When and how did you suspect you had ADHD?

[70sShmeventies]

I’d be really interested to hear people’s stories of how and when they suspected they had ADHD, and if seeking a diagnoses helped them.

I’m 37, have had years of medication for moderate (their words) depression/anxiety, counselling but nothing ever really changes. The same old issues come back up time and time again. I can feel myself sliding into a dip again, and the same old thoughts are racing round and round my head.

Now, there has been a lot of awareness recently of undiagnosed ADHD in adults women, and many of the ‘symptoms’ align with my own challenges so I’ve been wondering if it was ADHD all along. I should add that amongst my siblings (all male) 2 out of 3 have added and/or autism.

I would really appreciate people sharing their stories of comfortable to help me
make sense of it all all and give me the confidence to move forward and change.

Should really be when and why in the title…damn that attention to detail! 🤦‍♀️

I should also say, symptoms greatly worsened after having children and being out of the workplace. I do find it very overstimulating sometimes and can’t seems to get to grips with the demands of my old
office type job anymore.

I honestly had no clue even though my son was diagnosed.

The professionals we worked with were also side eyeing me and I had an evaluation down at their recommendation.

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9 thanks for replying. I suspect my oldest son may be in the spectrum and I recognise a lot of my own behaviours in him.

Has the evaluation and diagnoses helped you?

Hi, really happy to help with any questions. I was just diagnosed last year, it took me a few years to take the plunge after thinking I might have ADHD.

I have a history or anxiety and depression, it felt like no matter how much therapy or work I put into myself, I just couldn't function like the people around me. I've always had relatively big emotions and felt different. I couldn't keep anything organised, couldn't stick to a diet, couldn't finish most projects. It always felt like I was trying so hard, especially mentally, and all I was ever doing was failing.

I then had children and all the feelings ramped up, all of a sudden I had two more people to organise and help and everything got much harder. I also just couldn't get access to any sort of therapy or help - so l had to do my own research. It was at this point, I saw something on TV that explained how ADHD can present for women. Then I went down the rabbit hole and couldn't believe how much I related to all the symptoms. I then saw the symptoms for Autism too and how Audhd presents for women and it was another moment when everything clicked into place. I have always felt like I have two personalities within me, one who needs complete order to survive and the other who is doing everything in it's power to stop that from happening. Within this I've always struggled with relationships and social interactions.

I sat on the information and researched it for a few years before going to my GP and asking for an assessment, I have had my ADHD diagnosis and on the waiting list for an assessment for Autism.

It has been absolutely life changing for me. I have such a renewed sense of self esteem and hope. It has been hard to come to terms with it all and I feel sad that I didn't know sooner - but I can finally work with my brain instead of working against it. I would always encourage people to do the research and seek out an assessment, it can make such a difference. I am starting to really appreciate the things that are great about having ADHD (for example creativity, fun and problem solving). I also appreciate how the autistic traits have helped me to balance out some of my more impulsive and chaotic tendancies. I'm learning to be kinder to myself about the things I find really hard. There is a lot more to it and many other symptoms, always happy to chat and help.

I haven’t been diagnosed but most of the traits apply to me. I hadn’t even heard that it was a big thing among adult women, but I bought a business from a woman who had been diagnosed and everything we discussed we were just like “same!!” We were so similar in so many ways, she recommended that I look into it. And the more I read, the more I’m convinced that I would be diagnosed if I could get my act together and actually go down that path. However, I’m not sure I’d want to take any more medication (I’m pretty crappy at remembering to take all the meds I already need!) so I just don’t know if it would help me to know.

I've not been diagnosed but adult DD is being assessed and she behaves remarkably like me. It also explains why my brain seems to run at maximum all the time.

2 DS with ADHD diagnosed 20 years ago as children. I was told at that time that it should be evident by age 2. It was, but they were aged nine by the time they were officially diagnosed.

@DecidedlyUndecided Thank you, I can relate to so much in your post! Underneath everything I do have really low self esteem which stems from a deep frustration with myself. But then I have moments of, almost, brilliance and I feel on top of the world so I identify with the idea of having two brains that seem to work against each other. Inevitably, I come crashing down and go see the GP and get put in anti deps again. It just doesn’t seem to be a helpful cycle at all!

