I’m massively struggling following best friends death and I don’t know what to do

[Senparentingwoes]

Best friend of 16 years (since we were kids) passed from cancer 2 weeks ago. She has been battling it for just over 2 years, but went down hill rapidly over the course of a few weeks so it did come as a massive shock. Funeral isn’t for another 2 weeks and I am giving eulogy so I feel like I’m stuck in this horrible black cloud and can’t see a way out.

Have two disabled DC who have been utterly horrific the last 4 days with no family support. Dh has been quite frankly, useless, and I’m not able to talk to him because he has a fear of death and it makes him anxious. Been back at work for a week (NHS) and am really struggling being in a hospital environment too. That combined with 12.5 hour shifts and terrible insomnia, I feel so shattered. Have had two cold sores back to back and look like complete shit, have aged about 10 years 😔

I miss her so much. I have very few friends, she was the only person I really spoke to everyday other than my dc or husband. I feel completely lost without her and am really struggling to see the point in life, what is the point really? I feel like I have a hole in my stomach. Having a terrible IBS flair as well to top it all off.

is this a normal part of the process? Will I ever feel normal again?

I'm so sorry. It is such a huge loss and very recent

Thank you all for your lovely messages, I’m sat here sobbing like a total baby 🤣 I am not usually a crier at all so she would be in absolute stitches to see the state I am in. I know it’s so hard to put a timescale on it but can anyone tell me how long this part usually lasts? I just feel so in a bubble it’s horrendous. I did take some just over a week off work but honestly being stuck at home and left with the brunt of housework/childrearing wasn’t the most healing. I just feel so so angry. I have been eating like total rubbish but have no energy to try and make anything healthy.

she was honestly amazing. I was a massive loner with very few friends and horrendously bullied in school. I met her on my first day of college and immediately felt scared of her 🤣 little did I know she would have my back 100% from the word go. She was amazing, and has left behind the most beautiful little boy who has her exact smile. I really do miss her so much.

My deepest sympathies. Can you get any sick leave from work? If you need to talk about it all do call The Samaritans as they will listen and understand.

I’m sorry.
Been there. You’ll get through it.
x

No advice but just wanted to say how much I feel for you ❤️

You need to express to your partner that he needs to step up more for a bit. I found a lot of joy in planting some of my friend's favourite plants and a tree for her in my garden. If there is anything you can do like this it may help you feel you are honouring her and won't forget - I smile every time I see my plants and tree and she would have loved it. I also think things like food boxes (Hello Fresh or Gousto) just for once or twice a week can help get out of funks because it isn't about making decisions and the faff that comes with sourcing ingredients isn't there. I struggled for a long time with choice and felt very shut down, so if this sounds like you maybe that is an option. Also the benefit of these boxes is your OH can do them, feel proud and treat you while you put your feet up - win win!

Same here op, funeral was last week and I am still crying every day. I can't believe I will never speak to her again, she was a huge part of my life and like you I don't have any other close friends, it's so hard

Sorry for your loss op, one day at a time eh?

People underestimate the grief you feel when you lose a best friend, it can be like a family member in my opinion.

Give it time, be kind to yourself.

I lost my best friend of over 20 years two years ago and like you she was my person, the one that knew me better than I knew myself. I still feel lost without her and think about her every day....it does get easier.

So sorry for your loss, OP. As well as the loss of your dear friend it sounds like you have a lot on your plate too. At the very least, your husband needs to step up and help with the kids.

I think you need some time off. Grieving is utterly, utterly exhausting especially that very intense early stage. Treat yourself very gently. Get DP to do more. Sending love ❤️