Child gets wound up before poo

[Analretentive]

When DS was small, he’d often get a bit wound up and then do a poo, and then be back to being calm. Lately we’ve been struggling with some behaviour changes (he’s now 6) and constipation and I notice he still gets that way, he gets a bit wild and extremely stroppy and I can’t quite explain it, and then he does a massive poo and he’s back to normal. Is this familiar to anyone? Any help for managing this behaviour? He is taking laxatives (under paediatrician) to help the stools be more regular. But it’s like he can’t verbalise what’s bothering him at all, which is the hardest part.

I should add that he doesn’t have any difficulties with speech generally.

My oldest also had behavioural signals. I just used to ask him if he needed to go to the loo when I spotted them, because I saw it before he did. No idea if that was the right approach but he gradually learned to recognise it himself and stopped needing to be asked.

@RedCatBlueCatYellowCat thank you, what behavioural signals did yours have? How did you communicate with him? I tell mine he seems a bit wound up and should go sit on the toilet but then he gets more wound up and angry, says he doesn’t want to. Then eventually he goes and there is relief.

Is it painful for him? Could he have an internal fissure or something making it hurt so he gets apprehensive and doesn't want to go?

If he's genuinely not connecting the dots between the unease he's feeling and his bowels (and not simply avoiding pooing due to anticipated pain) it might be an interoception issue - as in perhaps he's feeling something but his brain is finding it difficult to match that sensation to what's physically going on in his body to cause that feeling.

My DC are older now, but they have ADHD and autism and they often had difficulties when they were younger with being able to tell if they needed to go to the loo, or if they were thirsty, hungry, tired, etc.

What helped them with this was anything that increased their executive functioning (e.g. regular exercise, diet, sleep, and eventually ADHD meds). I think she's a bit of an extreme case, but it was only when my DD started ADHD meds that we all realised that she genuinely couldn't tell when she needed to go to the loo, as she suddenly said "ohh, I can feel what you've all been talking about now" and stopped having accidents altogether. But obviously that's not a diagnostic symptom of ADHD and we only discovered this by accident!

Thank you @LonginesPrime and @PinkSour . He didn’t have any difficulty knowing when he needed to go previously but didn’t want to use the loo at afterschool club (they were manky) and he developed encopresis and now it’s been difficult to know. We’re getting back on track but the sort of anger/wildness that happens before a poo I do recal from his toddler days.

@LonginesPrime I don’t recognise any other signs of ADHD in him, he can be a bit impulsive and strong-willed but I thought that was normal for a 6 yo boy. I do wonder if there is something else happening perhaps because it seems so oddly disconnected for him. (He’s able to tell me when he’s hungry or thirsty or doesn’t feel well though).

I am pretty sure my son also has ADHD or similar traits but has never been diagnosed. Exercise and routine has been enough for him, like someone else said.
He mostly used to get very restless and unsettled, clearly uncomfortable but not recognising why. I never told him he should go to the loo, just asked him if he thought he might need to, to try and get him to work out what was going on, too him until about 10 or 11 before he stopped having to be reminded. He is 19 now, but any sort of instruction from me has always been met with mild defiance, not aggression or anger, but I have learned to ask/suggest rather than instruct!