Terraced home dwellers: How considerate are you of neighbours?

[NoisyNeighbourslondon]

We purchased a terraced house last year and the neighbours on both sides have complained to us about noise. We have two young DC (3 and 5) and whilst they're not perfect, they're not wildly loud either (though they do get up early at 7, they are also in bed by 7!) Both sets of neighbours are younger people who do not have children. One of them works nights.

One complained that she could hear us walking up and down the stairs, they apparently have an extra bedroom made up on the ground floor and this is bothersome to her if she sleeps there. (Though it was also exaggerated as DH works from home and is alone all day and certainly not stomping up and down throughout the day, his office is on the ground floor). She also knocked on our door on a Sunday at 10a.m. and complained about noise. They also left a note in our postbox that they could hear one of our doors closing (there was a broken hinge so it sort of clanged shut) but we fixed it when we realised they could hear it. The neighbour on the other side complained about noise from the children singing at 11 a.m., which is bothersome to her as she works nights.

I think we're generally respectful neighbours (we were in a terraced house previously and got on well with the neighbours on both sides there, both of whom had adult children so perhaps were more understanding of children's noise and sleep rhytmys?) and try to be mindful of the children's noise at early hours, close windows, etc. And as DH works from home we always accept their parcels for them. But the couple who owned our home previously were older and retired, one was disabled so they lived almost entirely on the ground floor and didn't use the rest of the space much, and I suspect our neighbours got used to that level of silence.

I am a people pleaser and one neighbour has been a bit cool to me lately, which makes me uncomfortable. I do understand that younger people without children have different sleep habits than we do, but I also hate feeling like I have to tiptoe around my own home and shush the children if they're just being children. But also 11 a.m. on a Sunday is...really not that early. We're not a generally noisy family, no blaring telly or radio, we're not shouty, the children don't have many tantrums, and generally play nicely together (so not loads of screaming on a regular basis).

If you live in a terraced home, how much consideration do you give to your noise and your nieghbours?

I think your neighbours are taking the piss.....11am on a Sunday is not unreasonable for people to be making a noise. Maybe your neighbour who works nights needs to get ear plugs??

We're end of terrace and we do try to be mindful, very much like you are doing. But everyday family noise can't be avoided and their complaints are OTT. If you work nights, you have to expect a certain amount of noise when trying to sleep during the daytime and kids singing in their home at 11 is not unreasonable! Are they new-build terraces and the walls particularly thin?

My two bits of advice are a) stop taking their parcels in, because why bother if they're always going to moan at you, and b) read Mel Robbins' Let Them, which is a life-changer if you want to stop being a people pleaser! I care very much less about what my neighbours think since I've read it.

Tbh I don’t do anything that makes noise. So it’s a non issue for me. Both sides have children.

I hear one side more than the other but I think it’s the layout of the houses - theirs is the opposite as mine so the wall for the front doors is the same one - so I hear them more but still not a lot. I think it’s very well insulated.

The other neighbours front door is the other side of their house to the shared wall so I never hear them.

You sound considerate neighbours tbf.

My dad was a shift worker back in the day and his attitude was that daytime noise is to be expected. Your neighbours do seem particularly sensitive to noise. Noise is to be expected in terraces/semis. Its about what's reasonable.

I'm not in a terrace but my neighbours are loud. I do wonder because I'm on my own and I'm out early until 6.30 and don't watch much TV that they have a false sense of how good the sound proofing is.
Sometimes I get cross but I know it's a me issue rather than a them issue.

I have shouty teenagers on one side and a family who like to have parties on the other, i don't worry about it. If you don't want to hear other people buy detached or an island.

Thank you for the validation, I do think I'm representing the situation accurately and not looking for false reassurance! I will have a look for that Mel Robbins book, it would be fab if I could leave the people pleasing behind me a bit, it's really quite draining!

I have 2 dcs aged 2 and 6 and I let them play normally during the day, which can involve a lot of jumping and games of tag, plus the usual tantrums and tears. We've never had any complaints about the noise. We have a family on one side with older kids, and some adults with no dcs on the other. They are never noisy enough to disturb us, despite having dogs, so I think the insulation works pretty well, and we're all city dwellers used to lots of noise.

We never do DIY or have evening parties though, and I think the neighbours are probably just glad for that (we're in a central London location known for partying).

I think we have been lucky to have an elderly quite deaf lady on one side and a succession of professionals who aren't in that much on the other side. We are definitely the most noise creating ones, but not excessive. I do make sure not to hoover at 8am or have the tv on too loud. Terrace living is always going to involve some people noise. Do you have carpet on the stairs? That should muffle a lot.

I live in a terrace and I don’t bother about my neighbours at all. I hear them but not a lot and it doesn’t bother me. I’ve never had a complaint or complained.

Your neighbours could look into soundproofing the adjoining wall if normal family activity is bothering them so much and they work antisocial hours. How much do you hear of them?

First time I house sat a friend's Victorian terrace I was spooked awake by what sounded like someone in hallway till I heard laughing and realised it was actually neighbours kids I could hear. I didn't notice them so much during the day when there was other noise.

