SATS score at the school, passed 11+ for Grammar quite easily and was also offered a part scholarship at Private school
BUT there were many areas where she did need support such as relationships and not getting too upset at "failure". She faced MH issues and self harmed between the ages of 13 and around 18 and while she is ok now she is still very very hard on herself and struggles with anything short of perfection.
She was very happy during Covid as she could study at home and didn't have to socialise at all.
Her slightly above average laid back brother is much easier and happier.

My (now grown up) ds is very clever. 1st from Oxbridge, top of his year. At 6 he stood out, not only because he was exceptional in one particular subject but because already at that age he loved learning and loved working hard.
IMHO there is no point in IQ testing - have faith that the school will pick up on his abilities (although getting any additional help in the UK state sector is unlikely). DS had some fantastic individual teachers at secondary (state) who nurtured and encouraged him and in the end that was enough.

My eldest is very clever (no common sense though!) he has never been IQ tested although when he started primary school he had his reading age tested by the educational psychologist.

The main concern with clever children is that for a long time they find things very easy and do not have to work hard. Once they jump up an educational level they often then struggle as things become more reliant on them working and researching on their own, for some kids the wheels come off when they start secondary, or 6thh form. For others it is when they go to Uni. Therefore it is really important to help them learn these skills and how to work at something and to 'learn to fail'.

With the greatest respect OP this post reeks of pushy parenting. If you want a happy, intelligent, well rounded and likeable child - leave him be. Enjoy his curiosity and intelligence and encourage a love of learning and enjoyment in education but do NOT push labels of excellence upon him. There are so many reasons why children don’t need to be told they’re better than everyone else that they don’t even need listing here.

Ps this is coming from a parent of an exceptionally intelligent child - not that id ever say that out loud!!!

I wouldn't bother with IQ tests. Keep him occupied and engaged. Discuss things he's interested in, follow his lead on what he wants to learn, rather than encouraging him to get ahead. IMO extreme intelligence can be a social handicap. Kids notice that the geek asks questions they don't understand or replies or discusses things way above their heads and it can lead to isolation or bullying. It is vital that you focus on developing his social skills: how to play and get along with other children, team games and ball sports, making music together etc.

His intelligence will grow with him, naturally. But it could exclude him socially. To thrive in life, he needs to be someone others feel at ease around, whatever level skillset he's operating at. That is the most important focus for parents of very clever kids. Teach them the art of relaxing over a film and pizza at a sleepover, or passing the ball to someone on their team.

Mine was doing long division on the whiteboard in year 1. Recognised numbers into the billions when he started reception. He's autistic though.

GCSEs level 9's, 4 A* A levels, 1st grades for all eight modules in first year of uni. He does as little work as possible.

Weirdly though, people comment more on my other son's intelligence even though he re-sat GCSE's and dropped out of A levels.

Eleven 9's that should say

My DC is very reserved but engaged in learning and reading. I knew he was smart when he asked what happens when you multiply infinity by ten when he was in reception. He's good with abstract concepts

Also when my children had friends over and I would set them a fun task or make up a game and my two always listened more carefully and had better focus. I only ever had to explain once to them. I couldn't believe how flighty some of their friends were.

Look up growth mindset
Don't focus on him being clever this label can be harmful to children funnily enough

It’s mainly an issue in early primary school where it’s harder to get good curriculum customization and children are naturally at so many developmental levels.

We did do detailed neuro-educational testing at age 9 because dd was very stressed at school. That helped guide us in solving her problems.

things to watch out for out teachers using students to tutor other children. Teachers using your child as a buffer for badly behaved students. Your child being bored at school and not engaging.

a good teacher will find ways to challenge all students. Dd has hyperlexia so those early years were hard. We had one teacher that let dd read the novella she was writing when she finished her schoolwork to the class. She wrote much more than she ever had time to read, but it kept her motivated.

As a very clever child that was constantly told I was a very clever child (and had the IQ test etc. to "prove" it), I say please be more blasé about it. it's a bit like being told you're very pretty all the time, or very good at a certain sport or something. It takes over your identity. And when I suddenly didn't feel particularly clever anymore at an elite university, it was a huge crash down.

I agree
Steer well clear of this sort of pressure

To a child it’s seen as an expectation of success. Which unfortunately many put down simply to high grades.

He sounds like he’s a bright lad but I wouldn’t worry too much about an IQ score for him at 6.

also some kids are just precocious and level out. When our kids were small I had a friend who’s dd was hyper literate and very articulate from a very young age. You know the sort of kid who read the hobbit in reception. Then ended up very much averaging out. Average GCSE results. Below average results at college and dropped out of the open university course she signed up to. She was told she was a genius when she was young so it was hard on her to find out that she wasn’t.

my dd and the dc of other friends who were bright enough little kids but didn’t seem as exceptional have actually gone on to do much better in the long run. Just enjoy him being 6.

Having taught ‘bright’ children, the first thing was to check across all areas of development.(UK, EYFS)

Often, the profile was uneven and although I planned so that the challenge was included in the areas where the child was already developmentally ahead, I would also plan for the areas where development wasn't so, to even up the profile and therefore development of the child. This also added more challenge for the child.

Often the personal, social, emotional development was less than mathematical, language or reading development.

An added focus on the characteristics for effective learning too.

This was us a few years ago.

Do any decisions rest on the outcome of a test?

You don’t need an IQ test to give him a challenging and enriching environment. Your local school probably doesn’t need anything like that either.

However, if you are planning to return to the UK and thinking of a super-selective school at 7+ or 8+ (or even 11+), then yes you should start planning now, as your local curriculum probably won’t prepare him. Part of that would probably be some sort of assessment so you know what is realistic/likely to help him.

If you would go to your UK local school anyway, then I’m not sure a test adds much.

My two are clever and they don't like getting things wrong. Definitely praise effort rather than achievement. There was a study that showed kids who thought of themselves as clever were less willing to try something tricky in case they got it wrong, they were terrified of failing.

Equally though I think it's important if they hate sports day to point out some kids feel like that every day, and sports day is the one time they actually enjoy school. And just because you enjoy maths, have some empathy for the kids who detest it, find it impossible, and have to do it every day 😅

Mine is very clever, always knew this about her and it was confirmed with an IQ test (part of some wider investigations). She is currently 7 years old.

She has an insatiable thirst for knowledge, enjoys board games, puzzles and chess, loves reading and she is currently learning a third language. DD loves learning about current affairs, nature and history. She is also quite the little activist, since reading something about it she's adamant about not wanting anything made with palm oil and labels get checked thoroughly.

She also suffers from unhappiness and anxiety a lot of the time, especially around school. She thinks she is stupid, because she is not good at mathematics (read: it does not come as easy as other things). It breaks my heart.