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Original poster

Been thinking about this incident when I was younger

18 replies

MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 08:25

When I was about 23 I was on a mums forum, I posted a lot as I didn't have any RL mum friends. Since been diagnosed AuHD and I struggle with socialising.

I'd agreed to meet up with a group of mums locally. I had 2 children under 2 and didn't drive so I had to get the bus and didn't live in a great area. I had high anxiety issues, probably related to post partum.

Anyway there was a guy at the busstop who started talking to me. Being pushy with wanting info etc and just being a bit of a creep.

I text one of the mums to say I was on the way and that there was a bit of a weirdo at the bus stop.

Anyways I get to the place and I can't find the group. It's at a soft play place in a shopping centre. So no room for error.

I text one of the mums and say I'm here and she says they're stood outside the softplay

I am outside the softplay and can't see them. I even go half into the place looking for them.

It's not busy. There's barely anyone around, never mind a group of mums so it's not like I missed them in a crowd.

I text again and no reply.

I'm really anxious/upset by this point and I go home.

When I get home I post on the forum about what happened and they all say they were there and it's a shame I missed them etc...

I then later get an anonymous email of a group chat with them all slagging me off saying that I lied about the whole thing.
That I never went in the first place. The post was just for attention.
Why so I always get bothered by weirdos at bustops.
Talking about my husbands low wage job and things I gad talked about buying for the kids (a new double pram)

That the whole journey was all fantasy because I didn't want to go but I have to have attention etc...

I did go.

I've spent years just being confused by it :(

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 09/03/2025 08:29

I’m really sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t fair, and injustice can rankle for years.

You know the truth, and these women are no loss to you. They don’t sound kind.

I once heard, “I’m happy to be the bad guy in your story if it brings me peace” and it’s really helped me deal with some unfair treatment. I hope it helps you, too.

Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 08:33

Thankyou for that.
It just still confuses me, they obviously weren't nice women. I was much younger than them and in a different demographic.

But it's the fact that I couldn't find them.
We're they the ones lying about going? Did they fake a meet up and let me go along alone?
But in the group chat it seemed like they were there, but why couldn't I see any of them?

OP posts:
Chunkilumptious · 09/03/2025 08:40

It's very strange and not ok but could there have been a mix up that seemed to fit an ongoing pattern of odd behaviour? So you didn't turn up because there are two soft plays at the shopping centre? Not to second guess you but is there any chance you made a mistake and they've run away with that in an unpleasant way?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 08:45

Chunkilumptious · 09/03/2025 08:40

It's very strange and not ok but could there have been a mix up that seemed to fit an ongoing pattern of odd behaviour? So you didn't turn up because there are two soft plays at the shopping centre? Not to second guess you but is there any chance you made a mistake and they've run away with that in an unpleasant way?

No, its a big shopping centre but only one soft play with a very specific name.

I stupidly just looked up the old emails and there's a lot of accusations of me being a fake person (car fish) despite me meeting several of them one to one with my kids :(

That was the last attempt I had at friendship group.

It's been about 18 years now and not had friends since because it traumatised me to be honest.

A lot of it is to do with my AuHD but that was the last time I put myself out there. The rejection was too much.

OP posts:
Olive567 · 09/03/2025 09:01

Do you think the group as a whole were playing a game with you and lying about there being a softplay date? It sounds like it. It's really nasty of them if so - it reminds me of the sort of thing one particular girl group at school could do.

Devonshiregal · 09/03/2025 09:38

Were they actually women? Not teenagers doing a cruel prank? If people choose to be mean it’s them not you. Lots of people are horrid but some aren’t. Don’t shut off from the world because of the bad ones.

Vestigially · 09/03/2025 09:46

Tbh, I think it’s more concerning you’re still brooding about this eighteen years on, OP. There was a mix-up about which soft play it was, or they changed venues and didn’t communicate that because they don’t seem to have been particularly fond of you, or thoughtful people, then decided, or pretended to decide you were fantasising the whole outing because it made them feel bad. Did you not phone the woman you’d previously texted to say you were on your way, though, so you could say ‘Where are you? I’m at soft play X?’

Reugny · 09/03/2025 09:48

I text one of the mums and say I'm here and she says they're stood outside the softplay

Did she give you a landmark?

As I suspect they could have been outside the soft play entrance gates but actually inside the soft play area.

Any way don't waste your time thinking about them.

PermanentTemporary · 09/03/2025 09:52

What a horrible thing to happen to you. They sound awful. So does the creep at the bus stop.

It's concerning that you've avoided making any friends since, though understandable. I hope perhaps there are people in your life who you have uncomplicated connections with, even if you wouldn't see them as friends.

Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 10:05

Reugny · 09/03/2025 09:48

I text one of the mums and say I'm here and she says they're stood outside the softplay

Did she give you a landmark?

As I suspect they could have been outside the soft play entrance gates but actually inside the soft play area.

Any way don't waste your time thinking about them.

It's inside a shopping centre. There was only one entrance.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 10:07

PermanentTemporary · 09/03/2025 09:52

What a horrible thing to happen to you. They sound awful. So does the creep at the bus stop.

