7 year old tantrums

[Hotdayinjuly]

My 7 year old (nearly 8) has been having frequent meltdown/tantrums.

I’m not with his dad and I am definitely ‘bad cop’ (in his eyes).

I thought it was a bit of after school collapse mixed with transition and tiredness but we had a huge tantrum this morning over porridge.

He will throw and scream and kick say horrible things about me. He eventually will say ‘sorry’ and then we try and move on.

It is generally over not getting what he wants and being told no.

I feel their needs to be a consequence as he does this, says ‘sorry’ and then there’s no loss to him for his behaviour and no incentive to behave better in future. However I do realise he is not behaving logically in the moment. I’ve taken away screens as a consequence today but I’m not sure it’s logical, although I don’t think they help his behaviour.

He brought me to tears with his words the other day which stopped him but I am annoyed with myself that I let him see my cry.

Any ideas? he just seems so old to be acting this way and it breaks my heart that I haven’t given him the skills to cope with life. I do feel that part of it is related to his living situation but it’s not new and it’s all he knows really.

He's way too old to be behaving like that so I agree you must change how you deal with it. Is this a new behaviour or something he's never dropped from toddler tantrums?

I would advise you to either completely ignore him when he acts this way and tell him you'll talk to him when he behaves properly, or start to do a consequence that you think will work for him. Eg, loss of screen time, time out etc.

He’s always been quite emotional and a bit highly strung so to speak but their intensity and frequency has increased recently.

I try to ignore him but sometimes we need to something or it’s on the way home from school and I can’t escape it. He also makes things difficult as he will refuse to get ready or get in/out of the car.

He also thinks saying sorry is a magic word that absolves him of anything he said prior.

I forgot to say he also says horrible things about himself when he gets into this state. It so sad to see but also frustrating as he will refuse to engage when I try and de-escalate when I notice which way it is going. I refuse to pander to him though.

Coming back to this again after another difficult evening. I think tiredness is a trigger, not always within my control.

i don’t expect a lot after school just tt rockstar and a few other bits. If he’s in a good place less than 15 min, if not he messes around doesn’t try and gets frustrated. Part of me thinks I should stop but if he doesn’t do it with me it won’t happen and also he needs to learn to ‘do as he’s told’ and if we stop he just gets what he wants.

Im also feeling like this is kind of consuming me. I’m fixated on how it’s ruining our relationship and he’s going to grow up preferring his dad and thinking that I don’t love him as much because I don’t let him do what he wants or he develops unhealthy relationships based on this.