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Please help me change this situation

7 replies

cadburyegg · 03/03/2025 18:45

I don't know how to phrase this without sounding like a complete idiot.
My ex husband moved out 4 years ago. I have bought him out and he received a substantial settlement.

He still has a key to my house. The issue is I still rely on him for childcare. I leave for the office at 7.30am on Mondays and Tuesdays so he comes to take over. The rest of the week I work from home so I do the school runs on those days.
On Mondays he also picks up the children and takes our ds1 to his swimming lesson. This means he has to come back to my house so they can have dinner then ds1 gets changed and he takes them to ds1's swimming.
He also comes over on Thursday evenings but he doesn't need the key for that because I'm here.

I am getting really sick of the arrangement but I know I have created it of my own doing. He said something tonight which makes me realise he still thinks he can come and go as he pleases.

I could change things so that the children go to breakfast club on these days but they hate going to wraparound and how can I explain it's because I don't want their dad in the house??
How can I tell my ex I want the arrangement to stop after relying on him?

The swimming situation will not go on forever because when ds1 goes up to the next stage there may be a space on a different day.

What do other people do? Does your ex still come over and come into the house? Do they have a key still?

Please help! I am stressed.

OP posts:
soarklyknobs · 03/03/2025 18:48

Where does your ex live?

Surely he could have the DC stay at his house the night before he has to do the school run and take them to school from his, why do they need to be at your house on those days?

CaptainFuture · 03/03/2025 18:49

soarklyknobs · 03/03/2025 18:48

Where does your ex live?

Surely he could have the DC stay at his house the night before he has to do the school run and take them to school from his, why do they need to be at your house on those days?

Agree, what times he getting up at in the am to be at yours for 730?

cadburyegg · 03/03/2025 18:52

I have asked him this before and he didn't want to do that. I can't remember why now. I'll ask him again

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MagicalMystical · 03/03/2025 19:06

Yeah I think your DC staying at his on a Sunday and Monday night, and doing school pick up on a Thursday (dropping with you after swim lesson) is the answer on the face of it, unless there’s more to this?

RandomMess · 03/03/2025 19:12

Has he refused to have them overnight exactly so he can snoop around your home?

I would ask him to have them again otherwise they will be going to breakfast club.

BobbyBiscuits · 03/03/2025 19:20

I would tell him you'd like the key back please. You don't have keys for his house and you don't feel comfortable with him deciding he can pop in as and when. Remind him it's your house, not his. And he cannot use a key without your permission.

A spare key can be left in a key safe for the days when it's unavoidable he needs to get in. He must leave it back. Then you can change the code for the safe every time he uses it. I'd also change the locks.

cadburyegg · 03/03/2025 20:38

RandomMess · 03/03/2025 19:12

Has he refused to have them overnight exactly so he can snoop around your home?

I would ask him to have them again otherwise they will be going to breakfast club.

I can't remember why he refused at first now. I don't think it's to snoop. It's just easier for him because my house is closer to school (in the same village, whereas he lives 20/25 mins away) and closer to the swimming pool too.

He hasn't replied yet.

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