If you were a SAHM for a long time, how did you return to work?

[MLIAFM]

I’ve been a SAHM for over 10 years, it wasn’t planned to be that long, but circumstances meant it had to be that long.
My qualifications are out of date and im not going to be able to return to the line of work I was in before. All voluntary and paid jobs want 2 references and I don’t have any that I can use.
I’ve solely been a SAHM, so no courses, no PTFA, no church etc that I could use. My previous job I worked for an agency and did lots of temporary placements, so I’m not really remembered by them.
What do I do?
If anyone has been through similar, how did you return to work after an extended break?

Thank you

I was a sahm for 14 years. I got a job via an agency who didn't want references. Then I used that job to get a permanent job somewhere else.

I was a SAHM for 10 years but volunteered consistently through that time which gave me current references, and the volunteering was relevant to the post I applied for.
There was competition for the post too.

I related the volunteering skills back to skills I'd need for the job in the application.

I run a small charity and in similar circumstances we have offered women a small (2-3 hours) amount of remote volunteering - usually online research or similar - so that we can then offer a written reference they can use. PM me if of use OP. You can advance search me to see that I have been on MN for years and it isn’t some bizarre scam.

i just used references from my previous job, despite the fact that i had had a name change!

Exams invigilation, although it’s not quite peak exam season yet. It’s actually good work and schools round here are desperate for people to sign up, join the bank at a number of schools and you’ll get a good amount of hours over the summer season.

And this thread right here is why nobody should completely cease working.

I had 14 years out. I trained to be a teacher (shortage subject, generous bursary). Then straight into a job I love.

Would taking a year to do some training work for you? (Not necessarily teaching).

What does your ideal job look like? Then we can give more focused advise.

After 5 years out I volunteered (brief interview, and I knew someone already volunteering there - no references). Then moved onto PT, way below my previous role (references from company 6 years previous and the volunteering place). Earlier this year had a big step up, and a new role - no references required.

I'd say look for smaller companies to be more accomadating of none standard work history.

I've volunteered extensively over the last 2 decades and I've always needed 2 referees. I'm very lucky that I have good social capital and have friends/acquaintances in professional roles who can vouch for me on my voluntary roles.
It's so nice to see people like @TheWayTheLightFalls who are willing to give other women a chance ❤️

Could you do a TA qualification?
I got back into work via school midday supervisor, then TA / SEN support worker. I didn't need a TA qualification but it was a good route back into work. That said, it's low pay and bloody hard work 😂
I work in admin now

I was a full time SAHM from when DC1 was born (I was 18) to when DC4 started school (I was then 28). I then volunteered in schools and as a governor, before getting a job as an LSA. From there, I went to uni as a mature student - so didn't need A Levels - and got a first class degree in education. I was then able to train as a teacher and now, in my late 30s, have been teaching for some years.

Volunteering is the way to go, OP! You get references, contacts, and some mental stimulation.

Whilst I agree with you, that’s not helpful.
The OP states that it wasn’t just due to being a stay at home mum, but also heath related.
Most people wouldn’t choose to actively cease working , it must come with some difficult decisions.
We just don’t know people’s personal circumstances.

@MLIAFM have you applied to the seasonal roles that are currently out?

I was out of work for many years due to kids and family elderly caring. I applied for retail, gave 2 personal references, one of which was a professional person. Got a job within a few weeks. Worked consistently since.

I found that the main reason I couldn't get a paid job after 12 years wasn't just a lack of recent references but mainly a lack of recent job/working experience - several employers told me this after I had what they were looking for but couldn't offer as no recent working experience. I could still put down my last employer as a reference but also used someone who knew me well (who wasn't related to me but in a relationship with someone who is). For charity volunteering work they're mainly after two references from people who know you and not ex employment.
I was lucky when I was at the point of despair. I filled out a few applications to volunteer at charity shops and one got back to me and asked me in for a chat. The manager was keen to give me a chance and I did a taster session and then about 8 hours per week after that. After a year a paid position came up and I got that and am still doing it.
If I want to move on then I now have a recent employer reference and I have a choice of fellow volunteers who'd happily give me a reference too.
Ironically, my referees were never contacted.

And yet I'm pretty sure you'd be one of the first to report me if I'd left my DC with SN (who no childcare setting would take) home alone so I could go out to work Sometimes life deals us shit and we just have to get on with the best we can, we don't all live in some ideal dreamworld.

Do your DC do any clubs where you could help out?

Could volunteer to help out at a parent & toddler group. Put out toys,, tidy up, put back toys, organise teas & coffee & biscuits. Similar if you volunteer to help with U3A or an old people's coffee morning or to do nature conservation work. No one is going to demand from you 2 refs to clear out ponds or nature conservation work.

I was SAHM for 8 yrs & one of my refs came from someone who ran the P&T group.
My old skills were very out of date but I soon picked up new skills. Have hope.

Think of yourself like a 25yr old person without job history. What do they need to do?

@SAHMutiny No, my children have never been into clubs.

@Helpmefindmysoul no I haven’t applied for seasonal work because I can’t see a way around the references I need.

A big problem for me I think is I don’t look well. My illnesses have ravaged me and the damage can be seen, although my illness is stable. As much as discrimination isn’t meant to exist, it 100% does. The difference in how people have treated me pre-illness to now is staggering, even though I haven’t changed as a person. I feel really down about the whole thing.

Ok, so you're not applying because you don't have references? I just wrote "references available upon request" on my cv. Worry about that once you've got the interview! You can always ask them if they will accept a personal reference.

As I said upthread, I finally found a job and they didn't ask me for references because they knew it was a while ago that I was employed. They're not daft, they know it will be tricky to provide them. If they want to offer you the job, they will, even if you have to bargain for a longer probation period or something. But if you never apply, you will never have a chance.

A lot of the applications online that I’ve looked at have spaces for the names of references as a mandatory field, including voluntary work positions. That’s where I hit the stumbling block.

@MLIAFM Could you potentially use a neighbour as a second reference. I appreciate that might not be possible I mean I don’t really talk to my neighbours but I know a few of them and at a push would approach one or two for a character reference. Alternatively what about one of the parents of your children. You might have a parent who your child is close to and you see them / speak to them a bit more than others who could write it?

You’ve mentioned your illness too, if you’re under consultant care maybe they could also confirm they know you? I have an autoimmune condition and whilst I wouldn’t use my consultant as a first port of call I’m sure they would be willing to assist you given your circumstances.

I completely understand about your illnesses I feel that I’m not the same either but look specifically for employers that highlight disability confident employers as they will be more understanding I think. Also reach out to Shaw Trust who assist with employment.