Can’t stop stressing over secondary school place…

[GarlicGranules]

I’m so worried we’ve made the wrong decision.
As our first choice we put a school that is further away but has a better reputation than the local school.
But all DC’s friends will be going local. DC will have to travel alone on the bus or I will have to drive every morning (not really feasible).

I’m so stressed that I’ve made the wrong decision. I know I’m worrying prematurely as places haven’t even been announced yet but it’s a 99% certainty that they will get first choice.

What happens if we refuse first choice?

Send her to the best school. It's a no brained. Also, I believe there is research to indicate that the primary friendships at the beginning become increasingly irrelevant throughout the first year.

The successful child in adult hood is rarely one who was reliant on the herd.

I let my DC go to the good secondary over the outstanding one. They chose this due to friendships being important to them. Having said that their friendships changed in secondary too so from that perspective things changed.

DC got top GCSE’s and top A levels and is now doing the degree they set their heart on when they were 8 years old!

It all depends on your child and just telling them what to do as a parent is not the way we parent and our DC is glad of it.

You know your child and you know the schools in question. If your DC is onboard with the decision and it wasn’t you just lording over them I am sure it will be fine.

Friendship groups change massively in Yr 7 so even if they start Day 1 with friends from primary, they may not be in same form/classes and by end of first half term they will have grow apart anyway.
DD was only 1 from her primary to go to her secondary and within a few weeks had got a great group of friends.

Travelling alone on the bus really isn't an issue and is all part of becoming more independent

@GarlicGranules we did this many years ago but then (c2009), if you refused the first choice, the child was put to the bottom and allocated to a school with places, likely to be the school nobody wanted.

I’m glad I posted here, thank you. I’ve really been losing sleep over this.

It most definitely wasn’t me who recommended the better school to DC. In all honesty I wanted them to go to the local school, purely for logistic reasons.
They are still happy with the decision but wavering a little now they’ve realised most of the people they know will be going local.
I haven’t made my doubts known to them, that wouldn’t help the situation.

I’m just torn. The travel worries me, I don’t think they’re streetwise enough to travel alone in all honesty.

If you refuse the first choice the LA doesn't have to find you an alternative place. And if they did it could be any school. You don't just get to then choose your 2nd choice, which is why it's important to put them down in the order you actually want.

If you get accepted to school 1, take the place and you can add his name to the waiting list for school 2 if you like.

But don't turn down your confirmed place.

With modern technology youngsters can stay in touch. My children all have or had until recently friends from Primary school even though they split across 6 or so secondaries (3 state and 3 private at least).
On the other hand friendships change a lot at this age. Even if she went to secondary with a gang of friends it is very likely that those friendships wouldn't last the year.

My DD travels 40 mins each way on the bus. She's fine. This is an important step in them getting their independence.

Regarding travel, I had a 15 minute walk to the station, 20 minutes on a slam door slow, and another 15 minute walk.

DD had three tube stops to begin with and then a drop at the school bus stop and 40 mins on the bus; DS had two tube stops and a bus.

It builds independence and resilience. They do it at busy times and if you go to work, gets them home a little later so takes the pressure off a bit.

How long is the bus journey?

It is completely normal for Yr 7s to travel by bus to school. Just do the run with them a few times. You are being melodramatic about ‘alone!’

You may well find that other local kids are in the bus anyway.

If your Dc does seriously change their mind do not turn down your 1st choice if offered. Ask to go on the waiting list for your local school and then accept and turn down 1st choice.

You don’t get the option to say ‘oh, can we revert to second choice’ on Offer Day because they will likely have filled all the places at that school. And if you turn down your place you could get offered a place in the only school that has room…the one no one wants!

Hold tight OP, if you do get your first preference (you might not) it will be a good thing. And also fine if you don’t

They mature pretty quick as they get used to year seven, so I’d probably practice the journey in the summer hold, and take the first few days off work to be able to step in if needs be. She’ll have it cracked fast.

It's so hard to imagine your innocent yr6 travelling to big school but honestly it's fine. Do a couple of practise runs in the summer and talk through scenarios like missing your stop and what to do next.
Chances are they will meet kids doing the same journey once they start school and before long will have bus/train buddies.

@GarlicGranules I wouldn’t worry about the travel the school my DC went to was a bus ride away while we have one literally 5 minutes walk away!

Your DC picked this school so it’s not like you are dictating to her. Don’t share your anxiety like you say your DC made her choice.

You’ve got over six months to practice independent travel. Start now, getting familiar with the route and work up to her going by herself.

I know what you mean about them seeming too young for the commute. But it's seven months away. They grow up a lot in that time. I only had to do it 3 or 4 times with DS before he got the hang of it and started travelling with friends. Your DC will be fine!

I know you are all right! I need to give myself a shake and stop worrying so much.

I will definitely spend the next few months building independence and confidence.

I think this is a bigger step for me than it is for them 😂

Sorry.. to be a bit more clear, if you do change your mind, accept the place at first choice and do not turn it down until / if you are offered a place at the local school having asked to go on the waiting list. So: accept the offer on the day, then go on waiting list.

But honestly, a bus journey to school is normal.

And it is quite important that you don’t give them a lift, in case they miss out on making local friends on the bus.

Thanks @CarrieOnComplaining yes, I will definitely be accepting any place that is offered, I certainly wouldn’t risk them being placed somewhere random. I know I’m just being a bit over the top, I’m just letting my worries run away with me.

The bus journey is one that we will definitely practice. It’s just not feasible for me to drive the school run everyday. It will just be a bit of a learning curve as we currently live on the doorstep of the primary school 🙈