How can I come to terms with being alone? (kind of)

[Tanyaaah]

So I'm divorced with kids. Always imagined, I think, that I would just start again, find someone else and be a family again. I didn't really think it through.

Obviously the marriage had to end because we were not happy but its so much harder alone. As soon as something goes wrong there is no backup plan or support. One child was ill in the night and I couldn't go out for calpol because the other was sleeping, no one nearby had any, it was really awful dealing with a crying child with an ear infection. It did get sorted eventually but sooo much more stressful than saying, "I'll just drive to the all night chemist while you stay here". My car broke down so we were stranded and I couldn't get my daughter to training. Ruined the evening and next morning.

All my friends have husbands with very well paid jobs and they can book holidays and concerts without even thinking about it.

I have a boyfriend and he is lovely but I am just so sad and can't seem to get over it, that my chance to live in a family unit has gone and that's it. Its not just the practical part its the whole idea of it and the fact that my kids wont have the nice memories I have. I think I am also a bit jealous of my well off friends even though I don't want their jobs, husbands, house or kids.
I don't know how to feel better about all this. It seems very 1st world problems.

You need to learn to be more self sufficient. Calpol get ubereats, just eat etc. Car breaks down get a taxi.

Yes but we will not be living together as a family.

I know. I actually tried uber eats, deliveroo etc but no where would deliver at that time.
I know I'm being pathetic. Thanks

Sounds to me like you might be a bit depressed- see if you can get some counselling help.
Do you feel you got a fair deal with the divorce/ maintenance and access to the kids ?
At least you had a partner that helped when you were together- many don’t

Then you need to be more organised and always have calpol in. Come on your a grown woman your more then capable of caring and providing for your children iv been doing this since I had my first at 15. You can't be just like oh cant do this so give up. Most things have very simple solutions and you don't need a man to figure them out for you

When you live alone like this, with kids, and no-one to depend on then you need to be organised. I have always got medication in, not just for my kids, and for us, but for our dogs too. You never know when you will need them. Just prepare yourself for all eventualities and emergencies and it will help you stop feeling so helpless and frustrated when things crop up unexpectedly.

OP I get you but think you need to separate the practical stuff from the other feelings.

Firstly practical, do you have a network of friends nearby? If not, focus on this so that you can offer reciprocal help and support in an emergency. Prepare as much as you can - keep medicines stocked up etc.
Have numbers for emergency plumbers, etc etc.

Try to look at the positives. A harmonious home. Over time you'll get more resourceful and you will do amazing things with your kids which they will appreciate. You can spend proper focused time with them and hopefully you will have a really strong bond with them. As they get older try to foster a sense of being a team. It will get better.

I think the responses are very strange. I think you are entitled to feel sad and single parenting is by no means a first world problem!

Nobody is saying she can't be sad but she has 2 children and has to pull herself together. 1 child went without medicine and the other missed their activity both of these situations could of been solved very easily, but instead op gave up at the first hurdle and her children suffered. It may seem harsh but it's the realities of being an parent.

Certainly she does need to get more organised. Stock up on Calpol. But I don't think it's pathetic.

I think what you've said is understandable.

Does your ex see the DC regularly and/or take them overnight?

Life isn't a fairytale, is it? It wasn't when you were married, either, otherwise you wouldn't be divorced!

Being a single parent is tough. You have to be extra organised and resourceful. I don't know how long you've been divorced for - maybe not that long if you're feeling like this? It's a learning curve, I'm sure you'll know now to be fully stocked on medicines and have thought about how you could have handled the car situation differently in future.

Let go of the fairytales and take the lessons.

I think peeps are being harsh to you OP.
I'm divorced and have found I miss not being part of a family at certain times like Christmas etc.

It takes a long time to adjust and you will make mistakes. I'm still making them...

You're not alone in your thinking. Now that Mumsnetters have participated, you can stock up on medical essentials and such like things.

All the best ☘️☘️☘️

Yes to being more organised. Also yes to it’s ok to grieve the loss of the idea of a life you thought you would have. Maybe set aside time for that, write in a journal or whatever works for you. But then you do need to put those feelings aside and build a life that works in your actual circumstances.

I think you might need a friend or two in a similar situation to yours. For support and understanding. Seek out other single parents. Also make friends with your neighbours. A neighbour could always watch the kids for half an hour while you pop out for Calpol or something.

I suppose you come to terms with it by accepting life the way it is, rather than a preconceived idea of a good/bad life or childhood.

It's okay to admit that you aren't finding it easy, but if you are talking about practicalities, then it's a case of trying to learn from your difficulties to make things easier for a future time.

Your children are living their life now, with you. You are doing the best you can.

Alone? I don’t really regard someone with children and a boyfriend as alone?

and surely you could have left your 14/15 year old DD to get calpol?!