I work nights and live in a terrace house, there is noise outside during the day which I have to accept as it's my decision to work unsociable hours.

My only bug bear is my neighbour talks very loudly outside my bedroom window after during the school run, it's seems like she is shouting! Not sure if I should ask her to stand outside her house and talk as it does wake me up, hear nothing from her or the kids during the day in the house.

The noise you and your kids are making is just normal family noise.

Are your stairs carpeted? If not maybe get it done. You can’t be responsible for them changing sleeping configuration.

Thank you, I’m going to feel less bad and try to start feeling more free again. Yes, the stairs are carpeted. A couple do squeak a bit but nothing else wild.

we do hear the neighbours on both sides. One is a bit shouty with her BF and often has people over, never a rager, usually just a few people sat on the back garden with some cigarettes and chatter. I’ve never really heard them past midnight on a weekend so I see it as reasonable. The neighbours on the other side, we do hear their music or telly but muffled through the walls. Sometimes it’s a bit loud just as 3 yo is going to bed but that’s at 7 pm and I don’t feel is unreasonable.

i am sure the insulation could be better, we had an inspector out last year but they said there wasn’t much they could do given the age of our home and something about wanting to leave room for circulation to avoid damp.

I live in a terrace, we're considerate.

I was so happy when my old neighbours moved. We were such good friends, but that changed when her partner moved in with his kids. It sounded like they were doing laps around the house, running up and down the stairs and bouncing off the walls. Awful. Horrible to have your peace disturbed with constant banging.

Now it's fine, new neighbour is just normal sounds. The others, with kids are also fine, normal household noise.

Every time a neighbour comes round to complain you could say how noisy THEY are. Even make it up how you hear their running water, them coughing, anything you could think of. Then Maybe they will stop complaining to you. Tell them with a smile, how they snore loudly in the daytime, I’d love to wind them up about how you have to wear earplugs and have headaches because of the din they make 🤣🤣

Well, you could reasonably mention next time that you hear those noises but are tolerating them. It might make your neighbours feel that they should be more tolerant too.

Installing Soundproofing panels in high traffic areas such as the hallways & adjoining partition walls should help. If they still conplain then they are twits and you should ignore them and carry on.

I just live my life. If I want to put music on I will. I have teenagers. They can be loud sometimes. I have dogs.

I live in the town centre. There are venues close by which have loud events in the summer. We have people walk past at all hours.

Ive been kept awake by neighbours having parties themselves before.

Its not all the time and everyone just seems to live and let live.
Im considerate in that I tell the kids to turn it off if the music is too loud or its at an unreasonable hour and we make the dogs come in if they start getting barky.

I think that living in close proximity to others, you have to expect noise. Everyone is bothered by it sometimes. Theres been a couple of times ive lived in places with thin walls and neighbours who wanted to dictate when we put the washing machine on etc etc, and it makes life stressful.
Ive also lived next to musicians who liked to randomly rehearse with microphones and speakers when I was trying to study and that was upsetting, so I think there has to be a balance.
Youve got to be able to relax and live your life, but just try not to take the piss.

I lived in a late Victorian terraced house for 9 years, moved in as a single moved out as a family of 4 when mine were 3 and 5 as I really wanted my DC to have a big garden to play in with not many neighbours and not worry about their noise levels.
one side of neighbours (an older couple) complained about me as a singleton once, they were very precious in general though. The other side never a peep from her. Sounds like we were lucky.

you sound like you're making average family noise rather than being inconsiderate and they need to get over themselves or move out and go live in an isolated house somewhere

Normal family life noise is not a problem according to noise abatement. Tell your neighbours to stop being a pain to ordinary family life. Getting carpet on stairs may help to stop some noise going up and down stair. The neighbours can always get some noise suppression put in their house, but you are not the problem, they are. !!!

You’ve got to be a bit considerate in a terrace and ask the children to do the same. It’s pretty basic stuff indoor voices and soft feet. That both sides have complained is pretty telling.

Terraced houses are just awful. Especially modern ones. There is no noise proofing. I'm lucky that my neighbours are elderly and i live alone with no children in my new home.
I think yours are being unreasonable though. I could hear my neighbours children in my last house, the baby screamed night and day because she was high needs but what were they going to do if I had complained? Gaffa tape it? When it was really bad I'd sleep in my summer house on a fold up bed which was nice and quiet.
They can get their house sound proofed if they don't like it.

Who called the first inspector? That sounds excessive for the noise you think you are making.

We are in a terrace and can hear the neighbours conversations if the windows are open.

We live in a new build and have no issues whatsoever, families both sides. The developer was clever to alternate the rooms, so their kitchens are on the back, ours is at the front, the stairs are on adjoining walls and storage/cupboards/bathrooms to avoid bedrooms being put next to each other. Everyone moans about new builds but they're not all bad.
We lived in a 1850 terrace before and could hear so much more.

Agree @Atstritchsitchmitch I live in an old mid terrace, victorian i think, and you can hear everything, sneezes, doors closing and even light switches and plugs being used on adjoining walls🤦‍♀️ so long as it is just normal everyday living noises I just think live and let live🤷‍♀️