Can I foster?

[TheZeppo]

I’m at a crossroads in my life.

Been a secondary school teacher for 21 years. Don’t feel old enough!

Ive quit 😳going to Australia for a few months to see my sister, but land back here just before Xmas.

I have always wanted to foster. I’ve seen the wonderful things it does. I want to foster teens. But… a) I’m scared. They go home after school, these would be here! And b) can I afford to? Does anyone make it work financially? I live alone and have a mortgage 🤷‍♀️ and cats!

Any advice welcome

Please enquire with the experts - either fostering agencies or direct with local authorities. I work in this area and there is a dire shortage of foster carers🙏

Which is best @Eileen101? Local authority or private companies? For the kids, support? Thank you!

I am not sure if I am reading your first question properly or if there is a typo.

Look for local authority open event as they will be desperate for people especially teens.

Watch this if you can only 30 mins 💗

Foster care agencies should run information sessions. That's probably the best place for you to start.

I would suggest local authority, they have a shortage of foster carers and are always looking for more.

I’d love to know what day to day fostering is like? Has anyone gone from
living alone to looking after a teen?

Put this in a different forum (not chat) is there one on fostering? You’d probably get some really helpful insight

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/fostering

I can't do links at the moment but Google 'the secret foster carer blog'. It's like a diary, and it goes back years. It'll give you a good idea of what to expect.

I foster through an agency called FCA. The training is good. Agencies tend to get the more difficult DC. LA will place DC with their own carers but sometimes none of their carers want to take a DC with particularly difficult needs. Also some DC can only be single placements because of their past experience or their behaviour. Fostering pays a whole lot less than teaching OP. You get an allowance and a lot of that is spent on the dc. I was a teacher for over 20 years and retired early at 57 but I had already been a FC for many years before that. You'd have to go through quite an intrusive assessment process that will take months rather than weeks. You might make the finances work if you tutored a lot and fostered.

My friend fosters a teen long term, he's now 16, been with her 4 years. He's her second placement. He has mild learning disabilities probably due to FAS, born in a very chaotic home.

She fosters via the local authority and gets extra money due to the dc being a teen and additional needs, she works pt as a tutor to homeschooled kids whilst he's at school

Also consider Shared lives. In its simplest terms it's fostering but for adults.
Great tax exemptions like fostering but as you're caring for adults you could care for pretty independent individuals. A lot of people have learning disabilities but could be older adults, adults with health needs etc.
Worth a look.

Thank you so much, you’re all amazing

You are better off enquiring through LA.
They will advise you.
with LA they always place priority with their own carers first so you are more likely to get placements.
I’ve experience of other agencies foster carers waiting for children to be placed.
They can also put you in touch with other foster carers to find out more and often they are at their recruitment open days.

@TheZeppo

I'm a foster carer for older primary/teens. Being practical, fostering does not pay well, particularly when you take into account no pension or sick pay.
Agencies and LAs have different pay structures and rates. I'm with an LA that pays very well for my age group. I get a fostering payment ( my 'pay') and a separate amount for the young person.
However, I can only really make it work financially because I have no mortgage. Obviously the more children you have, the more income. I know some amazing foster carers who have multiple children and I'm constantly amazed at how they cope. I have one and that's enough for me.
You also need to take into account that unless you are with an agency that pays a retainer, if you have no child in place you have no income. I had a gap of 4 months last year, and it was very tough. I had to claim UC in the end.
Personally I think if you are single and have no children of your own, going from living alone to living with a teenager will be a big ask.
I have an adoptive son but before he came home I had lodgers. I waited until he was 18 before I looked into fostering. So I was used to sharing my space.

I think its hard to describe what day to day life is like. Some FCs I know have young people who are doing OK and present no more problems than your average teen.
This hasn't been my experience. For reasons of confidentiality I can't say too much of course. My first young person was 12 and attended an SEMH school. He was with me for 11 months, in that time he had 3 exclusions and I had a phone call pretty much every day from school about his behaviour. We had huge issues with disregulation, his trauma and contact with his family. I had to end the placement because of increasing levels of aggression and violence. It's very sad, underneath it all was a little boy who was hurting badly, he is a charmer with bags of personality. We had some lovely holidays and days out together but in the end it was just too much risk.
My current young person is 11 and did attend the same SEMH school. However he has been out of school since September and the impact on my life has been huge. He obviously can't be left unsupervised so I've had next to no life since then. I have some support in place now but it's still very challenging. He's absconded 4 times resulting in full on, city wide police searches. He runs off from me frequently when we are out. Again underneath it all is a frightened, traumatised little boy. And again he has bags of personality and is very bright and inquisitive but I see his future slipping away already because our children's mental health services are abysmal. His level of aggression towards me is increasing and he won't be able to stay with me.
Is it what I thought it was going to be?
Well I didn't expect an easy ride, but nor did I expect two such challenging children in the space of 18 months.
When this one moves I'll give myself a couple of months off. Ive taken a pension early which covers my basic living costs so can afford to take the time.
I'll give teenagers one more go and if it doesn't work out I may review the age group I'm taking or just do respite and emergencies.
I don't regret doing it, but fostering teens is probably the most challenging age group.
I'd ask for this to be moved to the fostering board where you might get a wider range of views and experiences

@Ted27 I don’t know where to start, this response is so personal and useful!

You are clearly an amazing person with a lot of experience. I’ll read it thoroughly tomorrow and consider everything.