Feeling like no one is that bothered about me!

[LittleBuddha89]

It’s starting to dawn on me that I’m no one’s first choice and that it always seems to be trying to make an effort and it is making me feel a bit low and crap.
My best friend is going through some big but exciting changes at the moment and I have tried my hardest to be there for her.
She’s happy to send me voicenotes etc and says she doesn’t know what she would do without me but when it comes to meeting up, it always feels like she is in a rush or it’s tacked on to something else she has to do! But she doesn’t seem to do this with other people. She met up with someone new recently at a really nice cafe and I know she spent a few hours with another mutual friend the other day.
I’ve got another friend who sends me regular voice notes and keeps me updated on her life but when it comes to meeting up there is always an excuse or she’s busy. I’ve not actually seen her in person for nearly a year! And I never seem to get messages from anyone else saying thinking of you or not seen you for ages, or how have you been.
It is always me that messages first!
I know this sounds a bit childish and pathetic and I wish I could just brush it off or think oh well and make more of an effort to make new friends but it’s a bit of a vicious cycle as I then think well why should I bother because the same is just going to happen and they’ll lose interest in me.
Not much point to this, just wondered if anyone else has experienced it and how you get past it or learn to not let it get to you so much?

No advice but I understand how you are feeling

This sounds like clichéd advice but start by putting yourself first. Act like you matter. Make choices that treat you as someone worthy of respect. Don't accept offers of catch ups that squeeze you in as an afterthought. If your closest friend suggests that, say no, you'd rather meet up at a nice cafe or bar for a proper catch up. Don't suggest a time or place, just leave that raised standard for them to act on.

If you find that a coffee chat turns into tagging along while they run errands, excuse yourself in a very friendly, gracious way and say you can see they are busy and you too have things to get on with. Never sulk or look wounded, just raise the bar and leave.

Start to develop new friendships and set standards for yourself that don't sideline you.
Also, build a wider life for yourself through fitness, volunteering, hobbies, classes etc and properly planned nights out or weekends away with partner or family or interest groups or reliable friends. Then you'll bring energy and news to the conversation when you do meet up.

I don’t have any advice either and also know the feeling. It’s horrible.
If anything happened to me I honestly think nobody outside of my home would even notice I was gone.

Same here but found @WinterFoxes advice actually very enlightening

I feel exactly the same, but then felt instantly better about the situation by reading @WinterFoxesreply! very good advice and I’m going to try follow it

I was thinking this the other day. I have lots of ‘friends’ but i am not anyones first choice. They all seem to have their inner core circle. No-one ever invites me really, always seems to be me arranging things. They have others to go on girly weekends etc.
i dont really know what the answer is really - unless i find someone like me who doesnt have a group of besties from school or uni etc…

Having felt something similar to you in the past, I decided to do something about and stopped chasing people who treated me like I was in a lower tier of friendship.
Get involved in something. If it also involves helping others and being of service, even better. One of my other friends who lives miles away from me felt the same and joined a choir. Now she’s never in and has made friends of different ages.
I did something similar and honestly when you are in a group of people mucking in to get something done, you do make friends who are already generous by nature.
Just existing like this is not good. Don’t be the fallback friend.
Create something for yourself. Find anywhere you can locally that has something on, charity projects, anything. They will be glad of your help. Through mine I have a good friend who is 85, and one who is 18, and every range in between.
And these people by nature rally. If someone is ill, or needs help, or is on their own at Christmas, there is always something being done.
You sound like a really kind and caring person. Use those wonderful attributes, you could do something meaningful with them.

I have just found this thread after feeling exactly the same this weekend. I have a wonderful partner and child but my friendships are here there and everywhere and I'm nobody's first choice anymore. Ive not really got any mum friends either and feel like everyone has at least a few - how do they find them?! I feel like there's something wrong with me. Some really great advice on here though and it proves you aren't alone in how you're feeling.

Another one here that could have written this word for word. Great advice though, think I need to look outside my village