Unexpectedly pregnant with third

[OneLimePoster]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post but I found out this morning I'm unexpectedly pregnant with what may be our third child. I would love to hear from others that unexpectedly went from 2 to 3 or from others who found out they were pregnant with the third and terminated and why they did (if you are happy to share).

We have a 6 year old and 3 year old. While I've always wanted a third baby, the 3 yo has been sleeping loads better and is more independent so last 6 months I've resigned myself to being done. We were not actively trying anyway and we are both happy with two.

My period was 6 days late (which is not unusual for me) so I took a test and saw the positive sign.

DH and I are in shock as we weren't expecting this and used contraception.

while I wanted a baby, the older and more independent the kids get, the less inclined I am to go through the baby years again. I feel like the lack of sleep maybe beak me. Whilst we have some support from loving grandparents, I would never ask/expect them to help out with three kids - it would be too much.

I'm not sure how we would cope. We both work full time and while maternity pay is generous at work I don't know how school runs would work with three kids. My eldest is very strong willed and often runs off (very quickly) without me leaving the youngest stumbling after him.

financially, we would cope but just about. We would need a bigger car and wouldn't be able to afford the holidays we usually go on.

On the other hand, I've always wanted a big family and always had visions of three. A few of my colleagues have three kids and love it, but their kids are older.

I am also worried about giving birth again.

I am so torn. I wish I could bury my head in the sand.

sorry if this is the wrong place to post. I have no one I can talk to about this in real life apart from DH who is equally torn.

I'm also 39/ will be 40 when the baby is born

I could have written your post ten years ago - same age kids, I was also just 40 when dc3 came along.
The job situation was different though - I had recently been made redundant with a healthy pay off so i took the time to be a sahm and retrain for a new career with more flexible hours.
Kids get a lot more reasonable at 7, everything is a phase and will pass (sen aside) so worrying about dc1 running off in the school run is not a big factor for whether to have a third child. You will find a way and children adapt around the logistics of this nature. And the baby years seemed to pass even more quickly with no 3.

Your (plural) capacity energy, emotional, financial and time are the things to really consider when making this decision. Take some time without 'actively deciding' to let the news settle and then have the conversations and the right path will open up.

FWIW dc1 can now pick dc3 up from school if necessary, I can happily leave them babysitting themselves and go to a movie with dh etc.

I went through this at a similar age, my two kids were then 7 & 4 and we had it easy in terms of sleep. I was living a great life, I had recently started a new job, I wasn’t planning a baby at that moment at all and DH wasn’t keen having just emerged from 5 sleep deprived years. I was on the pill. It pains me to write this but we didn’t go ahead with it, that was our (joint) choice and decision, largely influenced by me being 3 weeks into a new job after many years off with my little ones. I went for a termination really early on (6 weeks).

It was the hardest decision of my life. However I’d always thought I might have another later (I was 36 then). Anyway I then spent 3 years very unwell with an unrelated condition (possibly because of the stress, I’ll never know). My eldest also got diagnosed with an health condition (thankfully he is now ok) but I also developed endometriosis. At 40 ish I might have liked another but I felt too old and the gap with my kids too big. We didn’t have one. I think I’d have struggled anyway with the endo.

I have two absolutely wonderful, smart, healthy children. They are the light of my life but both my DH and I agree we perhaps made the wrong decision. It won’t ruin my life and that time has passed but I just wanted to share this perspective in case it is helpful. On the positive side my kids are great and we have a good life, great holidays and I’m incredibly lucky to have what I have. But I will always wonder what it might have been. I will also add that around the same time my best friend has a third, she’s managed but my god her life is hard and stressful! I saw that and I felt comfortable that there’s no way I could have handled it when I wasn’t well. And then the opportunity had passed.

Only you can make the decision 🌺 . two of my close friends have also been through this recently and not gone ahead. Many people sadly do. Another has gone through it and has gone ahead (at 41) and her child has some disabilities and that has also been incredibly hard for her and her other children. That’s why once I was better at 40 ish I didn’t have another. I didn’t want to risk what I’d already got.

I agree with the advice of letting the news settle a bit. I truly felt it wasn’t what I wanted at that time, in fact I felt so ill I just wanted it over with. It was an awful time so my heart goes out to you.

@allgrownupnow thank you, the prospect of the kids all babysitting themselves sounds very appeal and gives me some hope.thank you for your advice of taking some time to let it settle. I think I'll need to do that as I'm still in shock.

@cherrytreehouse thank you so much for replying and for your sharing your perspective 💐, I really appreciate it. I'm definitely going to let it settle and have a proper think.

I was younger than you but my third was a bit of a surprise. I didn't realise until I was 12 weeks pregnant. I don't believe in abortion for myself so continued with pregnancy. I never really noticed much of a change from having 2 to 3.

I was in a very similar position to you a few years ago OP. DH and I had talked about having a third, then I’d been told that I was unlikely to be able to conceive again. After some time, conversations and adjustment we had come to the conclusion that two was a better fit for us anyway, when I found out I was pregnant. It was a huge shock and we then had a discussion about whether we wanted to continue with the pregnancy or not. We did, and our youngest is now preschool age, and has been the perfect completion to our family. They have been our easiest baby and our older children (eldest is 6 years older, middle 3 years older) both absolutely adore their little sibling. I’m not going to pretend it’s been all sunshine and roses, but you know what you’re getting yourself into and, for my part, I’m so glad we decided to go ahead and continue with the pregnancy. Best of luck, whatever you decide to do ☺️