Why did I react this way?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

To be clear I do NOT think anyone did anything wrong here. This is me, not them.

I have a past history of SA and usually see female healthcare professionals when I have a choice.

I am currently seeing a physio due to upper back tension leading to migraines. He is very good. I have to take my top off for our sessions but it'd been fine as he is very professional, turns around whilst I get changed etc. (No changing room or screen on his premises.) It is a private practice and I was not aware he had students in.

I went to see him yesterday and there was another guy in the room. Physio said he was a student and was it okay if he watched. I honestly felt quite uncomfortable but the guy was already installed and I felt I shouldn't say no. Students have to learn etc.

We did an initial chat and the physio asked me to take my top off. I honestly just froze. I felt really awkward just taking my shirt off in front of two men. Physio saw this and sort of held up a handtowel between me and student, and said "you can get changed behind this".

But thst meant taking my top off when he was right next to me, which just felt weird. Why??? He was going to put his hands on me in a sec. But it just felt weird and the towel wasn't screening much. Also I would then be lying there with my top off and 2 blokes there and I just was not comfortable.

Eventually the student volunteered to leave and we did the rest of the session but I just could not relax and felt almost tearful after.

Why??? What is wrong with me? I am normally very direct, straightforward, comfortable saying no. And they were both fine. I just felt totally blindsided. Why? Cannot figure out my own reaction.

I think that would feel uncomfortable and intrusive for any woman and given you have experienced SA I can see why that would add an extra layer of discomfort about it.
I think your reaction was quite normal. What do you feel was not right about your reaction? Do you wish you had asked the student to leave from the start?

Women are still socially conditioned to agree to things. You’ll know to refuse another time. Someone else’s education is less important than your boundaries.

For what it’s worth, I was also abused as a child, and there are a lot of things I can’t and won’t do, and I’m entirely unapologetic about setting out my needs — I don’t do smears, I didn’t have internals or sweeps when pregnant, I had a CS, I have a GA for anything like inserting a mirena coil. I have to take diazepam before dental visits. I ask students to leave the room all the time.

Best wishes.

I wouldn't have been at all comfortable with this either OP.
Tbh I find it very unprofessional that he doesn't provide some private area for the client to change- providing some sort of screening would hardly be difficult or expensive. So I would question why he doesn't.
I think the whole situation sounded quite contrived and I don't think I would be going back.
As pp said we are conditioned to agree to things in medical and physiotherapy situations and it sounds like your physio was taking advantage of this.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong and are not wrong to feel uncomfortable. I would feel uncomfortable in this situation too.

It's completely normal to freeze as an automatic response to fear. When we suffer trauma, we can experience flashbacks which place us back in the past having the same feelings of fear and powerlessness.

You froze, possibly feeling powerless and frightened, unable to assert yourself. You can always refuse a student or anyone else in your sessions. Contact the physio and explain that you're not comfortable with other people in the room during your sessions going forward.

I think this was all on your physiotherapist.
He should have made you aware in advance that there would be a student present. To be presented with another person in what had previously been a private setting would take anyone aback for a moment.
If you will be seeing him again bring the subject of student up and give him your point of view. Maybe he previously only had male clients who had no objections when it came to their presence. Also make sure he understands the importance of making all clients feel they are in a safe space. Having a stange man imposed on the session was not the way to go. The student should have immediately left the room instead of hanging around like a spare part.
I hope your treatment is otherwise helping your migraines.

Thanks everyone. I just felt so... stupid, I guess.

I think the physio was being naive/ not thinking rather than taking advantage.

In retrospect, I think I should have said no thanks at the start. But I also feel the physio could have popped a note round his client list (we get email comms from the practice and appt reminders) saying sthg like "I will be working with X from Y University this week, please let me know in advance if you feel uncomfortable".

I have booked in with a female sports therapist at a different practice for next time. I am going to see how she is before deciding whether or not to go back.

Thanks to everyone who responded, it's reassuring to see others might also find this odd.

I have seen loads of physiotherapists and always wear a vest top over my bra. All medical professionals should ask without the student being there. Sorry it upset you, I prefer women physiotherapists because it can be such a physically close thing.

You are perfectly within your rights to say no,you would rather not have anyone else sitting in on your consultantation. I know medical students have to learn,but the medical profession also needs to realise that not everyone is comfortable with it. I had an absolute skinful of this years ago when my DD,aged 14,was undergoing a load of tests and hospital treatment. Neither of us had an objection to medical students being present,but not once were either of us asked. That was what annoyed me. When I turned up to see her at the hospital one afternoon to find her bed surrounded by about 6 students,I asked my DD after they'd left if she'd been asked. When she said no,I said to her consultant the next time I saw her that I would like to be asked in future. She seemed most put out.

GA?

Thanks both @Mellivora a vest wouldn't work as this was specifically a sports massage as opposed to regular physio and he was using lotion/ oil direct on skin. That was why it felt so exposing, as it wasn't like he was watching a medical procedure being demonstrated, he was basically sitting starting at me having a massage.