Would you say anything about this ?

[wouldyousayanything]

We are friends with a couple and the woman is extremely jealous. To the point it seems to be impacting her husbands life. He won’t go to the pub or out with dh anymore. He cancelled going on a weekend away with dh and a few other friends .

When we went for a meal a couple of weeks ago she was visibly irritated by the waitress and ordered for him while he looked away. They then left early and she was texting him throughout the meal I’m assuming saying they were going early?

Should I get dh to talk to him or do I try and speak to her about it or will that likely cause an issue or do I keep out of it ?

Has your DH talked to you about how he views it? If you are both on the same page then perhaps he might decide to try and talk to his friend, just in case he is in need of support. Men suffering domestic abuse from their partner can be humiliated by it, I think, and rarely ask for help.

Maybe the H has had an affair or something leading to jealous behaviour?

You could try talking to her as well.

Dh has only said that she’s always been jealous and would call/text a lot if they were out at the pub but he hasn’t gone now in months. As far as I’m aware no affairs. On the surface she is pleasant but I know she’s had anxiety issues in the past and seems quite on edge. When our dc were younger if they had play dates etc she was always quite nervous almost and either very quiet or overly chatty so I’m not sure if she’s just an anxious person but it seems to be getting worse and isolating her dh ?

Yes, I’d say something for sure. We are worried your wife is spiralling in anxiety at the moment, is it time for medical intervention.

No I'd stay out of it.

It's nothing to do with you.
Just avoid them if it makes you uncomfortable.

I'd gently ask either (or both) of them if everything is ok. I wouldn't jump straight to abuse but say you've noticed the anxiousness and feel they are getting isolated because of it.
Ask if you can help in any way.

With no evidence to the contrary my concern would be for the husband not the wife. If the sexes were reversed we wouldn’t be pussyfooting around wondering whether the husband needs help with his anxiety.
She is an adult. She looks to be controlling her husband. No excuses. Your DH could speak with him and offer him support but it’s hard as victims of DA (I am one) suffer greatly from shame.

Men suffer from domestic abuse also, I'd be applying the same approach I do to anyone I suspect this might be the case.

Totally agree. I assumed the mental health angle of approach would be a way in.

if the husband has got Stockholm syndrome , especially

Sounds like the man that posted about his partner being so jealous that he cant watch women on tv or say hi to the neighbours.
Honestly i would say something whether she liked it or not me being me i would say it to her face.

Not saying this is the case here but I know a couple like this. Everyone thinks she is controlling - except, the reason why she doesn't like him going out, or checks on him when he does, is because he's a violent wanker in drink. She gets anxious when he's drinking so messages him throughout the evening to gauge how pissed he is and how he'll be towards her when he gets home. He broke her ribs on their wedding night!

His mum slags her off constantly for 'not wanting him to enjoy himself' - nobody apart from me and another close friend knows the truth about him.

Obviously men can be abused too and that might be the case here, but sometimes things aren't at all what they seem.

Maybe he’s got a history of cheating? Or maybe she’s jealous and controlling. Hard to say. I might get my DH to ask if he’s okay on the quiet, but if he says he is then there’s not much else you can do. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s relationship.

No one ever truly knows the mechanics of other people's relationships. I really would not say anything. You don't know their history and what could have happened to cause the jealousy. You may not be aware of any infidelity but it doesn't mean there there hasn't been any.

He shouldn't have to live like that.

I'd see if your DH might have a word with him.

Am I only person who read this as they don't like your dh very much?

He won’t go to the pub or out with dh anymore. He cancelled going on a weekend away with dh and a few other friends .

They then left early and she was texting him throughout the meal I’m assuming saying they were going early?

It could be that but it’s not just us - her dh has become so isolated and doesn’t go out with anyone in the friendship group
any more and it’s really noticeable he seems quiet and withdrawn and dh has said that when she called when they did used to go out he overheard sometimes and it was him reassuring her that there were no women there etc so she obviously is jealous for whatever reason and now he just doesn’t socialise ?