Supporting an abused child.

[pud12342]

dd2 friend is 15yo. Her father is violent with her. I have know this since Xmas. He pins her down to the floor. Put his hands around her neck. hits her and is generally abusive. He also has an history of hitting her mum. I don’t know if this is still happening.
she has come to our house a few times in an absolute state. Terrified and crying. They go to the same school. I reported this to school at Christmas and they told me that they are aware and supporting her. About a month ago she came to us and he turned up at our house. It was at this point that I realised the extent of what has been happening to her in terms of the violence. Now this was not my finest hour. I told him that I knew he was a nasty violent bastard and that I was calling the police. He took her home in a rage. I could not stop him. I phoned the police and they went to the house. They removed her to her nannas and he went round and took her back home. A few days later her mum reported him to the police and mum and daughter moved in with nanna. After a few days mum and daughter went back home. He was going to get help and all was quiet for a week. But it’s started again. She has come to our house tonight she’s ran out of the house and walked 3 miles to our house.

I have encouraged her to speak to Childline which she has done and they have told told her to call out of hours social services which she has done. I left her to do this privately. They are calling her back. The case is known to them.
she can stay with us short term but I cannot take her permanently. Does anyone know what will happen next. She is a lovely girl it breaks me heart to see her like this. I am expecting her dad to turn up tonight. I have locked the doors and will call the police if he does.

Poor girl, so good that she has you to turn to.
Are the police aware you have her? Make sure they know so then can prioritise any response to your call if needed.
SS should be able to place her with an out of hours carer which would probably be safer for everyone as he won't know where she is. They will then hopefully find a suitable placement for her if that's what's best and what she wants.
I'm a foster carer and parents like him make my blood boil.

You are such a lovely person for helping her. I think just be there for her and care for her snd listen to her. I also hope her mum is ok.

Sounds like you've done a wonderful job of supporting her, welcoming her in and helping her in a way many others wouldn't.You have shown such strength and acted exactly as you should in regards to getting professionals involved.
I am confused as to why her and the mum are able to keep going back home, and why her safety is not being monitored more closely, with her being removed from the home under a care order and not allowed back.
Hopefully that may happen soon!
That poor girl will be scarred for life by that man....but will always remember your kindness.And i think it was great you told the man what you thought of him....sure that will have meant alot to her to have someone fight her corner like that, as it doesn't sound like her mother is.

Thank you fir helping her @pud12342 you have really done all you can.

I hope social services step up and actually help it does not sound like they have been doing enough

Well it’s been quite a night.
he turned up at about 9.30. I spoke to him through the window. Didn’t want him to force his way in and frighten her. I told him that with agreement with social services she is staying here. I asked him to leave and he refused. I said I will be phone if the police as I have been advised to do. He then started to speak on his phone and it all got a bit strange. He has turned up with social services on loudspeaker and started having a go at them. He said that they had told him to call the police and that I was drunk and he was worried that I was giving his daughter alcohol. I don’t even drink. She told him that she had told him to request a welfare check if he was worried. Not to turn up. I left him on the doorstep and called the police. They came out 30 mins later. They interviewed his daughter and she gave a statement. She showed a video that she had sent to my daughter of marks on her neck. They arrested him. Cuffed him and took him away. This is the short version. It’s now midnight and they have just driven off. He stood on my doorstep for 2 and half hours in the pouring rain.

his daughter is ok. Obviously shaken up. She is amazing, So strong.

i bloody hate men like him. Total bully. No word from her mum. She is a victim too. It’s so sad.

You've done fantastically. I hope you are all ok. She's lucky to have you.

A social worker will be assigned tomorrow and see her at school. I don’t know what will happen then. We will have her here if that’s what’s required, but I am worried that it will mean that SS won’t move quickly to provide appropriate support. I know services are stretched and I imagine that it is possible that they will not push foster care is they think she is fine with us.

He obviously doesn’t want anyone else having access to his daughter, I’d wonder what else he has been doing as his behaviour ( standing in the rain for hours, lying about you being drunk which can easily be disproved ) is so extreme.
Good on you for protecting her, and so brave of her to speak out. I hope SS step up, get a court order and she’s with foster parents asap.

You're doing great OP.

To keep on helping:

• I would be asking strong questions to social services about what they will do to safeguard, given her DM is failing to protect. Failing to protect is a key phrase to use. Very common for DV victims to return to their abuser, but this isn't safe.

• Sadly strangulation is one of the biggest signs that a man will go on to kill. This is a very dangerous man, who is at high risk of killing his wife and daughter. Strangulation is a specific offense, and I would be asking the police to press charges for this, if they haven't already.

• Hopefuly Social services will kick in and support, but otherwise Women's Aid can advise.

You are doing an amazing job, and lots that you can do to support and help the Social Services etc do their job properly, without giving a longer term home yourself. Take care of yourself and your DD too.

Well what a slap in the face

1.police have released with no charge as they have a statement from another person saying that his actions where not violent and that he was simply controlling a naughty teenager. No doubt a statement from mum. The fact that mum has made a historic statement of abuse is irrelevant

1. Neither social services or police have been in contact with the school and they only knew about this because I informed them this morning

1. School contacted MASH just They have just called me to say that she is going home to her abuser. She can vote with her feet and leave to a safe place and if that is me then that’s fine… but I cannot be offered any protection from dad as he has parental responsibility and they cannot remove her from the home.

so in short. Let’s wait until he seriously injures her and ignore the emotional damage that’s already been done.

Don't get too.involved op. It sounds stressful and you've got your mental health and your own family to think of.

This madness . When my dd was in a violent relationship she was told to get rid/leave or her child wiukd be taken into care . Dd was caught having phone contavr with her ex. And it went to PLO which almost led to her chikd being taken away ... yet in this situation social services and police are doing sweet fa to protect this child even though she's being beaten.