Not coping with new baby

[fedup2471]

Hello

Please please don't judge me I'm really sad as it is. I just need womanly support or advice

I have 2 teen girls from a previous very young relationship who are my best friends and we are so close.

I have a 6 year old boy and a 10 week old boy.

My partner is fairly supportive. He's very hands on with nappies and bottles etc. he doesn't do night feeds that's all on me which is fine now as baby sleeps well finally.
I breast feed mostly but do express so partner can feed etc.

Before new baby me and my 6 year old boy were so so close (still are) honestly did everything together. He's a real mummies boy.
He loves his new brother but I know he misses the calm with no baby screaming and having me to himself too.
I feel so guilty for having another baby. I'm beating myself up so much.

I feel like an awful mum because I'm having to share myself more now. However I adore my new baby he's amazing.

I just feel sad all the time. Is it postnatal depression? I'm already on anti depressants for general anxiety have been for years.

I look at my partner and just don't like him if I'm honest. I feel flat. Really flat.
I feel happier when I'm alone with the kids. It's weird in my own bubble.

My family never visit. I wish my mum did.
She lives 40 min drive from me and she never spends any time with us. I've asked her to and told her I'd love to but she just doesn't.
My friends who have recently had babies have supportive mums and families and baby sitters and I feel Jelous. I don't want to go out and party no way just want more love and support for me. Not for the baby. For me.

Am I even making sense.
I'm just so so lonely.

I mainly miss time with my 6 year old. Watching a film without baby crying. Cuddling without baby crying. All of it. Did anyone else feel this way?

I need woman support. My partner doesn't get that.
I hate my postnatal body. Hate it. Just feel I'm not enjoying anything
I'm just sad. Sad. Sad.

Life's just so busy. I don't get chance to think.
My teenage girls are amazing and help in the house eldest is 16 so...

I know I sound like a shit mum xxx

You absolutely don't sound like a shit mum, but it does sound like you're potentially depressed (I speak from recent experience). For me, a huge part of it was having a very frank conversation with my husband about how he NEEDED to help. Have you done this? I also needed to get help from the doctor, which took a little longer to pluck up the courage for.

Could your partner take the baby, even if only for an hour, so you can have some quality time with your son?

You sound like a lovely caring mum who adores all her children

You also sound a little bit depressed

I think it would be a good idea to talk to your GP about how you're feeling

I think looking into PND is a good idea.

But - you need to talk to your husband. Both of you need to have 121 time with your 6 year old and you also have to have time with your teens.

As you said your DH is helping with feeds, so you could take our 6 year old for a trip to the cinema, swimming, cafe with cake etc and he does something with the baby. Or swap and your DS has a daddy day.

Similar, he should be able to do a day/couple of hours with both younger ones and you go out with the teens.

You’re definitely not a shit mum so please don’t be too hard on yourself. I think you should speak to your health visitor and see if she could refer you to the perinatal mental health team for help during this post natal phase. Your hormones will be playing a huge part in how you are feeling. My DS is now 5 months old and I have a 5yo too I totally get what you mean about missing time with just them. Could your DH take the baby for a few hours to allow you to spend some one on one time with your 6yo?