I saw my ex after 2.5 years.. confused by reaction

[IndifferentMostly]

Putting this in chat because it's not that deep really and didn't seem worthy of a relationships board or anything. But this is the first time this has happened to me and trying to make sense of how I'm feeling!

For background: My ex and I broke up two and a half years ago and I've not seen him since until just a few days ago. We live in the same area but thankfully didn't have merged strong friendships etc (only via where we both worked which we have both since moved on from). Breakup was rather traumatic and destroyed me at the time, thought I'd never get over it. Have since moved on and totally happy.

So I ran into him totally unexpected in probably one of the last places I'd expect to. I feel two things and for some reason it's now whirring in my mind when I'd rather forget it all. Especially as there's high chance we will run into each other at that same place as it's somewhere you tend to go often.

1. Firstly I was just totally shocked and for some reason my legs were shaking a bit internally. I don't understand why I had such a tense reaction, I guess more surprise and discomfort than anything. Is this a normal response? My ex prior to this one emigrated so it's never happened to me ever before and was the weirdest thing.

1. I felt quite repulsed by him physically when he looks exactly the same as when we dated. This has also confused the hell out of me as I obviously thought he was attractive on some level back then to feel as besotted as I did. It honestly gave me the ick to think I was able to see him in that way and has confused me too - what the hell was I thinking back then?!

So yeah it's thrown me through a loop by the sheer unexpectedness especially after so long I just kind of assumed I'd not see him again! We didn't talk obviously, I actively avoided him. But it's left me feeling stressed at the thought of running into him or being in close proximity to him at a place I visit multiple times a week!

I'd love to hear others experiences of this, and also any tips how to navigate possibly another encounter..

Thanks!

Gosh that sounds like a massive reaction to seeing an ex from 2.5 years ago!

Have you got someone else? That might help.

Yeah I said that in my post, I am in a happy relationship and in no way interested in him - more shocked that I ever was.

Just don't understand why I felt quite stressed and anxious I suppose. Just made me uncomfortable and not keen on it happening again really. It's a space he would know I go to and would never expect him to appear there.

He was also the one and only person to properly break my heart so I am not sure if that's why I had that reaction. But yeah I'm totally perplexed especially when in the light of day I'm like WTF he's not attractive at all

i can totally relate. I unfortunately sometimes see my ex due to shared child. The relationship was abusive in my case though so I figured that was reason I find seeing him stressful and repulsive.

Thank you for this! I think ours was very toxic and had a bit of an unhealthy dynamic so I'm also wondering if that's why I had the reaction I did.

Felt a bit like him rocking up in my personal space where he knew was a big part of my life. So bizarre. But I'm genuinely perplexed how I could have felt so strongly about someone that after distance and emotion is removed I basically felt quite repulsed by!

It is bizarre isn't it ? To think that at one time this person meant everything to you and now he is just someone you used to know 😕. Especially if you were heartbroken at the time . I too met my ex after 3 years and I actually spoke to him . Pleasant enough and I came away thinking how I spent weeks crying about him and now just a polite exchange with no emotion.

I get it, I work in retail and I had to serve an ex from 10 plus years ago recently. For some reason I went bright red and my hands were really shaking, I felt like a complete twat.
I don't think it means anything though, just embarrassment that you feel put on the spot. I wouldn't overthink it.

Did you speak or acknowledge each other?

Thank you. I think you're right.. it wasn't really a super public space so was definitely unexpected. That's exactly what I did, it wasn't obvious to anyone but I did feel very silly. Especially as I had such a negative physical reaction as well, would have made a lot more sense if I had a positive reaction to what he looked like instead of massive ick 😅

I guess I'm just overthinking this as it's never happened to me before. and I stayed friends with my previous ex so although he relocated it wouldn't be weird to see him as we still exchange the odd message from time to time

It has made me realise that everything happens for a reason though as my life is in a far better place now than it was back then

No, it didn't end well. I had no desire to speak to him at all. Luckily I wasn't alone and was busy with something so keeping my distance was easy enough.

I think it was probably anxiety. You associate him with a very painful time in your life. You’d probably feel exactly the same if you saw your childhood bully or someone who made your work life unbearable. It’s not him, per se. It’s your body’s way of reminding you that he’s a massive dickhead and not to be friendly with him.

The best way of making sure you won’t see him again is to prepare yourself with something to say in case he approaches you. The second you prepare yourself, it’s Sod’s Law that you’ll never need to use it. Personally, I’d do a bit of a tight lipped smile, say hi, and not even slow down. He’s not your friend, you don’t owe him a conversation.

You are so right, definitely anxiety but that makes sense it's like I associate him with trauma and drama and caught me off guard. I am perfectly happy in my life right now and back then was quite a wobbly time for me, so I think you've hit the nail on the head.

And that's great advice thank you. Chances of another run in are high given that we both seem to have a membership to the same place now so that's really helpful. And hopefully yes, I'll never have to use it!