Name changing for this as its outing. I’m feeling very sorry for myself this evening. Life is really crap, my ds 12 is suffering with depression it’s almost a year now. He’s gone from been out all the time with friends or playing sport to never leaving the house. He rarely goes to school and has talked about ending his life, he’s told me I’m the reason he’s still alive. He’s on medication but won’t go to any counselling, he seems reasonably okay at home but I’m like his security blanket, which is fine most of the time but can also be tough going having to be up beat and happy all the time. At times I’m glad I’m there for him and am obviously helping and then when I’m down I think that if he gets worse or attempts to take his life I must have messed up. have 2 other kids who are fine but I obviously have to hide a lot from them.
My dad died last weekend which I’m still trying to process and then last night DH got the vomiting bug and now my other ds isn’t feeling well too so I feel another sleepless night coming.
Not really sure why I’m posting, thought maybe getting it down might make me feel better in some way.