I wish I had the personality for a career

[Adogcalledcolin]

I have never enjoyed a single job I have had. My qualifications are basic and minimal as I’ve never had a passion for a specific job to train in. I wasn’t raised with work ethic which may contribute.
I have social anxiety so working with big groups or customer based roles is really difficult for me. I have a phobia of speaking on the phone and initiating contact face to face.
The jobs I did have were a struggle and I left because of bullying because other staff didn’t understand my personality. I’m very likely autistic and prefer keeping to myself, I need time where I have peace to be left alone as too much going on around me makes me very over stimulated and stressed. This doesn’t suit many or any jobs so I don’t last in any job.
I would have loved to be a midwife once upon a time, but having a fear of speaking would make me so unsuitable to be responsible for women and babies. I feel like I look to an adult for reassurance despite being almost 40 myself.
There was a job going for a receptionist at my dd’s school which would have suited me perfectly but I didn’t apply because of speaking to parents and answering phones.
I don’t have the ‘correct’ personality for any career choice and feel my anxiety and other issues have held me back.
I have got help for my issues and I am on medication but nothing has cured it. I’d rather never work again but I can’t afford to stay home when mat leave ends.
What do you do when you don’t feel you belong in any job role?

Well, if you don’t like crowds or speaking on the phone, what about a wfh job where you work by yourself?

If you are not diagnosed autistic, would a diagnosis help?

It’s good for people to have a purpose, and that includes a job.

alternatively, you could try to teach yourself to use the phone without fear. That would broaden your life a lot. What do you do if you have to ring your kids’ nursery or doctor, for example?

I thought quite a lot of people feel that way and just suck it up until one day it's not such a big deal any more.

Do you have things you like doing outside of work? Even scrolling social media,?

I never enjoyed working (not working now for personal reasons).
A lot was similar to what you said - having to talk directly to people, too much going on around me.
I always say if I had to go back to work I'd look for factory or warehouse type jobs where I am literally just packing things in boxes or similar.
Turn up the work, pack boxes, go home.
Would that suit you?

I don’t think this has anything to do with ‘personality’. If you have poor MH that means you’re unable to engage normally with others in social or collegial situations, work on that. It’s eminently fixable, with effort and a good therapist. If you think there’s a chance you’re autistic, a diagnosis would enable a potential workplace to make certain accommodations.

It’s shit how these sort of threads always attract the disabled haters- if you don’t understand what autism is then kindly fuck off and keep your nasty opinions to yourself (perfect example above chiding the OP for having “poor MH” and not being able to interact “normally”- without the slightest hint of embarrassment of how shitty and offensive that attitude is.

But @CatsMagic OP isn't diagnosed autistic. So until she gets a diagnosis or not then it would fall under MH issues really.

There was a job going for a receptionist at my dd’s school which would have suited me perfectly but I didn’t apply because of speaking to parents and answering phones.

Okay, so it wouldn't have suited you at all then, would it? You just liked the idea because it sounded convenient and easy.

There are jobs that will suit everyone perfectly. It's just a case of identifying them. That's the first hurdle. Besides which, few people are lucky enough to be in the perfect job yet they get on and do the job they have nonetheless. I think too many people expect that their job should meet all of their personality needs and dreams and be enjoyable, enriching and rewarding to do, which is not really the point of work. That's why it's called 'work' and why we need to be paid to do it. If you do get any enrichment or sense of purpose from your job, then that's a bonus but it's not a pre-requisite that most people can afford to hang around and wait for.

Obviously there is little point in applying for jobs you know you will be completely crap at, but holding out for something to be just right that will not challenge you in any way is entitled and unrealistic. You could work in a supermarket presumably, as there is very little need to interact with strangers beyond saying hello and asking if they have a Tesco clubcard. Other than that, it's not highly stressful or especially over-stimulating. Repetitive factory production line work is not over stimulating either. It's dull and probably tiring, maybe noisy, but you might be able to wear headphones. Delivery driving is ideal for people who don't want to speak to people much. There are some time pressures involved, but you can't have everything.

There are jobs you can do that are entirely work from home and admin based, no real need to interact with anyone in person or on the phone. Admittedly they are in high demand as you can imagine, as no fucker these days wants to get dressed, leave the house or have to meet anyone or speak to anyone, either on the phone or in person. So you'll have some competition, mainly from everybody under 25 (who incidentally will also believe they are probably austistic and/or ADHD and say they are highly anxious and phone phobic) but those jobs do exist.

I do agree with those above, if you think you're autistic a diagnosis would be a massive help in getting accomodations and support. There's no shame in getting the support you need.

In my view, you develop a personality while
working, though. You have to practice to get good at something.

No one leaps into the world of work at 18 or 21, loving making phone calls and talking to clients, or standing up in front of a room of people. Everyone hates that stuff at first (everyone!).

Most people put on a fake personality at work as well. A customer-facing “pleasant” “helpful” vibe. It’s a skill, you learn it doing the job and watching what your seniors do, and copying. Everyone has imposter syndrome and everyone is just taking a punt at it.

You practice these things, and push yourself through the discomfort, and slowly become good (or passable) at it.

Or you don’t.

Your post reminds me of the audiobook I listened to recently called, "There's no such thing as an easy job". It's not a self help book that will help you resolve anything, but it might be enjoyable company as you make your way.

sounds like u need a non customer/ people facing role then- perhaps something in tech or bookkeeping or warehouse work. Pointless going for customer facing stuff if it doesn't suit

I think it would benefit you to spend some time thinking about what jobs you do feel able to do.

The receptionist job isn’t going to work for you right now if you’re going to feel very anxious.

Have you thought about accessing some sort of job coaching, ideally with someone with an understanding of mental health difficulties and neurodiversity?

I think it would be really helpful for you and your confidence to think about your strengths and what skills you could build on.

IT skills are useful. I know of people who have done transcribing, translating and subtitling from home.

I do think an autism assessment could be helpful and could open up more support for you. I know the CMHT in my area do work coaching and sometimes the IAPT services do too.

All that is much much more challenging with mental health issues and possible autism.

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-employer/toolkits-and-resources

Contact ambitious about autism about their careers service, they help people with autism find jobs.

I worked as a shelf stacker as a student and done night shift, I barely spoke to anyone. Everyone is given their own aisle and you only see each other when you bump into each other when going back and forward to the warehouse.

What are you good at, are you good numerically? Do you prefer to be active? Are you organised? What qualifications do you have and what are the jobs you have done previously and any parts you maybe did like and didn't like?

I also absolutely HATE it answering phones. I've mostly avoided it in previous roles but this one I'm on calls non stop and the fears dissipated.

Supermarkets and factories can be highly stressful and over-stimulating for people with autism.

While I agree that all of us benefit from pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone, if op does have autism, she will need support doing that.

Hi op, someone I know with ASD works in a garden and acquatic centre. I don’t know if that would suit you? They water plants and look after tropical fish. It is quite a physical job and they have occasional customer interaction but because it’s in an area they have got to know a lot about, they don’t mind that so much now.

I think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to go straight back in to ft work if you do have ASD.

First I would try and get assessed. Then maybe approach some career organisations who help people with ASD.

After that, dip your toe in by volunteering somewhere. Or get a very pt job a few hours a week and build up from there gradually. Best of luck 💐