Have any other mums left the family home?

[WorriedUpset]

How did that work out for you and the children, if they decided to stay in their familiar surroundings and therefore with their dad?

Two teenagers in this case.

No one?

I did.

We split. But remained in the family home for 6 months in the spare room.

Then I moved out after buying another house. He bought me out in the divorce that followed.

I couldn’t afford to buy him out so, unfortunately it was this way round.

I did. My son came with me for a very short while but ultimately wanted to be back in the familiarity of the family home and school, friends etc nearby. He stayed with me at weekends and 1 night through the week. He eventually came to live with me at 19, and we have a fabulous relationship, far better than he has with his dad, who I feel pushed my son to stay with him, to get at me. Things worked out for us.

Not me but interested in the responses.

there are an increasing amount of men that are the primary carer so when the relationship fails, what are the outcomes?

I think this may be in my future. So watching this thread with interest.

Not me, but my own mom walked out on us when I was 14, sister 10. She moved in with a bloke around the corner and we walked past their house every day to get to school. I could write a book really about the subsequent 40 years - the way my opinion of her has changed as I've had my own family. At 80 and trapped in a miserable marriage that was only ever based on sex, she regrets hugely what she gave up. My Dad never met anyone else, he devoted himself to us and then his great/grandchildren.
At the time (mid 1980s) it was seen as the most heinous thing a woman could do and I think my mom still feels shame about it. My Dad, OTOH, was regarded as some sort of saint. Hopefully things have changed now, although it is still very rare.
If it is you in this position, my advice is to involve your children in any decision-making. We came home to a note and then didn't see her for very long time after. It would have saved a lot of pain, therapy and years of no-contact if we hadn't had that initial awful shock I think. I hope whatever you decide to do works out well for everyone.

I didn't leave as such but teen son had to go to live primarily with father.

I have a number of illnesses. My mental and physical health was on the line. Additional needs involved.

You'll be facing alot of judgement over this. I however think you absolutely must put yourself first in this decision. I imagine you've done most the legwork all these years. Hopefully the dad is not abusive towards kids. Do what you need to do.

this happened with us purely as he had more money and a better job so could still live in the area they had always lived. It was horrific at first for me but easier on the kids as they had stability but on reflection i'd done the bulk of the child rearing and was fortunate to find myself in a position where every interaction with my children was quality time.

My advice is put their needs above ALL. Keep peace with the other parent. Make them nice food! make a big deal of birthdays and christmasss etc :)

Someone I used to work with did. She was the breadwinner, so her 2 daughters stayed at home with their dad, while she moved out. This was about 20 years ago and my colleague continued in a great career, and enjoyed a great single life that came with it - except presumably for every other weekend!. She maintained a wonderful relationship with the two girls throughout - they are still very close. The girls are in their mid-late 20s now and genuinely have a great relationship with their mum.

Good luck. It is definitely doable.

My brothers best friends mum left him and his brother in the middle of the night no note, phone call anything. They stayed with their dad in family home but struggled financially and the boys were over our house a lot for dinners, weekends so their dad could work. They never saw their mum again, she tried to message oldest brother on Facebook about 10 years ago but he didn't want to know. They don't have a great relationship with dad either he struggled to bring the boys up on his own and I think begrudged them and they all struggled to adjust to new life.

Mum apparently went abroad with a man she met on the Internet but we don't know anything else.

Both boys are in good jobs now and in happy relationships and stable.

I did. Exh told the dc I had moved out because I didn't want THEM anymore.. Dc were 3, 5 and 6...x Took years to repair our relationship. With 1 dc it sadly never recovered such a number ex did on him. . Ds was about 10 when he told me he knew df hated me more than he loved them.... I had dared to leave him. 2 dc left their df in their teens and went nc. We now had a fab relationship.. But it was hard.. Very hard.
Imo push for a sale and both buy new homes.... Don't be fooled your ex will play nice.

I considered it as I was the one instigating divorce and my kids were all older (20+). But exh said I would have to take the dog which just wasn't practical for the sort of place I would have been able to afford! And exh works 30 miles away so it was a much more obvious option for him to move nearer work.