My 8yo's take on ADHD

[springbabydays]

She wishes she had it so then she'd be allowed to take a toy into school.

She has multiple classmates with ADHD diagnosis.

I explained they have toys to help them focus and she's lucky to be able to focus without a toy (I assume) but she insists they can focus without them. I didn't know what to say tbh.

It left me feeling sad. I don't even know why really!

What do you mean, you didn't know what to say? Wouldn't you just explain that she has clearly misunderstood the difficulties that people with adhd have and that it's actually quite offensive to dismiss their difficulties without any real understanding?

And while I understand that you would be sad about your child expressing such ignorant views, she is only 8, so still very teachable. Just explain and it won't be an issue?

When one of mine was a similar age they had a classmate who broke their leg. Mine was jealous & 'wanted a broken leg' too - he did break his arm a few months later & realized it wasn't as cool as he thought!

They are kids & don't understand these things & no way can an 8 year old judge which kids with ADHD need a fidget toy & which don't.

If fidget toys etc create a distraction in the class room then speak to the teacher.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I worry about saying the wrong thing when it's something I myself don't really understand. She spends more time with them than I do. I don't know if the teacher ever talks to them about it.

Maybe talk to the teacher, then. Explain that you're worried about your dd's lack of understanding and ask them to address it with the class as a whole?

Maybe read up and educate yourself on the struggles that people with ADHD face and then you'll be able to educate your daughter.

Children in the class being diagnosed with a disability of any kind is not something a teacher should be expected to talk about.

Stop feeling sad, which is of no use to your Daughter, and use this opportunity to explain to your Daughter that we are all different, and sometimes we require a different approach etc, to help us in our day, to day lives. It is down to you to find a way to explain to her, in a way that she will understand.

Imagine a computer with several tabs open and music playing and other sounds and trying to focus when your mind keeps flipping between thoughts like a slideshow…then you understand how my brain is and how I find it hard to focus in one thing because I can’t stop the other thoughts. I can go to look up my bank for example and another thought will jump into my head so first I check my e-mail, forget what I was actually going to do etc. its hard daily and exhausting to function and ‘mask’ .

Thank you, the first bit sounds like a good way I can explain it to her.

The second bit about getting distracted? That is normal for most people right? I get distracted all the time when I'm online (and offline tbh).

It’s literally ATTENTION DEFICIT.

Thats much more than run of the mill distraction.

Also add to this the I attention when you do certain tasks. I can come into the house walk through to the kitchen and lose my phone on the way ( my Apple Watch phone alert is my most used button)just because I had 7 different thoughts. It can take me an hour to put a washing into the machine as other things distract me doing 1 task. I lose my keys regularly as I put them down ‘somewhere…’ then get distracted while looking for them and forget what I was looking for. Line is 90% like walking into a room and thinking ‘what did I come through here for!’

'offensive, educate yourself, ignorant' - these are such melodramatic, self-righteous words to use about a child's observation.
I've got adhd (since no one is allowed to comment on anything if they don't have direct experience of it) and would find this cute and funny. Of course it seems unfair that other children have privileges they don't, especially when their adhd might just present as being distracted or hyper - to a child that doesn't look like anything other than behavioural choices. You can say to her, oh it just helps them focus. It would be nice if everyone could take in a toy actually, as that would make them feel less different.
Also, her comment that they can focus without it, might not be incorrect. Many times I've dealt with access arrangements for children during exams and the children have not used and or been dismissive of, their fiddle toy or other provisions. They might be diagnosed with adhd and have taken all the provisions they're entitled to, whether they need them or not.

If it helps, tell her my 13 year old would give anything not to have it. He always says why can't I concentrate, why can't I be like everyone else.

He really beats himself up over it, and certainly doesn't see it as a "super power" or think that being allowed a fidget toy in class is some kind of advantage . He would rather be able to sit still, be able to keep one thought in his head for longer than 10 seconds and not constantly feel different.

Then hyperfocus, I think my husband will divorce me if I mention a messed up parcel delivery for the 800000000000th time (it’s coming today apparently). Or you look into coveting and spend 5 hours reading about how cows eat grass…

Poppe think I talk too much but it’s actually how I organise my thoughts, I’ve got to verbalise them…

Thanks @Carouselfish I knew by posting I'd get responses such as these but I needed to put it out there in the hopes of getting some balanced input. That's why I ❤️ MN.

I think one of the most useful things they could do in PSHE sessions is to look at things like this which directly affect them all every single day.

There are books explaining ADHD in a child friendly way, I would have a look and see what one would be best for your dc, and quickly.

My dd was horrifically bullied in school for her disability because some jealous kids in class wanted the adjustments she had, even made up that they had the same disability, and then carried it over to secondary school telling everyone dd was faking it etc and its made her, already very small, world even smaller.

The bullies started innocently enough questioning things and I can only assume the parents handled it badly and so impacted my daughter further, so it's very important that your dc understands.

Third goady ND thread today. 🙄

I agree that teachers shouldn't usually talk about specific children, unless there are very good reasons for doing so, but I see no harm in them educating children about the differences between people. I remember my dd being taught about autism at primary school, and it greatly enhanced her understanding of ASD and her empathy towards children who had it.

There are lots of you tube videos for kids to explain ADHD and other conditions. Try this one- d

Teacher here. I’ve taught many children with ADHD and I’ve known precisely one child for whom a fidget toy helped. The rest hyperfixated on the toy instead. Then the children near the child with the fidget toy were distracted by the toy (they are children, after all).

There were also a number of parents who thought it was acceptable to send their child in with a toy which was ‘to help them concentrate’. No diagnosis, no prior discussion with school.

Fidget toys are just another of consumerism’s money-making answers to a deeper problem.

Everyone gets achey joints sometimes but it doesn't mean they're arthritic. So yes, everyone can get distracted, but with ADHD it is chronic and neverending and has a huge impact on work, friendships, relationships etc.

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel how awful, I'm so sorry to hear what she went through. Hope she'll be OK.

@TofuFighters ???

Thanks for that @BlueMoon23 👍

My brain feels like this, all the time but especially when l am work. DH tells me l have no concentration so l do wonder if maybe l have it.

She’s 8 year old and as alder adult with adhd I can assure you it’s far more than just taking a toy into school and being able to focus. What’s the point of your thread? Are you trying to say adhd is only about focus ?

Shaming a kid isn't going to do anything productive.

When I was 4 I couldn't understand why my newborn sister was allowed to "get up" in the night if she cried, because I was older and I wasn't allowed even though wanted to get up and play.

When I was 7 I wanted to wear glasses because my best friend had to wear them and I thought it was really cool. When I ended up getting glasses myself I realised it wasn't cool and just really annoying.

All this child is doing is wanting to take a toy to school. That's it. They can understand the explanation, that doesn't mean it stops them wishing the situation was different so they get to do what they want. I understand I can't afford a Porsche, it doesn't stop me wanting one because my friend has one.