Will I have any legal responsibility in this situation or can I relax (elderly parent care and will related)

[Traumasurvivors]

I am NC with my mother. My siblings do all the care etc but I’ve recently been told that I need to help - when I refused I was told I legally have a responsibility to? That if she goes into a home due to me not helping I may be assessed and have to pay towards it ? This is incorrect isn’t it ?

I’ve also been told that when she passes I have to help with house clearance and if not I’ll be invoiced my share of any cost ? Surely this isn’t right - those costs are met by her estate ? Likewise care home fees would be paid from the house ?

Im NC due to an abusive childhood

Yes, you're quite right, you are not obliged to be involved in any of those things never mind legally, and you certainly can't be invoiced. Just ignore. Hope you're ok, that sounds as if you are receiving some nasty messages.

Assuming you live in England all of that is incorrect. You have no obligation, financial or otherwise (assuming there have been no substantial gifts made to you over the past 7 years).

Her funeral costs and house clearance etc indeed will all come from her estate. if there is no estate then her executor can apply for basic help.

You are completely correct. They are trying to bully you.
If the worst happens and they try to invoice you, just don’t pay. You didn’t order any services so you’re not responsible for any payment. If they get nasty, tell them they can take you to court. They won’t.

Yes we are in England, thankyou I was sure that was the case but starting doubting it and worrying

They’ve said if I try and refuse they’ll lie and say it was my stuff being stored there that had to be cleared ??! That I can’t just ignore my responsibilities to help as they are having to do so much and that it’s unfair I don’t help at all.

They would have to prove it was your stuff and even then I doubt there would be any redress at all.

Do you have all of this in writing? If not, I would write to them, summarising the threats that they have made, clarifying the fact that you don't have any legal obligations here and asking them to stop harassing you. You may want to add that you will be contacting the police if the harassment persists.

If they continue to contact you after that, then make sure that you go ahead and report it to the police.

Reply in writing, for the avoidance of doubt (now and in the future).

They are perpetuating the abuse - that's the worst bit.
I'd go NC with them too.

BTW they're completely wrong. Legally you have no obligation. None whatsoever!!!

Block them all. You have no legal responsibility for a parent or their possessions or care or funeral whatsoever.

They sound awful, OP

My grandparent is currently going through the process of being assessed to be moved into a full time care home. We were asked if any family members are willing to pay towards their care as this can speed up the process. We said no, and no further questions were asked.
It sounds like you are being threatened/blackmailed by your siblings and I'm very sorry. They sound horrible.

Keep their messages but don't respond. You have no responsibility for any of this.

Agree with this. And in the same letter you can add something like “for avoidance of doubt, none of my belongings are stored at 4 Acacia Avenue”