@SnowflakeSmasher86 yeah I’ve been procrastinating a loooong time about getting a diagnoses. I have just this second register with a new GP who I think will be a better one to pursue a diagnoses with.

I am currently supposed to be doing some long put off work so of course I’ve started a mumsnet thread and registered with a new GP 🤦‍♀️.

20 years ago when I was a teenager. My brother had classic ‘boy traits’ of adhd, and I looked up the condition online. Realised I ticked every box of inattentive ADHD (as did our mother) and tried to tell people. Absolutely no one took it seriously, it’s was either ‘well that’s exactly how I am so it’s normal’ or ‘girls don’t get adhd, you’re just anxious/lazy/need to pull your socks up’. Didn’t matter that teachers had been tearing their hair out over my behaviour since reception, always the same story at parents evenings - ‘very clever but not present or completing work, wanders off, doesn’t seem to be listening, does things impulsively, messes with pens/objects around her rather than do the work, away with the fairies’…

Had a breakdown by the time I was 15, didn’t know why I couldn’t ‘get on with things’, every adult in my life was always angry with me. I managed to somewhat mask, scraped through university with a degree despite the freedom lifestyle leading to some poor decisions. I seem to be peri menopausal now and the adhd symptoms are even more exhausting, I’ve lost all joy and motivation in most things. Just seem to be keeping my head above water in managing day to day tasks and mentally exhausted by the end of the week. Two of my children have been diagnosed with ADHD (and autism, which is from their dad’s side of genetics). That’s the only validation as such I have that I wasn’t imagining it for all these years.

@Simplynotsimple Can relate - I was a chronic daydreamer and was told I needed a ‘rocket up my arse’ as I was so distracted at school. I managed uni because I was very into my subject but found the social side very very hard. It’s so so tiring, I too am frequently exhausted just by life when everyone else seems to glide through.

I’m glad you got validation of sorts but sorry you weren’t listened to as a child.

We had some neurodiversity training at work and for the first time it covered ADHD. I sat there thinking "but that's normal" and after reading a lot, thinking a lot, and talking it through with a slightly more experienced friend, I am now pretty sure that I have inattentive ADHD. I'm not seeking a diagnosis, but I am looking into techniques to manage it.

I'm sorry it has been so hard @70sShmeventies I can relate to the low self esteem too - when you've spent your whole life comparing yourself to neurotypical standards it can really batter you down.

I would really encourage you to get assessed, it can open up a whole world of hope for you. It will also allow you to be kinder to yourself moving forward, whilst putting past experiences in perspective. It's quite a hard space to be in, knowing that you have it but not being officially diagnosed - but it is worth the wait.

Same. I remember sitting in the session thinking, fuck, that’s me! Some of it was positive (hyper focus, creativity, ability to juggle things, ability to do big picture thinking - these have been my fuel in my career) but a lot wasn’t (impulsive behaviour, risk taking, sensisive to criticism, inability to focus on something uninteresting, not finishing things, time blindness, procrastination).

I haven’t sought a diagnosis- I am in my 50s and retired so don’t see the point, but I do see some of it in my DS and am trying to install routines as much as possible, as that was what saved me. Routines, lists, habits, are all lifesavers.

Im still a chronic daydreamer, when the children are at their dad’s house I’ll come home and literally zone out for a couple of hours. People see it as procrastination but the way I describe it is, my mind is like a four way traffic stop where all the lights are going off at the same time. My thoughts are the cars trying to rush through, no care for whose turn it is to go. Absolute chaos and completely exhausting.

Im also sorry I wasn’t listened to, it’s had a hugely negative impact on my life. I’m so angry with the adults who were in my life for not seeing how badly I was struggling, even when I had my breakdown it was seen as my fault for not trying harder, did I know how frustrating my behaviour was to everyone else? I’m so glad my children live in a time where it’s recognised for the disabling condition it is.

both DD diagnosed as adults. Them saying "you know you have it too, right mum" and me thinking "yep, and my mum"

I haven't bothered with a diagnosis because it's something i have lived with for years and it doesn't really affect my life too much. But i follow the strategies they have developed and it helps. Also recognising it in my very elderly mum helps me not get as exasperated with her as i did before.