It's concerning that you've avoided making any friends since, though understandable. I hope perhaps there are people in your life who you have uncomplicated connections with, even if you wouldn't see them as friends.

I always struggled, even before that. I couldn't deal with drama or arguments or the expectations of friendship.
But that experience was the nail in the coffin for me trying. What I got out of trying to socialise just didn't make up for what I dealt with emotionally.

I just didn't try again. And I've been OK with that.

OP posts:
NameChangedOfc · 09/03/2025 10:20

Could you have been catfished? Are you sure they were real women behind all of the profiles? Seems like a very odd coincidence that you met that creep on the bus just that day.

(Or it could be that I just read too many crime novels...)

It is indeed significant that it has such an impact 18 years later: it may be you've projected onto that particular incident what you percieve to be your social "failures". Or it may be that there's something important that you need to come to terms with? Has something specific prompted you to think/post about it now?

Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 10:23

NameChangedOfc · 09/03/2025 10:20

Could you have been catfished? Are you sure they were real women behind all of the profiles? Seems like a very odd coincidence that you met that creep on the bus just that day.

(Or it could be that I just read too many crime novels...)

It is indeed significant that it has such an impact 18 years later: it may be you've projected onto that particular incident what you percieve to be your social "failures". Or it may be that there's something important that you need to come to terms with? Has something specific prompted you to think/post about it now?

Yes I met quite a few of them, they were real.

30+ women in professional jobs etc.
I was a young girl and a different demographic, I thinknthat played a part.

I posted about it as I saw another thread about being rejected from a mums group.

OP posts:
Vestigially · 09/03/2025 10:51

Oh, hang on, I didn’t realise you’d never actually met these women, the meeting was arranged on a forum! (But how then did they know anything about your husband’s wages?)

To be honest, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought, other than thinking it was a mildly unpleasant thing at the time (which I get can feel huge if you’ve managed to get two babies dressed and out of the house and were feeling low).

I certainly wouldn’t have let it affect my attitude to friendships. You’d never met these women. They didn’t know you. They weren’t your friends. What happened was that a bunch of total strangers stood you up, or changed the venue without informing you, and were mean about it among themselves afterwards.

Not nice at all when you’re feeling vulnerable, but not a betrayal by actual friends. More along the lines of arranging to be in for a tradesman or delivery, them not turning up and swearing blind they’d rung the doorbell several times.

Vestigially · 09/03/2025 10:52

MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 10:23

Yes I met quite a few of them, they were real.

30+ women in professional jobs etc.
I was a young girl and a different demographic, I thinknthat played a part.

I posted about it as I saw another thread about being rejected from a mums group.

Show quote history

You’d met them before the soft-play incident? Or later on?

Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 11:06

Vestigially · 09/03/2025 10:52

You’d met them before the soft-play incident? Or later on?

Show quote history

Before!

OP posts:
Original poster
MiffyBunn · 09/03/2025 11:09

Vestigially · 09/03/2025 10:51

Oh, hang on, I didn’t realise you’d never actually met these women, the meeting was arranged on a forum! (But how then did they know anything about your husband’s wages?)

To be honest, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought, other than thinking it was a mildly unpleasant thing at the time (which I get can feel huge if you’ve managed to get two babies dressed and out of the house and were feeling low).

I certainly wouldn’t have let it affect my attitude to friendships. You’d never met these women. They didn’t know you. They weren’t your friends. What happened was that a bunch of total strangers stood you up, or changed the venue without informing you, and were mean about it among themselves afterwards.

Not nice at all when you’re feeling vulnerable, but not a betrayal by actual friends. More along the lines of arranging to be in for a tradesman or delivery, them not turning up and swearing blind they’d rung the doorbell several times.

No I'd met them before.

I joined the forum as I had no mum friends and then met a few of them individually after posting for months. They knew about finances as in conversations I'd said my husband worked in a warehouse, normal stacking job which they rightly deduced was minimum wage.

I was then invited to a group meet up.

OP posts:
MrsToddsShortcut · 09/03/2025 11:48

I'm so sorry. It sounds horrible. I'm AuDHD and there is something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria that can affect people with ADHD - I think it's worth you looking it up as it can really affect those with ADHD and the feelings are very real.

https://www.additudemag.com/download/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-treatment-symptoms/

I'd also suggest - if you want - finding a good therapist who understands Autism so that, if you think it would help, you can start to process your feelings about your life - it isn't easy navigating the world as an AuDHD woman but it can also be wonderful.

There are also good good people out there who will treasure your friendship just for who you are; I promise.

Almost all of my friends have turned out to be autistic as we seem to find each other with some sort of bat sonar, but it might be worth looking for groups or organisations in your area that support autistic adults/women. Maybe try your local NAS branch as they might have info about things/places/people you can meet?

I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience with such careless, hurtful people - you deserve a full life where you thrive and feel loved and valued and it's possible to build true friendship into that - I promise. I hope with all my heart, you can start to heal. FlowersFlowersFlowers

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