Will this affect my dc? How to explain to them about being NC with family?

[NCfamily]

I am NC with my entire family. Dh has a very small family due to circumstances so we rarely if ever see them.

Our dc have been learning about families at school, from books, from friends and are asking so many questions about their family and why they don’t have grandparents aunties cousins etc etc . I don’t know how to explain ? They are 6 and 8

Keep it simple - just tell them you're not in touch with your family because they're not very kind, and you don't see Dad's family much because they live far away.

It seems so much easier with dh family as we can have phone calls and I’ve said they live abroad but with my family they keep asking and I’m worried how much they will
keep asking and it’s a very difficult subject. It makes me feel so anxious and then I also feel guilty they don’t have the same extended family setups as their friends

I'm nc with my family and my dcs dad hasn't seen them in years so they only really have me. There are books about all kinds of families though so might be worth finding one or two that are about smaller families.

I told my kids my family wasn't very kind so I don't talk to them, and gave more details in an age appropriate way as they grew up.

They have been fine with it.

We're in this situation and I've been unsure about how to handle questions, so I'm following with interest.

I’ve done what @Nix32 said. I’ve had a bit of contact with my mum lately so my 11yr old has met her, and typically she’s acted out and he’s seen how argumentative and childish she is.

You need to look after yourself and process the grief you feel. That’s priority, more than worrying about your kids’ situation, because how much you’ve been able to come to terms with it will influence whether you pass the anxiety etc onto your children.

It’s not healthy to live your life feeling guilty and comparing your situation to others. Your children deserve for you to be present with how things actually are for them (probably not that bad!) rather than how much you fear from the past.

My children know that my mum wasn't very kind to me or my sister and that's why I don't talk to her. They have had some questions ("Why? What did she say?") and I've kept it quite neutral with "She didn't say nice things" type replies. The interest was short lived and it rarely comes up now (they are 5 and 8).

I think I just need to think of a way to phrase it to them appropriate for their age . Like someone suggested saying they haven’t been kind. I’m just anxious for more questioning as that makes me very stressed as then I’ll think about all the reasons . I think as well they have this idea that grandparents especially are these wonderful people and I’ll be saying the opposite about theirs .

It’s worth digging into why you feel anxious and stressed about it and processing that. What are you worried about? (That’s a genuine question, not rhetorical! Ask yourself - it’s important).

I'm in the same situation as you down to my husbands parents living abroad. My kids are 11 and 8 and I've said that due to unkind and abusive behaviour from my family we no longer see them as it's unhealthy. I do use the word "abusive" but don't go into any detailed specifics. I use it as an opportunity to teach them about friendships that they have so, for example, if a friend was mean to them I will ask them if that is how a friend should treat you, I will teach them how to approach the situation but I always emphasise that if a friend treats you badly, repeatedly, you step back. I use my own personal situation with my family as an example. I tell them that no one, especially family, should be cruel, nasty and disrespectful towards you. They seem happy with this explanation as they can relate to it. Be kind to yourself because this journey you're on is very difficult (as you know) but try and see the positives that your kids are gaining by you removing them from generational disfunction, it's a gift you're giving them.

Because I’ve blocked out the reasons (childhood abuse) and to be asked about them just makes me think about them and all that happened.

Op my reasons for going nc are the same, horrific abuse.

I found that I really struggled when my kids got to various ages where certain things happened to me.

It's not so easy to block things out when you have dc though.

Now my oldest is 24 and I can talk openly about things, but it hasn't been an easy road.

For your dcs sake you'll need to find a way to talk about things at some point. You may even find it healing for yourself when you realise that you're being the parent that you should have had.

Op I wouldn't worry to much because children adapt and just kmow what they know ie if they saw gp once a year or never that's just what it is.

This.