What does dysfunctional family mean?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Just reading the thread about the families of criminals.

What does this term actually mean?

I have 3 dds, youngest is autistic and has had some mental health problems. Not currently in work or education.

We’ve had various problems over the years but have managed to maintain a fairly happy home, oldest two have graduated and are now back at home getting on with their lives and me and dh generally have good relationships with them.

However, it bothers me that dd2 (22) described family life as somewhat dysfunctional. Although she also says she had a very happy childhood and is appreciative of having good parents.

🤷‍♀️

Toxic relationship between parents. Addiction issues. Neglect. Physical or emotional abuse.

I think the younger generation have a different idea of what dysfunctional mean. I don’t think they mean it in a negative way in a sense - just that it was fully on and there was always something happening that other families don’t have - (maybe taking care of your autistic son was quite hard and chaotic at times (don’t know it’s that’s the case at all) and she associated this with dysfunction maybe because neither of her friends have experienced it. Have you asked her what she meant?

All of the above and not taking responsibility for themselves.

No I haven’t asked her, too scared to!

I think social media and Tik Tok in particular has a lot of influence here.

It is true that my youngest dd’s needs have dominated for a while but I work very hard to ensure my older two are heard.

Social media has a lot to answer for, everyone thinks everything is “dysfunctional” or “toxic” if it’s not fairytale perfect.

I read somewhere that a dysfunctional family can be one where one or more persons needs and wants etc are prioritised over those of the other family members.
But they were talking about ie a family member who always has to have their own way because otherwise they'll lose their temper or play the victim, not a child who genuinely has greater needs.
Maybe your DD is confusing the two different situations.

I would take it literally - not functioning, not working ie. not meeting the family's needs.

I suspect that your daughter means that your family isn't the average family, rather than it's not working.