Planning a group holiday without falling out - any tips!

[Lolypoly14]

Is it even possible? 😂

DH and I went to Thailand a couple of months ago. Had an amazing time, but we stayed in one place and did lots of day trips. It’s my 50th next year so we’re hoping to go back for 3 weeks and travel around a bit.

We were out for dinner with a group of friends a couple of weeks ago and they asked about our holiday, and DH mentioned that we were hoping to go back again and now the entire group (4 couples) want to come too.

I’ve tentatively shared our plans - we’re going to fly into Bangkok, pre-book a hotel there for the first couple of nights and then play it by ear a bit. I’ve let them know flight costs, a rough idea of where we wanted to go, rough idea of hotel costs in each area, etc, etc.

It’s a bloody nightmare. Everyone wants to do something different, some want a firm plan and to book everything up front, one of the couples wants us to pick an area and stay there the whole time. Another couple, having seen some of our photos, want to stay in the same hotel we’ve just been to and do all the same trips we did.

I’ve tried to suggest that we don’t have to be joined at the hip the whole time and just meet up in various places along the way, but that got poo-pooed.

They’re all good friends, I don’t want to offend any of them, and I’d love to all go away together, but we’ve all got very different ideas on what we want to do so I can’t see how it could work.

Thanks!

The best advice is don't do it.

I know

I wish DH had kept his trap shut, but it sounded like fun at the time, and we all got a bit carried away.

We are all close friends and have been away together before but usually only 1 other couplE, not as a bit group

People sort themselves out and you meet up as and when you plans align. Fucking nightmare otherwise.

This!!

As it's your birthday trip, do not compromise or you'll just end up resenting your friends. Shut this down now and stick to the original plans with just your DH.

Oh god OP, I bet this sounded a good idea after a few drinks. In reality it doesn't sound like it's going to work at all. I think you need to be honest and say you'd love to celebrate all together somewhere else at a different time during the year but this holiday is just for you and DH as you have specific plans that don't seem to suit everyone.

It is your birthday.

You can't possibly please everyone, so don't try.

It’s my 50th next year

Seriously-don't do it; it will ruin your 50th!

Tell them that on second thoughts, you're going to stick with it being just you two for your 50th as the thought of planning any more than that is really stressful. Suggest a weekend away all together at another time instead.

You will massively regret this.

Definitely don’t do it. I’d say group trips should never be more than about a week long and ideally as simple as possible. I’d just tell them what you’re going to do and if they want to join you for parts then great, if not then you’re happy to give tips on the trip you’ve already done.

I organise a group holiday for friends most years. But it is done on the principle that I book a time and location that suits me and if anyone wants to come they can book for themselves. It's the only way.

Eek - that sounds like quite a fix! I organised a group holiday, one family pulled out leaving me stumping up their costs and the rest of the week was spent in endless negotiations.. Either find an organised trip - no discussions, or DIY without them. You could compromise on meeting together at the start and end of the holiday but I suspect this would end up a mess too.

Thanks all!

Oh god OP, I bet this sounded a good idea after a few drinks

Yep! Sounded fun after a few cocktails, but it’s turning out to be way too much hard work.

I have said we should all do our own thing and meet up as and when, but it got voted down

I wouldn’t actually mind spending a few days with everyone in the hotel we’ve just been to as it was really lovely, but not the whole time and I don’t want any concrete plans as I’d rather just see how it goes.

I think I’m going to bow out gracefully and reiterate the offer to meet up as and when or suggest a weekend away somewhere together when we get back.

My kids are now grown, work is fairly flexible and I never went travelling when I was younger so I just want a chill few weeks seeing a bit of the country.

It's not going to work. It'll turn into a holiday where no couple is doing what it wants. Best to point this out and scrap the idea.

I think I’m going to bow out gracefully

Phew!

I'm sure they'll understand-a big group hijacking a friend's birthday trip away isn't fair on them!

Why not plan a week together then everyone can go off and do their own thing?

Simplest advice - don't do it ! It will be stressful, lead to untold arguments and resentment and likely be the end of your friendships. If you want to elaborate your birthday have a party / meal out not a 3 week holiday trying to accommodate 5 x couples wants / needs

Thanks all!

I have floated the idea in our group chat that this would be a nightmare to organise. It’s too far and costs far too much money for us all not to get what we want out of the trip and as we all want different things, I can’t see how it would work without us all falling out.

Most people seem to agree, if a little disappointed.

One friend has posted some links to a company who organise these kind of trips for you - they do one that covers all the places DH and I are considering which could maybe work. It includes all hotels, transfers, flights, some meals, day trips, etc. You’re tied to an itinerary which I didn’t really want, but it does compromise with the others who wanted to pre-book hotels and have things a bit more planned. Will have to have a think about it.

You’re tied to an itinerary which I didn’t really want, but it does compromise with the others who wanted to pre-book hotels and have things a bit more planned.

I wouldn't be compromising for my own birthday plans-you wanted to go just the two of you so do that!

I would say 'this plan looks great for something in the future, but for my birthday, I think we're going to stick to the two of us'.

Don’t compromise for your 50th