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No proper 18th present

12 replies

lurchersforever · 13/03/2025 13:42

It's ds's 18th next week and I feel he has no real present - because he hasn't! He has a couple of pairs of tickets to different sports events, but 2 of these have already happened and 1 is a few months away. He has loved these and they haven't been cheap but there won't be any impact on the day. There is a possibility for me to get more such tickets but it's not definite and he has a lot on with friends/hobbies/travel over the next few months and not many free weekends right up until the end of the summer.

He has some clothes and a hobby-related item he asked fort totalling around £100. That's it...

He has no interest in driving (doesn't want to learn), tech, jewellery or branded fashion. I can't think of anything expensive to splash out on. My only thought is his bike has been stolen from our garage (he doesn't know this). He obviously doesn't ride it often but does go through phases of doing so and has spoken about wanting a bike for uni - but only vaguely. We wouldn't have been able to get his bike there anyway as my car is tiny and I can't ever work out the racks etc, so was considering getting him a folding bike. The problem is, I don't know how much he would actually use it.

I can't afford to throw money away on something he never uses but do want to get him a big ticket item. I'm even thinking of asking him whether he wants a bike and if not just giving him the money. When I asked what he wanted he said the hobby item that cost £30 and that was it. Would it be shit to ask him if he wants his bike replaced with one he could actually take places and if not give him cash?

What does anyone think?

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 13/03/2025 13:47

Honestly driving is a life skill that he really should have. Think how he’s going to feel when the girl/boy he likes doesn’t want to give him lifts or he misses out on a job because he doesn’t drive.

lurchersforever · 13/03/2025 13:51

Well I'm not getting him lessons he doesn't want for his 18th! He plans to live in cities and I can't see him missing out on jobs as a result of not driving. If it causes issues in his personal life I assume he'll address that as and when or deal with the consequences, but it's not really what I asked!

OP posts:
LardoBurrows · 13/03/2025 13:55

"Would it be shit to ask him if he wants his bike replaced with one he could actually take places and if not give him cash?"

I think this is the best idea rather than guessing and ultimately wasting money on something he doesn't want or use. You mentioned he is going travelling over the next few months and he may really appreciate cash to use for his travels.

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HerbertVonDoodlebug · 13/03/2025 13:58

Had the same issue with DS who turned 18 last month, again no interest in driving lessons, clothes etc. in the end, alongside a couple of token gifts I just gave him a fat wad of cash in a card, which he was very happy with!

Whoarethoseguys · 13/03/2025 13:59

Overtheatlantic · 13/03/2025 13:47

Honestly driving is a life skill that he really should have. Think how he’s going to feel when the girl/boy he likes doesn’t want to give him lifts or he misses out on a job because he doesn’t drive.

He doesn't have to learn now though! Lessons would be wasted if he isn't ready and if he doesn't intend to drive.
Driving isn't compulsory . I don't drive and it hasn't held me back. My children were both adults when they learned because they weren't ready when they were teenagers and they didn't need to drive then anyway. .

NaomhPadraigin · 13/03/2025 14:01

@lurchersforever I completely get you! My youngest turned 18 this week and there was absolutely nothing he wanted as a present. In the end he just got money (and new socks & underwear for something to wrap!). He wants to go inter-railing in Europe this summer so it's saving towards that.
Like your DS, he has no interest in learning how to drive right now. I'm sure he will eventually, but there's no pressure right now.
So money it is! Boring, but like you I'm not buying something for the sake of it.

belge2 · 13/03/2025 14:08

Can you take him away for the weekend? Went to Paris with my daughter - had a lovely time just the 2 of us. Perfect birthday present (she also got a few small gifts to unwrap)

Floranan · 13/03/2025 14:14

I had the same issue when my eldest was 18, in the end I did the same for all of them. Bought tickets for a concert or some special event they wanted to go to, my theory is you can’t loose a memory. Then I bought the boys a pewter tankard which they loved, my eldest is now 30 and uses his all the time as does his brother. My daughter I bought a pair of crystal glasses which she has on display in her room and uses on special occasions.

pursuitOfSomething · 13/03/2025 14:15

DS getting a new lap top - becuase he'll need one for uni - so that's his big present. Other than that it's books he wants and other things I think he'll need.

Can't remember what we got DD1 at 18 - it was an odd birthday right after A-level results and she was mentally off and last of her group to turn 18 and they were all over parties and events. She got a lot as we usually get a lot birthdays and christmas and little rest of the year but can't remember what.

ohtowinthelottery · 13/03/2025 14:21

If he's going travelling, why not just give him some currency for the country/ies he's going to. That was he can't just squander it here but it will be useful for his trip.
Sounds like he's already had expensive tickets - which I assume he knew were part of his birthday present?

Not sure I'd buy a folding bike unless he said he wanted one.

Coconutter24 · 13/03/2025 14:34

“I feel he has no real present

He has a couple of pairs of tickets to different sports events

He has some clothes and a hobby-related item he asked fort totalling around £100”

What do you class as a ‘real’ present? He’s got some and I’m sure he knows the tickets weren’t cheap! You also say you can’t afford to waste money on something he never uses…. So why does he need more, if you can’t afford it then save your money he has had plenty

Overtheatlantic · 13/03/2025 18:15

lurchersforever · 13/03/2025 13:51

Well I'm not getting him lessons he doesn't want for his 18th! He plans to live in cities and I can't see him missing out on jobs as a result of not driving. If it causes issues in his personal life I assume he'll address that as and when or deal with the consequences, but it's not really what I asked!

Fine but there’s no need to be rude.

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