Uni mums! Please tell me it gets easier

[Friestogo]

My DD is a first year uni student and has been home for the second time since she left in September for reading week (also came home for Christmas, and I have visited her a few times) Her dad has just set off to take her back and I am currently having a proper sob. 😥I have loved having her home, back in her room and its been great spending time with her. I thought I would be okay this time with her going again but I have surprised myself with feeling just awful.

Will this ever feel easier? Will I ever get used to that awful feeling of separation? I will be fine and I know I will just get on with things and be used to her not being here again but that initial 'leaving' will it ever feel less like having my heart ripped out? At the moment its great having her home but so painful when she initially leaves again.

Hi there,
I'm not a uni mum myself, so not sure if I can be of any help, but I’ll try. I’m sorry to hear that you’re finding it so hard right now; that sounds very tough.

I know someone who faced a similar situation, and their GP mentioned it could be ‘empty nest syndrome.’ This mum bought a book on the topic and found that helpful. Over time she found it easier to cope—around 12 to 18 months later, she felt much more in control than at first.

One thing that might be useful is reframing some of those negative thoughts. Instead of thinking, "I'm so sad, I miss my daughter so much. I wish she never went to uni," could you try reframing it to something like, "It's completely normal to feel sad that my daughter has left, but that's okay, and it will get easier with time. While I miss her being around, it’s actually a testament to the great job I’ve done as a mum—she’s becoming a well-rounded, independent adult, and that shows my hard work has really paid off".
It's perfectly okay to have a good cry and acknowledge that sadness for a bit, but try not to stay in that space for too long. Maybe you can shift your focus to other areas like work, home improvements, catching up with friends more often, or even picking up a new hobby or exercise class. I think focusing your energy on yourself a bit more could help.
Hope things get easier for you.

I never had this to be honest but I know empty nest syndrome is a thing. Is she your only child or youngest? Mine is in her second year now, she's only stayed home one night since Christmas but I speak to her basically the whole day via Snapchat messages (her preferred way of communication) and calls etc so although she's not physically here the level of communication is still the same as if she was.