Highly anxious 11 year old with phobias and fears and scared of rejection. What expert shall I seek out?

[Annnxious]

DS is aged 11. He might be neurodiverse - I have ADHD, as does his sibling.

He has a lot of phobias and is often anxious about situations that aren’t scary to most children. He also struggles to try and make friends as he’s scared of rejection.

I want to take him to see someone to help but I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to use the NHS as getting his brother’s ADHD diagnosis took five years. DS starts secondary in September and I want him to understand himself and have tools and help before then, so I’d do all this privately.

Who do I book in with? A child psychologist? A psychiatrist?

Anyone with experience with anxious children?

I have (late diagnosed) ADHD, and had undiagnosed OCD as a teenager which destroyed my life. I also have, I am told, an heap of inherited trauma.

I have raised my children very differently in a really loving, nurturing environment so thought maybe he’d side step all this anxiety, but it seems he hasn’t.

Please help! Who do I take him to to help him?

Whoever you see, make sure they're registered with a professional body and not a counsellor who's done a weekend course.

I would suggest an ACP registered psychoanalytic psychotherapist (ACP = association of child psychotherapists). They are highly trained to work with children and work in the NHS. This is their website to see if you can find a local therapist who works privately, or choose online sessions with someone further away

https://childpsychotherapy.org.uk/resources-families/find-child-psychotherapist

They'd be able to give you a good idea if they thought looking at an adhd diagnosis would be helpful. But could deal with the wider anxiety issues in a way that adhd or antidepressant meds could not.

Thank you - this is helpful! I’m looking into it now!