@Brefugee I also recognise it in my own mother - impulsivity, capacity to
be overwhelmed and meltdown etc. constant talking 😂. It has made me understand her a lot more.

It’s interesting to hear people who have felt the need to seek diagnosis and those that have not. I think that for validation or proof to myself that I’m not making it all up, I do need to seek a diagnosis. That’s probably something I need to work on.

I haven't been diagnosed with adhd, but I have a diagnosis of autism. When my youngest was going through assessment for both I was filling in his questionnaires and thinking "but this is all normal, this is what I've always been like" and the penny dropped! He was diagnosed with inattentive type adhd and autism when he was 8.

A few years later I perused an autism diagnosis for myself, which has really helped me come to terms with why I can't do shit! But because I can't do shit I haven't looked into getting an adhd diagnosis, it all seems too big a job to do (and I've coped so far, except I'm not really, my life and house is in chaos) and I'm also a carer for one of my other sons who is autistic and has learning disabilities.

It dawned on me when waiting for my son's diagnosis as I did a lot of reading about it and realised the typical female presentation of ADHD tended to be the inattentive type - daydreaming, procrastinating, time blind but able to hyper focus on anything that fires the imagination/interest. (My son presented very differently and was very hyperactive especially as a younger child.)

He also has a diagnosis of ASD although very high functioning and quite gregarious/adventurous so I think that would have gone under the radar if not for his much more obvious ADHD.

I went on to get my own ADHD diagnosis in my 40s. I found it very validating to know why i am the way i am. I now take medication (only on work days and for long drives as it makes me feel a bit weird) but it hasn't really been life changing as I had learnt lots of coping mechanisms over the years. I am super-tidy (since my mid 20s) as it feels like I can only keep a grip on my inner chaos if I know where everything is, for example.

I suspect I'm also on the spectrum as I'm very socially awkward/anxious and nervous about change, although that in itself has helped damp down the ADHD urge to take spontaneous risks. I don't think a diagnosis would make any difference now.

I was very very unhappy as an adolescent and young adult as I couldn't work out why or how I didn't fit in, got stuff wrong that others did with ease. So earlier diagnosis and support might have helped with that. But on the other hand it might have allowed me to "let myself off" because I had a disability so no point trying. I've actually done well in life and a lot of what drove me was determination to prove wrong all the people who said I was useless/hopeless/ away with the fairies/would never achieve anything.

Sorry, what a lot of waffle!

I don't feel the need to go for a diagnosis because i'm approaching pensionable age, and i have strategies in place to mitigate the negative aspects of what i suspect to be my ADHD.

It has been a real eye opener though.

What is more fascinating not to mention frustrating, to me is that one of my DC went to a school where they were doing a programme in conjunction with a local uni. So for her intake (secondary) they were all "tested" for ADHD, the families filled out questionnaires etc, and the 15 "worst" (most pronounced,i guess) "cases" were put in a class with 3 teachers, and they did sport first thing, then again after 2 lessons a bit of a run-around, then in the afternoon etc etc. And after 2 years they had all learned strategies etc. The families had to sign an undertaking that they would not be medicated for ADHD during the study. They were all boys.

Turns out, of course, that several of the girls also had ADHD (DCs are still in touch with many classmates) and weren't diagnosed. Some did ok at school (good family support) some not (not entirely down to family support or lack of it)

Because, of course, 15 years ago all the testing was related to the outwardly displayed symptoms relating to boys...

I was at my eldest child's assessment and a lot of what they were saying resonated with me. The psychiatrist recommended me getting assessed myself and suddenly everything made sense. I was in my forties when I found out, I can't help but wonder how different my life could have been if I found out when I was younger.

@spuddy4 I have been thinking about how things might have been different. It’s not constructive but I find it hard not to. I think my self esteem has been damaged by not knowing, and my career choices etc may have been better if I’d understood what I needed. A better understanding of impulsivity would have helped my credit score too.

Late diagnosis for me. I actually thought it was autism and at my assessment they picked up my ADHD traits. I'm kinder to myself now and I think it has helped DP understand my behaviour better. Other than that, it's been Dr Google for support.

@JohnKettleyIsAWeathermanAndSoIsMichaelFish I’ve also suspected autism, so much to figure out!