My dh has become addicted to X/Twitter and has changed

[DullardFrigate]

He wasn't exactly all flowers and sun shine before , but all his negative traits like impatience, some intolerance and negativity have really become emphasised and is his default now.
He even goes to bed early just so he can be on his phone for hours.
Dc are teens so I'm not left to cope with dc on my own or anything and he does step up, especially if he sees I'm tired but I'd just like to be in the company of a pleasant and warmer human being and not this arsey intolerant one.
Honestly, I'd throw his phone in the bin if I could.
Maybe someone else has or is going through the same and can impart wisdom.

I would just have a conversation with him about trying an exercise (both of you) where you don’t use your phones and delete all social apps, to see what it does for your mental health. I did this with my husband as he had become addicted to Reddit and was like a zombie scrolling and scrolling. I said to him we’re all becoming addicted to our phones and crappy dopamine hits and we need to reset. Had a competition for who could get the lowest screen time report. He was a bit reluctant to do it but ultimately the embarrassment of being a grown adult addicted to a phone won out and we proceeded. It really helped.

i used to be on twitter a fair bit but left it about 6 months ago as it was so awful - post the Musk takeover it became increasingly negative and unpleasant. I don’t think it’s a healthy place to spend time. There are by many accounts a lot of bots there.

the previous poster makes sensible suggestions.

I've tried talking to him and I get nods and agreements but then he's back on it.
Last night he was on it from after 10 til 2am. It really hit home yesterday as we were all watching tv together (a rare event these days) and dh started shouting at whatever was on tv, mocking and using really awful and negative language. It was spoiled for all of us and so unnecessary.
Previously, he probably would've joked about it and it would have been funny.

Does he not realise its all AI and bots? What's the point of interacting with them?
Might be true of this place soon too ...

Is he being sucked into all the racist, xenophobic stuff? It's like a cancer.

Debating with people online for hours makes you aggressive.

I noticed it within myself and deleted my twitter 12 years. I used to think that it gave me the best up-to-date news and that if I didn’t go on it then I wouldn’t be clued in. But I began to notice my snappiness.

Once you get off of it you realise that most people in the real world don’t think like people on twitter and I was less anxious.

It can happen in mumsnet too with certain posts but at least it’s moderated here.

I'm pretty addicted to my phone - loved twitter back when it first started - but what I've noticed is that us, mums, usually manage to leave it aside for the sake of family time.
Dads are increasingly giving in to the screens, even when they could be spending fun time with wife/ children. It's so worrying. And that's even before we consider the actual platforms they choose and how some are really negative, hateful.

I think you need to talk to him about the situation last night when watching TV. Say what you've said here - that he was shouting awful negative things and it spoilt the programme for you. Maybe don't mention his phone use specifically (as you've already tried talking to him about that) but say you're worried about him and you don't like the way he's been acting recently. Maybe suggest couples counselling to show you're serious about this? I think it would be more effective if he realises himself that this is becoming a problem.

Ask him if he would be ok with your teens acting like he was last night?

Completely agree. I also deleted my twitter account back in the day: all those people competing to outsmart everyone, the hot takes, the endless arguing and negativity... It took a toll on my mental well-being for sure.
And yes, I sometimes get deja vous of that when on mumsnet... I've been tempted to leave too! But lack of irl connections is what keeps us (me, at least) hooked, I guess.

OP, I second what @CoffeeFluff has said: I think it's a wonderful idea.

I bought it up this morning. At first he was quiet and listened and then got defensive and started ranting on about how he has so much to deal with, how stressful his commute is and how the country has gone to pot.
I told him I had a lot to deal with too but I don't do what he does.
He gave up twitter last year and replaced it with reading books and was much calmer and pleasant so I reminded him of that but he got defensive again and made out that he was still the same, but he really wasn't.

I'm going to suggest @CoffeeFluff 's idea for the whole family. We all spend too much time on our phones.

Big conversatiion to be had about respect and communication.
Does he want to live with a live human?
Insist that all phones go in a box at a certain time.
And before that, phones are visible in a public place. Maybe have a 20 minute phone time when everyone is catching up before seeing their phone again the next day.
Your kids, you and your husband need to be on a similar page - and not resentful!

my husband is also addicted to twitter, he sounds so similar to your description. How are things now?