‘Newly qualified’ healthcare professional - I don’t know if I can do this anymore

[idontthinkimcutoutforthis]

I qualified last year as an AHP.

I work Monday-Friday 8-4.30pm.

I’m past the point of exhausted. I’m coming home and just sitting on the sofa numb. Weekends I just cry. I haven’t got the energy anymore. I go over and over and over every small decision I make and panic they’re the wrong ones.

I work independently, have a supervisor about 40 minutes away. Two on site managers and a team of other AHPs (other disciplines).

I’ve never been so tired. My workplace have support options but they’re all just telephone based listening.

I don’t know what to do. My thoughts are starting to frighten me. I haven’t told anyone in real life how tired I am. I cried in supervision this week and my managers have said they want to support me. My clinical lead sent me a lovely email and her deputy did the same. My supervisor gave me a huge hug. The girls in my office told me they want to help if they can.

but that makes me feel inadequate, incapable and useless. I almost want to walk away at times. I love my job, and I don’t understand why I’m so anxious about it right now.

@idontthinkimcutoutforthis

Are you the only employed SLT in this setting bar distant support? Who is doing the dysphagia work currently while you are not signed off? Why aren't they training you and supporting you? They should be discussing with team members and enforcing management plans - not you.

If you're working solo as a junior with only distant support and expected to complete your dysphagia competencies 1 day a week off site in a different setting then start working solo in your own without b6 or 7 support is appalling and unsafe to you and your patients. These jobs shouldn't exist at b5 and I can see why you are so stressed because you know it's wrong.

B5s should have acres of daily support from people in the same field seeing the same patients and there should be a senior managing the caseload and having full oversight of you, the patients and the demands.

I'm a b7 clinical lead for dysphagia and do all the b5 competency training, assessments and sign off. It's a really serious business and has to be done right as people's lives are at stake. I would never advocate doing what you're expected to do and I've been doing this for over 20 years.

I can appreciate you've been burnt on a previous NHS job but it's really isn't like that normally.

So the tracheotomy work, the swallow work, a ICU setting. It’s not 3 year olds with a lisp…

Sorry that was to the comment about it not being life and death!