Christ I don't even know how to start this but here goes
My mum nearly died during Covid and has been quiet unwell since then. She spent most of that year in and out of hospital, seriously unwell and it played hell on my mental health leaving me with PTSD.
It's happening again - she was taken into hospital the first week of Feb with a chest infection and fluid on her chest. Since then they've diagnosed her with mild (? I don't even know if that the correct term but it's the one she used) heart failure and she's again quite unwell. She's been in and out of hospital since then and was taken in again last night because her diabetes has been affected by her medication (steroids) and he blood sugar was over 35.
She's just rang me to say she's being discharged tonight which is great but I'm fucking terrified of her being at home.
It's all on me - hospital runs, bringing her home, making sure my dad is okay (he was in hospital in November with such bad seizures they asked about a DNR and hasn't been right since - I think it may be the start of dementia but I haven't been able to get a gp appointment for him), taking care of my nephews during the week because my sister works awkward hours and there's no suitable childcare.
She doesn't really help and they don't ask her - it's always me. I can never relax probably and I'm fucking terrified of the phone ringing because it's usually some kind of emergency. I just don't know what do do - I genuinely feel like getting in the car and running away. I've been referred for talking therapy and already taken anti anxiety meds.
I don't know what practical help there may be or even if they'd accept it. I don't know what the point of this thread is either but thank you if you read this far!