How can I help my friend/neighbour. Food bank issue

[Footnoteintime]

I’d be really grateful for ideas. My neighbour who has gradually become a friend over the last 18 months ish really needs encouragement to use a food bank. She works so hard but is self-employed and has nothing at the end of month after vital bills. She does get some UC. She has had 2 recent very close bereavements and has a noisy neighbour so isn’t getting enough rest and is sad and exhausted. I’ve encouraged her to get a benefits check to make sure she is getting everything she can claim and am supporting her emotionally as best I can. She has been brought up that you give to others in life, not take, as there’s people worse off. She helps others in her religious community but is totally against using a food bank etc as she doesn’t want to be a ‘charity case’ or be pitied etc. I get that, I really do but she’s not eating properly and is too exhausted to make herself regular meals . Sometimes her fridge is empty . I buy extra of what I make and cook to fill her freezer. She saves what i make her for when she’s ill or extra exhausted as I know she doesn’t want to take from me . She’s so appreciative even though I know she doesn’t want help.

If ever anyone deserves a supply of basic food it’s her but she is so proud and brought up in a country that gives back not takes anything for free. It’s just about ok for me to help her I think as I’m a friend and I don’t pity her or act like I do and she knows I’ve been through really tough times too in the past. I’m worried she’s going to be too ill to function at this rate. Has anyone got some ideas how i can help her see she isn’t ’a charity case’ and this isn’t a sign of failure or taking away from anyone more deserving than she is. Sorry this is so long. I absolutely don’t mind making extra but I’m on a fixed income too . I can afford to feed myself though and am not chasing my tale and struggling with every bill and rent etc like she is, but it’s not sustainable on an ongoing basis. I am too worried to not see she has some nutritious meals though . Thanks for any suggestions

If you had some money I'd suggest buying a big 10kg bag of rice and some big 3kg bags of pasta - i think you could get 1 bag of Laila rice and 2 x asda pasta for under £20 in Asda - that way there's always a staple there for her, and she can bulk out what you're able to have left over

Otherwise it's difficult to really suggest anything 🥺 - maybe you could find out the exact process to get a referral to a food bank

Ie, which children's centre to go to, the name of someone she can deal with who will be the only person she deals with, so there's less people involved

❤️

Hi, I think sometimes going to a food bank for some people can be daunting on their own maybe offer to go with her. Or if you are happy to continue to cook in bulk their is a site called Olio i collect donation from Iceland Tesco ect so people can collect directly from me neighbours especially those who don't drive. Its a widely used app with some very lovely people. You can also request and collect from people yourself. x

Do you have one of those community pantries nearby? They’re like a food shop where you pay a weekly amount eg £4 and choose £20 worth of stuff off their shelves (also have fresh veg!), if you casually mentioned a friend telling you about it and suggest that you both check it out to see what it’s all about, she may be more open to using that.

Well - food banks are supposed to be an emergency measure for three days only I think; I can’t see how they’d help in the circumstances that you describe as it sounds ongoing.

Also food banks don’t really provide ‘nutritious meals’ - it’s very much emergency measures; baked beans, tinned soup, tea or coffee, cereal. They do a brilliant job but I’m not sure it would be helpful to your friend.

Can you position it as a very short term thing, so that she’s got the energy to get a job which would support her? It doesn’t sound like self employment is working out, and as she sounds like she has a good work ethic that might be the push she needs.

I would see if there is a community pantry nearby and maybe go together? There is one near us that specifically says it's not just for those in crisis or on benefits. They get a lot of supermarket surplus so you could sell it to her as avoiding food waste.

This is all so useful thanks. Olio sounds amazing . I don’t mind making extra it’s just the ongoing extra cost of doing that. I cook twice a month and freeze portioned containers to take out each day so that’s what I’m doing for her too. I give her bigger helpings as she’s younger and much more active than me and could use a bit of extra weight on her at the moment. I will search for community pantries near us too. I get the thing about food banks being more an emergency measure rather than a regular thing and this is ongoing. I can see if she would feel better if we went together to a pantry rather than by herself. Her English isn’t great so that might help . I know what food she likes/eats so am also happy to just get what I know she would enjoy with basics added like milk, bread , spread which I noticed she didn’t have last time I went to hers 😬.

If she’s self employed and struggling so much would she be better off looking for a paid job? If she’s not making minimum wage being self employed then FT paid employment even on NMW would be better?

you sound like a lovely friend and I hope there’s better times ahead dot your neighbour who also sounds lovely

It might also be worth pointing out to her; if she's always someone who always gives and never receives; that she needs to set an example of being willing to accept help. If people in the community see her accepting food but also eg volunteering at a playgroup, they will be much more willing to accept eg support/advice about raising their kids whilst donating to the food bank. Things need to come around for community to work.

She really needs to look at getting paid employment I think. She seems happy enough to take regular food from you though OP…..

I’ve found a food pantry near us and I’ll contact them tomorrow. She has just taken a second part time job so hopefully that will help. I agree that a paid employment job would be a good idea . She is based in a local business on a SE basis but pays owner half what she earns which is a real issue if she has a quiet week/month or is sick. I’m so glad I started this thread it’s really helpful. I have said about life being about giving and taking and there are times when we need to accept we need help like this and it’s ok . She does plenty for others and offers to help me with things she can do but I struggle with . Life is just so flipping hard for so many right now .

Have a look on your local council’s website for Household support fund, she might be able to apply for a one off grant to help cover immediate day to day needs whilst she sorts out her finances. Also suggest that she checks for any help available from benevolent associations/ unions for her current or any previous professions.

If she’s self employed, can she boost her business? Find out if your local council runs business support. Ours has a growth hub that can help with finding funding, premises, training… If it is a case of improving her online presence, there is a lot she could do herself for free.

If she has already maxed out the potential for her business, maybe now is the time to consider other work. There’s lots of free CV writing help.

What a lovely friend you are @Footnoteintime ❤️

Sorry just seen your update, I hope some of the above is still helpful.

Some churches are now offering supplies that you just take if in need rather than going to the actual food bank

Too proud to take from charity but doesn’t mind taking from you?

She sounds like the typical user/scammer type. They befriend people, give them a sob story, act a martyr but all the time they’re happy to take and take from those around them.

ImAChangeling. I’ll def look into grants , benevolent societies and diversifying what she does. She’s got a lot of v useful skills - diy and could maybe tutor people wanting to learn/improve her first language.

I know how important it is to know someone is in your corner when life is totally shit, MrsRuthFisher . She had a totally horrendous childhood too. Here’s to better times . She really needs some

Good advice has already been given so I just wanted to say that you sound lovely OP. Everyone needs a friend like you.

FloppySarnie That’s so kind of you. Im old enough to be her DM and if my DD was going through all this in a foreign country on her own and the closest family members she had died within a few months of one another , I’d hope someone somewhere would do what they could to help her . I’ve been through times where my friends have helped me to get through and it meant everything to me.

Be careful it’s not some sort of scam. It sounds like the sort of thing.
Hopefully not, and poor woman if it’s true. Hope she gets the help she needs.

Invite her for a meal at yours. It'll be a rest from cooking for her.

OP, you sound like a lovely person and I wish you were my neighbour 😊, but....

Alarm bells ringing for me I'm afraid. I would sign post her to help but don't fall into a trap of being the one to pay out of your own pocket.

Why would someone understand the mine field of claiming UC and be quite happy to do that but refuse help from a food bank? I fear you are slowly being groomed to provide hard cash.

Thanks for raising possible red flags for scamming . Everything totally stacks up that she’s genuine. She wouldn’t ask for money and I wouldn’t agree to if she did . Not even as a loan.