Nursery Arrangement - Ideal?

[FeelTheRainOnYou]

Hi all. Please can this not be a SAHM vs Nanny vs Nursery debate? I’m genuinely after some advice.

When my DD turns 2.5 (September) I’d like her to do perhaps two days in nursery to get used to being in a different environment as when she turns 3.5 (next September 2026) she’ll be going to the nursery in the prep school she’ll be going to. The prep school nursery is from 8:30am-3:30pm in case helpful.

We also have another child who we want to wait until he’s older to go nursery (2.5 too) so our nanny will be taking care of him. She is lovely and an excellent nanny. Given our situation, which of the below do you think is ideal for the 2-3 days that she’ll go in September as I’ve seen two places that I like:

Nursery One - 3 half days (mornings) - so she can come home for lunch and nap. This is also term time only but remember we have a nanny. Will it be hard for her to adjust if just mornings?

Nursery Two - Only offer 3 full days and is all year round. but we can bring her home earlier. Will it be too much at this age for her/a waste of money as we have our nanny? Or easier to adjust as it’s a full day? I have reservations because we’d be paying the entire day and bringing her back earlier and there almost seems no need? I dunno!

I really liked both nurseries and they are equal distance from our house.

I would probably choose 3 half days at nursery 1, as it will be too disrupting for your DD to be picked up earlier than the normal finish at nursery 2. If you want her to do full days, you need to leave her in for the full days as much as possible.

If you've got lots of money I'd probably go for option 2 for the extra flexibility. She can get picked up early. She might still be napping in September, but she might well be dropping the nap or do so soon after, so I wouldn't factor that into your plans. But your younger child will probably want to be napping at around the time the nanny would be picking DD up from the morning session.

Just editing to add that we picked up DS1 early when I was on mat leave but we tended to leave it till after nursery tea, so 4pm. Otherwise he'd be pissed off that all his friends were about to have their tea and he wasn't.

This is really really helpful. I hadn’t even considered that my son would be napping at pickup time (he’s still young so naps all over the place!) and would rather he napped at home. Thank you for this and helping me see another way!

I would check the policy about picking up early at nursery 2. Sometimes they don’t like it if a child is leaving in the middle of activity everyday as it’s disruptive for the group.

Sorry just saw the edit. That’s a very good idea about after tea. I guess I am also feeling slightly guilty that she’ll be away from us/her nanny/her brother for so long everyday. Maybe I can also drop her slightly later in the morning?

IMO - I would say nursery 2 is going to set her up better for prep school nursery but you never really know do you 😂

My DD is 2.5 in May and has been doing 3 full days (8-4) at nursery for about a year she loves it.

She did 1/2 days for a few months to get used it as up until then she had just been with me.

Thank you. I asked them and they said they wouldn’t mind and are quite flexible and that particularly given parents WFH a bit more, they are used to it.

Thank you for the insight :) I’m glad your little one loves nursery. It’ll be her first time when she goes in September.

With the late drop off and early pick up thing, our nursery has quite set routines for meal times, so activities have to fit in between those and it's fine to drop off and pick up at times when the children and staff are all going to be on the premises anyway. If it's a nursery where they sometimes pack up their lunch and spend the whole day in the woods, or whatever, that would probably be slightly different.

How much disruption would it be to the nanny’s/child’s day to do the pick up? Is that suddenly 1 hour of prime toddler group time or when they are most alert that’s when they are going to be doing a pick up?

Thank you for this. No it’s one where they have all meals in nursery and quite a routine there. Any outdoor trips will be told ahead. I’m really grateful for you sharing your experience and it’s reassured me perhaps nursery 2 is the best. I can’t believe I didn’t think that pickup would clash with my sons naps!!

I would choose nursery one as you are already employing a nanny. She has got forever to do all day in school. Your nanny can provide similar activities at home in a more relaxed way in the afternoons.

I think both options would probably be fine, OP. It sort of depends on whether cost is an issue, and also what your nanny would be up to with your younger child from September 2025-2026. The half days may work easily into their routine, or could be quite tricky to manage if the youngest is asleep at home at pick up time.

My eldest stayed in nursery whilst I was on mat leave with my second, and they were totally fine with flexible drop-off and pick-up times as long as it didn't interrupt mealtimes. He always had breakfast at home with us and I'd take him in around 10/10.30, then pick-up either before or after tea - I would let the nursery know in advance. Obviously, I was paying for hours I wasn't using but this worked well for us all.

I think a bit of nursery prior to pre-school is a good idea, too. Mine slotted very happily into pre-school at his prep.

I had DD1 doing 3 full days (9-4.30) in nursery, and DD2 now does 5 mornings (9-12), from age 2.5. I think the 5 mornings is better for the child, as they arent away for the caregiver for so long (I am a sahm) and they can have lunch and nap at home. If they want more activity after the nap, there are usually afternoon classes or they can have time at a park or soft play.

DD2 will go to a prep school nursery next year, they allow dcs to attend mornings only or afternoons as well, so I'll start her on mornings and add afternoons when she seems ready.

Both of my dcs have enjoyed naps until a later age and I think a lot of kids still need them but only drop them because it isn't facilitated (eg no nap mats at nursery or no buggy to nap in).

Not a huge amount. We live quite close to the nursery and the routine is the majority of their outdoor activities are morning. So provided he follows a similar nap routine that his older sister currently does (😂!) then it won’t be much disruption and it’ll be a little outdoor walk/adventure.

Thank you for this and also thank you for not judging! Cost isn’t an issue. I really like your thinking and it’s something to consider as it’ll be nice for the kids to be home together in the afternoon.

Thank you. I suppose I always feel a bit of pressure regarding nurseries as I always read threads about how brilliant it is for children and it’s made me question myself at times.

Sorry I keep asking questions! But what’s your plan after you eldest goes to the preschool? Will you keep the nanny for your youngest? Or will you need them to go in full days regardless? (Assuming your youngest will go to nursery). Would them having different child care arrangements matter to you?

I agree it probably doesn’t matter either way both sound like a good option.

No the questions help you give me useful answers so I’m happy to answer!!

In all honesty we’ll probably keep a nanny for a long time. So there will always be our nanny around. So in this circumstance yes our nanny will be around for a good few years!

When oldest goes pre-school I’d like the younger to go to nursery and then the same pre school so essentially the same as the older did, if that makes sense??

As an update I just phoned nursery two to discuss early pick ups/late drop offs. They were very helpful and said they of course are happy to allow this but perhaps to do it as a regular thing. So she knows eg after tea it’s pickup. Or when she wakes up from her nap. Rather than chopping and changing everyday. I think we will go with option two. I also forgot to say that nursery one doesn’t provide a cooked lunch whereas nursery two does!