Why resent your friends receiving more money than you?

[YourPoisedFinch]

e.g. at my workplace, some people can buy houses already for various reasons... inheritances, parents' help, lotteries. but others who can't feel resentful of it instead of being happy for them.

I think it is perfectly normal to be envious of people who receive help from family or external sources to get onto the property ladder. Life is tough for so many.

I think you are a poster who posts about this repeatedly - along with your disappointment that your career choices are not working for you.

If you are, it is because you have previously said that you have said repeatedly to your colleagues that you had a huge amount of financial help and that you're very wealthy, and that you expect your colleagues to look up to you as a result. I

It doesn't work like that.

Don't discuss such things at work. Why does a work colleague need to know how somebody may be paying for a house, or whatever.

Envy is totally normal. I’m sure you’ve posted about this many times - because the poster who does always mentions people at work being envious and that poster is a tireless bore.

Enjoy your own fortune and/or privilege but stop expecting people to pat you on the back for it. Especially colleagues. They're not your friends

Honestly I think the phrase 'comparison is the thief of joy' is so true. I try very hard not to fall into the trap of doing it. In reality, most people have challenges and struggles regardless of how 'fortunate' they are in other areas such as wealth. I try not to assume someone has it better than me just because they outwardly appear to.

OP I'm sure previous threads have had you being the resentful one (with obsessing over how people afford certain lifestyles) so surely you can understand why people feel that way!

Personally I try not to judge or feel resentful. I quite like my colleagues/friends, and genuinely feel excited they can go to this concert, or buy that house, regardless of how. Everyone's dealt different hands in life - I haven't had a penny of family help, and have benefitted from 'luck' in terms of working my butt off and knocking on doors/strategic job hunting that has put me in a wonderful and well-paid role. Life is plenty hard enough, I just don't have it in me to resent those who have it easier. Mainly because plenty of people also have it harder! Anyone, no matter what the circumstances, can feel hard done by. You could be a millionaire and still jealous of your neighbour with a slightly newer jet! Being content with your circumstances is (imo) something that needs practising and gratitude journalling etc can really help.

I envy the people that can eat anything and not put weight on.
I have a cup cake it adds 3lb to me somehow.

then why do people tell me off for expressing envy re a peer's success?

No it’s not - envy is not normal and it’s destructive. Your life and circumstances are yours, other people’s is theirs and nothing to do with you. Concentrate on your own life and be happy for others’ good fortune

Don't very jealous of others. Concentrate on your own life.

Honestly, don't engage in conversations about it. If people start talking about the things that make you jealous, just switch off.

It's not as simple as saying "don't be jealous" - when I see people being helped onto the property ladder and given a leg up into various careers, of course it rankles - I had absolutely nothing, got a brief taste of financial security through teaching and then lost it due to serious illness; I'm absolutely envious of people with easier lives (because let's face it, they are) and nothing's going to stop that, but I just disengage from any kind of conversation about it.

@YourPoisedFinch but what does envy do? If you express it, it puts a dampener on someone's feelings and damages your relationship with them (which is especially bad at work as you can't just ignore them/never see them again), and it makes you feel like shit. Everyone feels passing envy from time to time as mentioned upthread - from wanting to eat a cupcake and not gain weight, to wanting someone's family wealth/connections, to wishing you were as fit as them! So your options are a) try not to think about it, and focus on the positives in your life, or b) obsess about it and make your own mental health spiral. Being envious never got anyone anywhere good, especially not voicing the envy!

Regarding envy of other people's careers you seem envious about where they are but probably forgetting the journey they took to get there. That then dovetails nicely into inheritance. You probably have little idea of what had to happen to create that inheritance and the impact it might have had on the family. By the time I was the age of my oldest (so 13) I had moved more than 5 times across the country because of my fathers career. That's five different schools. 5 different sets of friends. 5 different times of having to fit. There wasn't consideration of myself or my siblings - Dad's career was the focus and that was it. And then regarding his work - his company had offices in about 50 different countries. No zoom in those days. Just not there. Of course the advantage is that comfort zones in our family and the way we were brought up just doesn't come into it. Strive, stretch and go beyond. That's why there's money.

Of course envy is a normal emotion, otherwise it would not exist. The problem is when a person allows, what is envy, to become destructive, and intrusive in their own life.