Who gets the upstairs office?

[Nettyhugs]

We live in a big house that is seemingly not big enough. There’s an office upstairs and an office downstairs in a garden room that also doubles as a guest bedroom.

DH currently uses the upstairs office. I painted it when we first moved in but DH has otherwise done nothing with it. No blinds, no shelving, stuff piled up everywhere instead of on an antique bookshelf I bought. It’s at the front of the house so when you pull up the drive you can see into this room that has blank walls, no blinds or curtains and a naked bulb. As someone who loves interiors and takes pride in their home, this annoys me.

I currently have the downstairs office. I’ve painted and decorated it but it’s plagued with damp issues (which I have been trying to deal with) and as it has 3 exterior walls with no insulation it’s freezing when it’s cold outside. Circa 13C when the rest of the house might be 18C. I’m tired of being cold in there while DH sits upstairs in a warm office he doesn’t seem to appreciate. So I’m minded to appropriate his office and make him move downstairs. The only reasons I am hesitating to do that are 1) I sometimes work late hours so it would probably be less disruptive if I was working downstairs, away from the bedrooms and 2) he has keepsakes (late grandfathers military medals and flag) that he would like to display but doesn’t feel he would display in a guest bedroom (but also hasn’t currently displaced in the office he has had for 4 months).

If it helps, I have decorated the rest of the house with minimal help or input from him.

I think the only thing that's relevant is that it's too cold and damp downstairs so you should take turns and swap around every 6 months/year. Unless he doesn't mind a permanent move downstairs.

Perhaps you should also reconsider using that room as a guest bedroom if it's cold and damp?

You can’t unilaterally decide to swap offices. You need to have a conversation and ask him to swap. But of he says no you need to have an other plan - is there another room to use? Or if not you need to agree a plan to rotate. Either through the week or yearly. Or get him to agree to help sort out your office - under floor heating etc.

Can’t you get a heater for your room. Also work together to decorate his Office and make it nicer.
Have you discussed this and asked if he’d like a swap.
Sounds a little like you don’t communicate this between you.
We have a similar set up at our house Husband is in an office in own but it’s colder in winter and nicer in summer where I am in our front room which is warmer in winter but really hot in summer. His office is messy and my ocd would struggle with that.
I wouldn’t want to change as we are used to the arrangement but if I wasn’t we’d discuss it.

Get a heater.

Can’t you clear out the junk and share the warm office ?

@WallaceinAnderland i think I’ve sorted the damp. It was caused by condensation on the walls when it was really cold outside and I seem to have resolved it by using thermal paint. We will definitely need to get an extra heater put in there though, I’m thinking an oil heater will suffice. I suppose I’m thinking I would rather have a nice, dedicated office than one that doubles up as a guest room.

Edited to add: swapping on a regular basis wouldn’t appeal to either of us.

Also a dehumidifier.

Your poor guests!

Did you know it had a damp problem before you made it into a guest room and office?

There are different issues at play here.
Can you insulate the downstairs office ? If you can, I'd see it as the more desirable office with access/view on the garden.
As for decorating - did you suggest to your DH you'd like to decorate the room ?
I'm shit at interior decoration, and too skint/tight to pay someone to do it. If someone offered to help me make it look nice I'd be extatic.
But I'd say that making the downstairs office less cold and damp is a priority as it's not fair for either of you, quite aside from what the room looks like.

@OhHellolittleone I’ve already put DH on notice that I might be insisting we swap offices after a cold winter. He just shrugged. Either he doesn’t care or he will put up a fight when I actually make the decision! We can’t afford underfloor heating, just an additional plug in heater.

DH is miserly about heating and after 3 months of the whole house being ridiculously cold because he would only put the heating on twice a day and me nagging him to arrange for a Hive system to be installed, I finally booked it in myself and had it fitted about two weeks ago.

I started decorating his office as I have done the rest of the house, hence buying the antique bookshelf. I asked him to help me get it upstairs and he grumbled that “nobody had asked me” to buy it in the first place. He didn’t apologise and has had no decorative input from me since as nobody has asked me to provide it …

I think the downstairs office will be lovely in summer. It has bifold doors that open out to the garden, but I wonder if it will also be too hot!

No! Haven’t actually had any guests yet. First guests are next month and I’ll have to get a heater for them before then.

Beside the point but I wfh almost continuously with a heated blanket on my lap as my office is cold. I love it and it’s cheap to run. No one can see it on teams calls and I don’t have to keep putting massive jumpers on.

Hmm I don't know then.

It seems as though you were perfectly happy to take that office when you didn't realise there was a problem.

And now there is, you want to 'make' your husband swap and 'insist' he does it.

Decorating doesn't really give you the right to demand he moves, if he's been happily working in his undecorated office.

Wanting to swap because he "doesn't appreciate it: sounds rather childish. No one looks in your upstairs windows as they drive up your drive. Plus its an issue that could be easily sorted with a blind and lampshade.

However you office needs to be made habitable!

How about making the upstairs office double as the guest room.

Your OP does read a bit like you were happy to take the downstairs office, but having realised it has issues now you want to move and make your DH have it.

I actually think that you have the better deal here with a view of and access to the garden. My office also doubles up as a guest bedroom and gets cold but that was easily sorted by a plug in oil heater.

If your DH is messy or has things piled up then that seems like a waste to make a garden room more of a mess and make guests stay in a room with boxes piled up. Much easier to buy a lampshade and a blind for the upstairs room.

Then you could focus on making the garden room really nice. Put the antique bookshelf in there. We don't have guests very often at all so I got rid of the double bed that was in my office/guest room and swapped it to a single day bed with a pull out mattress underneath. It means two people can stay over and sleep in there but most of the time it takes up less space and I use it as somewhere to sit and read.

Great idea!

The upstairs office is too small to double up as a guest room. It could probably fit a small double but that would mean we had to share the downstairs office and I don’t think that would work (DH has a loud, booming voice).

@GameOfJones

Your OP does read a bit like you were happy to take the downstairs office, but having realised it has issues now you want to move and make your DH have it.

This is true. It sounds mean but I see it as my reward for transforming our house from a home that was close to uninhabitable to a very nice place to live almost single handedly. The vast majority of DH’s efforts have followed a big argument about his lack of contribution. He has shown no interest in the renovation and has seemingly been happy watching me freeze in the garden room all winter whilst refusing to put the heating on. So I’m not too fussed about the fairness of it all and I suspect he is not voicing an opinion either because he recognises this.

I actually think that you have the better deal here with a view of and access to the garden. My office also doubles up as a guest bedroom and gets cold but that was easily sorted by a plug in oil heater.

This is why I initially chose it. I might try out the oil heater before making a decision.

If your DH is messy or has things piled up then that seems like a waste to make a garden room more of a mess and make guests stay in a room with boxes piled up.

We rarely have guests but I also don’t believe in rewarding mess.

Much easier to buy a lampshade and a blind for the upstairs room.
Nope, not for him. As I mentioned in an earlier post, “nobody asked me to”.

Then you could focus on making the garden room really nice. Put the antique bookshelf in there. We don't have guests very often at all so I got rid of the double bed that was in my office/guest room and swapped it to a single day bed with a pull out mattress underneath. It means two people can stay over and sleep in there but most of the time it takes up less space and I use it as somewhere to sit and read.

My mum will be the main user of the guest room and she says she would like a dedicated bed. If she’s staying over it’s because she will be staying over to babysit after travelling a fair distance so I think it’s a fair enough request.