If you're alcoholic...

[HangingOver]

Do you cook with alcohol? I'm nearly 5 years sober and just started using red wine in a certain recipe (the little stock pot things aren't as good). Being so near the sight and smell of it is pretty strange. I buy a tiny bottle just for the recipe and put it all in.

Just curious.

Actually I said none of those things.

Luckily, anyone reading your post who looks back on mine will see that.

I'm sorry you feel threatened by a happy sobriety that looks a little different. I just wish to help other women like me. Nothing more, nothing less.

I certainly don't hate people in AA. I see them as victims of being told for years they're 'defective ' and 'self centred ' and 'full of ego' and can't trust their own thoughts. Hence the last bit , not trusting her own thoughts (the op) and needing to ask her sponsor if she could cook with a small amount of alcohol, compelled me to offer my viewpoint. There was a reason for my views.

But when I see fellow women so disempowered by a 1930s book written by men for men , I can't help but want to say "you don't have to live like that! You aren't this hopeless alcoholic who can't even walk past the wine aisle in Asda

1. I'm not disempowered
2. I haven't read it
3. I don't consider myself a hopeless
4. You said "I won't go on about it..." then proceeded to go on about it
5. It was Sainsburys

No, I wouldn't cook with alcohol at home. But I do have several bottles in my home.

I wouldn't knowingly eat anything with drink in it.
2 years sober.

I think she's quite justified.

Whatever works for you is great, but I think it's dangerous and irresponsible to try and change what has worked for someone else. Don't you see what the potential risks are for 'reframing' things?

Apple Cider Vinegar, anyone?!

The alcoholic in my life says things like that are a slippery slope.

The "just one bite" mentality.

But, everyone's journey is unique

Hence the last bit , not trusting her own thoughts (the op) and needing to ask her sponsor if she could cook with a small amount of alcohol, compelled me to offer my viewpoint. There was a reason for my views

My "sponsor" is my best friend who is also in recovery, but from narcotics. I didn't ask her if I was "allowed" - I asked her if she would cook with mephadrone and she said it would taste awful. Alsoso I did SMART not AA so start your own thread.

What do you think any “alcoholics” are? Male or female? Just people who like the taste of alcohol? Or perhaps mathematically challenged…can’t count how many drinks they’ve had? Trauma is always the reason. Whether it’s in the conscious or subconscious.

your comment is silly and dangerous

Up on D d

I wouldn't cook or eat anything containing alcohol (14 years sober)
And, of course, whilst I appreciate different views are available, I think if you’re an alcoholic, completely teetotal is the way to be.

So, you're correct. We agree. It is trauma routed.

So you take a traumatised female, who is by default of her sex already more vulnerable, you add in mental health problems (which alcohol will cause or worsen) multiplying the vulnerability, then you add low self esteem (which alcohol will multiply to a dangerous level) .... Then you stick her in a room of unqualified fellow damaged people, including men (some of which have nefarious ambitions) and tell her she needs to gain an unqualified "sponsor" to run her every thought past and tell all her darkest secrets too including her sexual history, throw a 1930s book in front of her that tells her she's "defective" full of character "defects" "self centred" "full of ego" and every personality trait she has is "alcoholic". She never gets to progress, she never gets to leave and any challenge she puts up to those ideas is labelled as "alcoholic self will run riot" . Anti depressants are viewed by some as continuing to engage in "addiction" (ok I accept that's not an absolute blanket belief) but in 2025 these ideas will not be the ONLY way to help vulnerable women. In my opinion (I've only offered it due to you attacking me and classing my views as 'dangerous') vulnerable women addicted to alcohol due to trauma deserve to know there are other ways to 'recover'.

If an organisation is so comfortable with itself. That organisation will allow constructive feedback and change to the adapting needs of its service user. It's 2025, we know so much more about psychology and trauma, especially in women , than we did in 1939. Telling a woman with mental health problems and subsequent addiction that the only way for her to heal is handing her life over to a higher power is dangerous. if it works for you, wonderful, carry on and I wish you every happiness. But vulnerable women with trauma deserve to know they DO have strength , power and other sources of help.

Yours faithfully, a sober, well healed, grateful to be alive (former gutter piss head) who just wants to help other women get to where I am. I got me better (with help) my power was inside ME. And I want someone reading this to know they too have the power in them .

Goodbye!

We get it, @Jalapenosplease you hate AA and are on a crusade to get us all out of it.

It's just that none of us asked for your help.

Honestly, you're coming across like some religious zealot.

That's ironic isn't it ....🙈

You're entitled to your beliefs.

I am pretty certain than anyone else (outside of any form of AA/alternative help) will read my posts and disagree with you. I'm absolutely certain of that.

Sorry that wasn't overly clear.

To clarify: I'm certain that lay people reading this thread will disagree with your view that I'm stating "I hate AA" and come across like a "religious zealot" . I'm very certain of that.

I’d avoid it personally, the bottle being in the house before it was used as an ingredient would be a risk for me. The smell of wine would certainly bring back cravings though I am only a few months sober so appreciate it may be different for someone who has been sober a long time.

Most people who are alcoholics used alcohol as a coping method, woman or otherwise. Your post is not in the spirit of the thread.

Wow. After 15 years he needs to chill. Hes obviously not over it

Oh as if. As if Lidl sell highly alcoholic tiramisu (which doesn’t usually contain alcohol) and as if - even if was alcoholic - your head would be ‘spinning’ after a mouthful. If you’d eaten the whole thing would you be texting an ex and puking?

Is that your most intelligent reply "as if"?

Are you 12 years old?

A good replacement for red wine in recipes is to stew a teabag. The black tea will add a similar tannin depth of flavour.

What a silly response.

@PollyCreo why can’t intelligent people state, as if? 🥴

@Jalapenosplease really interesting points, thank you. And I think some of the anger you’re seeing here probably proves your point around indoctrination from AA.

Yer ma

Thankyou for validating me. Being an empathetic person, I did have to re-read my own posts a couple of times after the responses, thinking "did I say that !? 🥴"

I didn't like to say, because I'm ripe for the attack at the moment on this thread, but I did kind of want to say "hmmm, you're proving my point" ...

Pardon me if I have missed it - in between your podcast recommendations, then repeated statements you will leave the thread, followed by your long posts explaining alcoholism to us, and your repeated defences of your posts - but have you answered the OP's question about her use of wine in cooking?